Was the loss of Darra's life worth what they had obtained?
Was there something he should have done that he did not do?
Had the first vision of Qui-Gon in the tomb come from the Sith, or deep within him?
Had he failed?
Darra's death would once have been an aberration. Why did he feel it was a portent? With every second that passed, he felt more death approach.
Time and again he had to shake off the memory of Granta Omega curling up like a child as he let go of life. What could he have been, if he had not been in the grip of his obsession? The Sith found weakness and exploited it. They took a flaw and twisted it into a weapon. Whoever the Sith was, he had goaded Omega, used him, and abandoned him. How could the Jedi fight someone who had no mercy for anyone or anything?
Over the last few days, Anakin had retreated to the Map Room where he liked to meditate. Obi-Wan couldn't put his finger on it, but he felt that somehow Anakin was involved in what had happened to Darra. Not directly, but somehow…
He hated himself for having this feeling. Of course, if that were true his Padawan would have told him.
Obi-Wan found himself outside the Council Room doors. He tried to clear his mind before he entered. Some days it was difficult meeting so many Jedi gifted in Force-sensitivity at once.
The doors slid open. The full Council had assembled. The members all acknowledged Obi-Wan as he took his place in the middle of the room, where he had stood so many times.
"A sad conclusion to the mission, it was," Yoda said. "Grieving are all of us."
"Darra Thel-Tanis has joined the Force," Mace said. "We will celebrate her life."
"Uneasy we are with the conduct of the two Padawans, Ferus Olin and Tru Veld," Yoda said.
Adi Gallia nodded. "We have reconsidered our decision to speed up the trials for chosen Padawans. We fear we put too much pressure on them."
"We need additional Jedi, it's true," Oppo Rancisis said. "But we see now that we cannot rush readiness." "Our mistake, it was," Yoda said.
"Mistakes we cannot afford during these times," Mace added, and then said, "We will commend your Padawan for his bravery. To face a Sith is the hardest task for a Jedi. Anakin showed ingenuity and bravery throughout the mission."
Yoda peered at Obi-Wan. "Something to share with us, you have?"
Obi-Wan hesitated. He had doubts. He had fears. He had sorrows. But this was not the place.
"No, Master Yoda," he said.
"Disappointed your Padawan will be, to hear that we have cancelled our plans to accelerate Knighthood," Yoda said.
"Yes, Anakin will be disappointed," Obi-Wan said. "He is not good at waiting."
"Then wait, he should," Yoda said, nodding.
"Thank you, Master Kenobi," Mace said. "You may send in Ferus Olin."
Obi-Wan bowed and retreated. When he walked into the outer chamber, Ferus stood.
"They are ready for you," Obi-Wan told him.
Ferus turned a face to him full of such misery and heartbreak that Obi-Wan was moved.
"You are not here to be punished, least of all by yourself," Obi-Wan told him.
"I must go on living," Ferus responded. "That is my punishment."
Chapter Twenty-three
Anakin waited until he saw Obi-Wan leave the outer chamber. He wasn't ready to talk to his Master yet. He waited until Obi-Wan was gone, then slipped inside.
He didn't want to see Ferus face-to-face, but he had to find out what was going on. What would the Council do? Now, of all times, Anakin felt a strange attachment to his fellow Padawan.
The shock of Darra's death hadn't worn off. He still couldn't grasp it. He still couldn't believe it wasn't possible to see her again, to hear her voice. If the Force was so powerful, why couldn't it stop death? Why couldn't he break through that wall and see his friend again?
He felt a rustle behind him, and saw Tru backing out of the chamber.
"Tru!" Anakin called. Reluctantly, Tru edged in a few steps. "Do you know anything?"
Tru shook his head. He didn't quite meet Anakin's eyes.
"I haven't seen much of you since we've been back," Anakin said.
"I know."
"I'm sorry about the censure."
"I deserved it."
The question burned on Anakin's tongue. "Why did you go to Ferus instead of me to fix your lightsaber? I would have done a better job."
"I didn't go to Ferus," Tru said. "He came to me. He had noticed that it was on half-power at the end of the battle in the monastery. But I wouldn't have gone to you because I wouldn't have wanted to get you in trouble. You would have kept my secret. Just like Ferus did. I was wrong not to tell my Master. I was wrong to let Ferus stay silent. I was just about as wrong as I could be."
"You were thinking of the mission," Anakin said. "We were all wrong,"
Tru continued, as if he hadn't even registered what Anakin had said "We did our best," Anakin said. "And Omega is dead."
"So is Darra."
Tru turned and walked out.
Anakin started after him. Something was wrong. Something had changed between him and his friend, and he didn't know why.
He stopped when the Council doors opened. Ferus walked out. He almost walked by Anakin without seeing him, as though he was blinded by his feelings.
"Ferus?"
Ferus turned. "Anakin. Well. I think you should be the first to know.
I have resigned from the Jedi Order."
"What?!" Anakin felt shock ripple through him. "But why?"
"Because I was responsible for Darra's death."
"That's not true! You couldn't have known — "
"But I did. I knew that Tru's lightsaber had malfunctioned. I offered to fix it secretly. I did not tell his Master or urge him to do so. His lightsaber failed in battle, and Darra was killed trying to protect me."
"But you thought you'd fixed it!"
Ferus stopped. He gazed at Anakin for a long moment.
"You knew?" he asked. "You knew Tru's lightsaber had broken? You must have seen me fixing it." "I didn't say that."
"No. You didn't. But there are only the two of us here, Anakin. You don't have to lie."
Anakin said nothing. As usual, Ferus was trying to trap him, trying to show Anakin how much nobler he was.
"When we got back, I took it to the Jedi Master Tolan Hing," Ferus said, naming the Jedi who was known for his expertise in the workings of a lightsaber. "He told me that that the fusing between the flux aperture and the power cell needed a slight adjustment. Nothing major — Tru might never have noticed it. Except that in battle, the power drained faster than normal."
"I don't know why you're telling me this…."
Tru's voice came from behind him. "Because you fixed the flux aperture. And you would have known that it needed to be rechecked after the power cell boost."
Anakin turned. "You didn't come to me!"