It’s hard for me even to imagine you’ll be here soon! Not counting today, since it’s already evening, there are thirty-nine days left until March 5. I can’t wait until you get here—and at the same time it’s hard to believe in your visit. Every day, I draw a portrait of my wife in my notebook; but there are fewer pages in the notebook than days before your arrival. Still, I remind myself constantly that it’s all some kind of game. No one’s coming to visit me. It’s just a subject in a novel in the spirit of Bunin. With a tragic ending, it goes without saying—just like in “Antonov Apples.” Telegram
FEBRUARY 1, 1913
THE STAGE IS YOURS I’M SORRY FORGIVE ME ONLY 32 MORE DAYS HUSBAND JACOB MOSCOW–KATAV-IVANOVSKY IRONWORKS MARUSYA TO JACOB
FEBRUARY 10, 1913
Here’s a story for you apropos the incident with the sergeant major, which so irked me. Only mine is better, because it’s not a conversation between men about women, which I hate, but about humanity.
Lena came from Kiev for a recital. It was organized by Goldenweiser. The very same—friend of Leo Tolstoy’s. I happened to be free that evening, and I went to hear Lena. I was nervous and excited for her, but it all went smoothly. Lena played beautifully—she was the best of all of them. Goldenweiser (a plain man with an unpleasant voice) praised her.
But this is how the story goes: The concert hall was very far away. It was late, and I had to take a cab. The first cabbie I came across didn’t ask for too much money—so I agreed, and we talked along the way. The cabbie had been married for six years, and had two children. “Is your wife here? In Moscow?” “Of course! I couldn’t exist for a single day without her.” That’s what he said—“exist.” “You wouldn’t believe it—my kids are dressed like little lords. I got them boots, new lambskin winter coats, little mittens, the very best quality.” He went on and on, talking very happily. Then he turned to me and said, “You know, miss, I loved my wife before, too, but when the children came, my love for her felt sweeter than ever. I wonder why that is?” Loving his wife became even sweeter … If you could only have heard him say those last words—“I wonder why that is?”—words filled with quiet reflection and happy surprise.
He told me many things, and expressed things I can’t really convey in words at all. His intonations, in his ruddy, cheery, smiling face, the jaunty way he cracked his little whip—it was all charged with meaning for me. When I left him, I asked him to give my regards to his wife. He was very pleased, glad. Glad to have an attentive listener. It is just as necessary for us to express our joy as it is to express our sorrow. And I listened to him with such eagerness.
I like my cabbie much more than your sergeant major; you can be sure of that! KATAV-IVANOVSKY IRONWORKS–MOSCOW JACOB TO MARUSYA Telegram
FEBRUARY 13, 1913
20 MORE DAYS Telegram
FEBRUARY 18, 1913
15 MORE DAYS Telegram
FEBRUARY 28, 1913
5 MORE DAYS WE MEET IN CHELYABINSK ON THE 5TH
MARCH 11, 1913
Today I tidied up the room where we lived so happily together. I found your hairpin under the bed. An ordinary, sturdy hairpin. I wanted to kiss it. It’s not the right kind of object for kissing. Not romantic in the least. Gloves are another thing altogether. But luckily you didn’t forget your gloves—otherwise, you’d have frozen on the train on the way home.
The third move is easier than the first two were. I’m already accustomed to gathering my things together, even though the household effects have now increased. A soldier has almost no possessions, so any extra thing is precious.
My wondrous wife! I love you. That’s all I can say. There is nothing more to add. KATAV-IVANOVSKY IRONWORKS–KIEV JACOB TO HIS PARENTS
MARCH 12, 1913
My dears! I haven’t written you in a long time—but there were reasons why I couldn’t, very serious reasons. Marusya was here visiting me. I didn’t tell you about it, because I was so afraid it wouldn’t happen if I talked about it too confidently beforehand. She stayed here for five days, and I was supremely happy. This fragile young woman undertook the whole difficult journey alone, without any companions. I’m writing this for you, Mama, since I know you think that an actress is not a suitable partner for your son. You see how courageous and decisive Marusya is in her undertakings?
I have news about my army service. I’m writing you before a departure. I’m now attached to the Battalion Office as a military clerk. It’s an important position—I’ll have to salute myself.
Things will be incomparably better for me now. I’ll give you the details in a few days.
Well, I send you kisses, dearest ones. I have no time just now—there’s not even time to blow my nose properly.
This is my new address:
Yuryuzan Factory, Ufimskaya Guberniya
Ninth Company, Insarsky Regiment
To me. KATAV-IVANOVSKY IRONWORKS–MOSCOW JACOB TO MARUSYA Report
MARCH 15, 1913
I declare that from this date I have entered the employ of the Battalion Office, Third Battalion, 196th Infantry of the Insarsky Regiment, and I hereby convey this information to my wife. Thunder of triumph, resound!
Commander of the Battalion Office
Lieutenant Colonel (crossed out)
Private of Volunteers
Jacob Ossetsky
Dear Marusya! I walked around in a daze for a whole day after your departure. I kept dreaming about our future, which I anticipate will be beautiful.
Then I gave myself a good shake and threw myself into the fray to make up for lost time. My motor kicked in, and I studied a long time. I left only three hours for myself to sleep. And what satisfaction can sleep give if you’re not here with me? For three whole days, I sat with my books during every spare minute. And suddenly, yesterday, I was informed about an appointment I could never have dreamed of. It turned out that the previous clerk was promoted for some deed or other. Or a service? And he was sent to Kazan!
From the attached report, my dear wife, you can see that I have received a much better appointment than my previous one. Better by orders of magnitude. Before I was just a run-of-the mill private; but now I’m Mr. Clerk.
“Mr. Clerk, may I come in? Mr. Ossetsky, please give me a reference! Mr. Ossetsky, call Chelyabinsk on the telephone, please! Mr. Volunteer, please convey such-and-such to Battalion Commander So-and-so.”
That’s what I’ve become. Now I have to salute myself and issue commands—attention, eyes right and left.
New address:
Yuryuzan Factory, Ufimskaya Guberniya
Ninth Company, Insarsky Regiment
Volunteer Ossetsky MOSCOW–KATAV-IVANOVSKY IRONWORKS MARUSYA TO JACOB
MARCH 16, 1913
I’m lying on the divan, thinking about the future, thinking, longing, for you.
The physical pain that I experienced when we parted I now feel constantly. I think about you—your lips, your hands—and I feel orphaned. There is no place for me to go. Nothing is the way it should be. Everything is partial. Nothing is complete. MOSCOW–YURYUZAN MARUSYA TO JACOB
MARCH 20, 1913
Here is my report. I have classes in Rabenek’s studio three times a week, and studio performances one or two times a week. Ella Ivanovna is satisfied with my progress. I have received an invitation to a real theater, as a replacement for another actress. Once a week, I have a class in the Froebel Society in pedagogy. One morning (Tuesday), I give lessons in movement in a private school for girls. And I read, read everything you recommend to me and much, much more. Mikhail is finally moving permanently to Moscow. YURYUZAN–KIEV JACOB TO HIS PARENTS