“I let her down, Bud. She was counting on me, and I let her down.”
“Are you talking about Haley Lane again?”
“I let her die.”
“As I understand it, you were completely incapacitated.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“What are you talking about? Of course it matters. You do know that, don’t you?”
I found I couldn’t speak.
“Malcolm?” said Tanner. “Malcolm?”
I shook my head and covered my eyes with the palm of my right hand.
He leaned over and put a hand on my knee. “What was this woman to you?”
It took another moment before I trusted myself to speak. “What we talk about in here, it’s confidential?”
“I’m not a priest, and this isn’t a confessional, but unless I’m ordered to reveal the details of this conversation, you have my word it won’t go any further.”
“She was my wife.”
He leaned back in his chair and stared at me. “You and Haley Lane were married?”
I nodded.
“Oh, Malcolm. I’m so sorry.”
I had nothing to say.
After a few moments, he said, “You know, the press seems like it’s got nothing better to do than dig up dirt on that whole Hollywood crowd, and the Hollywood people seem to make it easy for them. But I don’t think I’ve ever heard a single negative thing about her.”
I said, “I wish you could have known her, Bud. She was magnificent.”
“Seems like I remember reading that she did a lot of charity work.”
“People have no idea how much she did.”
He nodded. “Okay, Malcolm, here’s what you do. A couple of things, actually. You listening?”
“Yes. Please.”
“Okay, first and absolutely nonnegotiable is this. You go on. It doesn’t matter what happens, you go on. No more of this suicide-by-bad-guy nonsense. If a hostile comes at you, then you defend yourself, all right?”
“Okay.”
“You must realize a fine woman like your wife would not be happy with anything less than that.”
Hearing him put it that way, I knew he was right. Haley would have been furious. I said, “I do know that, yes.”
“Good. So that’s number one. And here’s number two: start trusting in the big things again. Call it instinct or faith, whatever makes you comfortable, but you were put here for a reason, Malcolm. There is such a thing as right, and there is such a thing as wrong. That’s the truth, and in your heart you know the difference. Don’t let what happened make you think the main thing is which way the wind blows, or whether the rain is coming down. There’s a truth that’s bigger than all that. It saved your sanity, and it’s always there and totally available to you, so you press into that.”
“How?”
“That’s up to you. Just start with something that seems natural and see how it goes.”
On the drive back up to Newport Beach, my head throbbed and my ribs ached, but I felt strangely serene. I thought about what Bud had said. Just start with something natural and see how it goes. I thought of how few people I had known in my life who were comfortable enough with me to just sit with me in silence, and Simon and Teru did. I remembered something from the Bible, words Haley had quoted to me on the day we married: “It is not good for man to be alone.” I remembered something else, maybe it was William Blake: “The bird a nest, the spider a web, man friendship.”
An idea drifted by. I reached out and took it. I decided it might be truth. I decided it might be excellent.
28
Rolling up the driveway at El Nido, I saw Teru coming my way in a white Porsche Carrera. It was almost dark, so he was headed home. We stopped alongside each other. He rolled down his window. I said, “New car?”
He grinned. “Just bought it this morning. It’s ten years old, but the mileage is low.”
“Sensible yet entertaining. Haley would like it.”
“Yeah, I think she would.”
“Speaking of what she would like, I have a proposition to discuss, if you’ve got a few minutes.”
Teru turned the Porsche around and followed me to the main house. We parked by the front fountain and went around the side. Simon somehow knew we were coming. He opened the door before I could ring the bell.
Sitting with the two of them at the kitchen table, I said, “So I was thinking, what if I did keep this place?”
Teru looked at Simon. Simon looked at the ceiling.
Teru said, “What about Haley’s reputation? You said people would want to know how you got the money. They’d find out about the marriage, and she’d be disgraced.”
“All true. But I was thinking about you guys, and what a shame it was that we’d have to split up, and how Haley would hate that…and all of a sudden I realized there’s a simple solution. And before that I was thinking about all the things Haley did behind the scenes, the hospitals and schools and all, and how hardly anybody knows she was the one who paid for everything. And I realized, just because I inherited a few hundred million doesn’t mean I have to act like I inherited a few hundred million.”
Teru smiled and began to nod, but Simon said, “I’m afraid I don’t quite…”
I said, “It’s so obvious I missed it. Haley and I managed to keep our marriage out of the press because I kept driving for her and living in the guesthouse and just in general behaving as if I was nothing more than her chauffeur and bodyguard. For some reason, I’ve been thinking that would have to change if I accepted the inheritance. But I could just keep doing the same thing. As long as I don’t act like I’m rich, there’s no reason anybody has to know it all belongs to me. You both want to continue doing what you do. Gardening. Buttling. I can’t imagine anything better than what I do either. So why don’t I just keep on living in the guesthouse and working, and you guys just keep on doing what you do, and we can kind of leave things like that, if you’re agreeable?”
Teru said, “Half the working stiffs I know have maxed out all their credit cards so they can pretend to live like a multizillionaire. You’d be an actual multizillionaire living like a working stiff. I love it.”
Simon said, “It could work.”
“You bet it could,” I said. “I’d rent the big house out to people who need our kind of special services. I’d drive for the tenants when they want a chauffeur, and you guys would do what you’ve always done for Haley. That way we could all stay here and keep working together.”
“And watching each other’s backs,” said Teru.
“Lately you two have been doing that a lot for me, but yeah, I would kind of like a chance to return the favor if either of you ever needs a hand.”
Simon said, “And if the residents of El Nido prove to be…undesirable?”
“Either of you guys ever says the word for any reason, and they’re gone. They’d never even know it was us who got them kicked them out. I’ll use that attorney in New York to hire a property manager to handle everything. And the rent on this place ought to cover our salaries.”
“That would not be necessary,” said Simon. “As I mentioned previously, Miss Haley was quite generous to me financially in her will.”
“Yeah, but this would be us doing what we’re good at, and even a rich man should be paid for the use of his skills. That applies to everyone, including me.”
Teru looked surprised. “You’d take a salary too?”
“I won’t live off of Haley. Not even when she’s gone. Especially when she’s gone.”
Simon stood, filled a pot, and put it on a burner to make tea. “I believe Miss Haley’s friend Mr. Higgins is in the estate-management business.”