I have to be the adult here; he deserves to know the truth, even if he doesn’t want anything to do with us.
Us.
I will tell him in person.
Tomorrow.
No, maybe Monday.
Or maybe I’ll wait till I’m showing and he works it out for himself.
Yep, I’m screwed any way you look at it.
“So, I Facebook stalked him.”
I’m dazed and confused, primarily from the lack of sleep all weekend. Leaving Dr. Taylor’s office that day confirmed that I am fifteen weeks along, pregnant by a man I despise. A stranger, in fact.
The weekend was spent panicking, planning, more panicking, and eating way too much chocolate. It wasn’t the next five months that I had to worry about, it was the rest of my life.
Was I even mother material? When I was fifteen, I changed my cousin’s diaper and got shit all over her face. The little brat wouldn’t keep still. Then, when I realized there was shit on the blanket, I threw it in the trash and told my auntie we left it at the park.
I’m going to be a terrible mother.
Vicky is sitting on my desk, crossed-legged and shoving her cell in my face. I push it away in dismay, not wanting to deal with anything and trying my best to ignore the dry heaving. It’s Monday morning, and the office buzz is that Haden is officially back in town. Even Dee looks nervous, although I don’t know why since she has moved on with someone old enough to be her dad.
“You don’t look well,” Vicky sympathizes, handing me a bottle of water.
“Would you feel well if the man whose life you’re going to turn upside-down is just about to walk through that door?”
“You have a point. So don’t you want to know more about him?”
“I don’t think now’s the time.”
Vicky ignores me. “He’s into extreme sports.”
“Aren’t most guys?” I place my head down on my desk, resting my eyes for a brief moment.
“He loves animals. Has two dogs, Marley and Max. They’re Yorkshire Terriers.”
“Really? That’s kind of…feminine,” I mumble into my arm.
Vicky laughs, agreeing. “His favorite TV show is Top Gear.”
“Such a guy show.”
“Oh, and he plays the guitar.”
I raise my head slowly, blinking at the bright fluorescent lights. “Hmm…kinda hot.”
I cover my mouth immediately as if I was caught saying a naughty word. Vicky laughs but stops as soon as we hear the muffled voices. I try to shoo her away, turning around so I am facing the computer and pretending that the words on my screen actually make sense, when in reality, my nervous system has gone into meltdown mode.
“Hey Babe!”
Marcus turns my chair back around and plants a juicy kiss on my lips. Without seeming too obvious, I pull away from him and flash a fake smile, a sign of endearment to cover my nerves.
He slides his hand around the back of my neck and pulls me in again. This is not appropriate work behavior so I gently scold him. He appears annoyed, but I ignore his childish behavior.
The Jerk is standing beside him.
My eyes are heavily studying the pile in the carpet and slowly but steadily move up and trace his shoes. They are shiny black with a slight point. Perhaps a size ten…you know what they say about big feet. Move on! His pants are navy, tailored to enhance his lean physique. Making sure my eyes avoid his crotch, I slowly scan the buttons on his shirt until I have no choice but to acknowledge his face. My eyes linger on his lips; they are full and deliciously pink, parted slightly to reveal his straight teeth. Just do it…just look at his goddamn eyes because everyone is staring at you!
1…2…3, and there they are. He is watching, and his simple stare has shot right through me, sitting at the pit of my stomach. Maybe it’s the four months apart, a new hairstyle or new clothes, but something about him is different. He looks…well…sexy.
This is going to be your baby daddy.
You have to live the rest of your life around this man.
He has no fucking clue I am the devil in disguise right now.
So why is he looking at me with an odd yet familiar stare?
And why are you looking at him like you want him inside you?
There is a woman, or rather, a girl beside him. Standing only just to his shoulders, she smiles kindly and introduces herself as Eloise. She has perfect blonde tresses sitting on her couture dress. With her ruby red lipstick and long dark eyelashes, she is quite a stunning girl.
“Eloise is Haden’s fiancée,” Marcus gloats.
Vicky moves her head in a not-so-subtle way towards me, watching my reaction and yelling with her eyes, “OMG, what the fuck?!”
The shock and enormity of the situation is constricting my vocal chords, forcing me to reach out my hand and congratulate them. I manage to mumble something congratulatory and when Haden’s hand touches mine, I don’t want to let go.
He watches our hands touch and holds on for a second before I pull away. Behind his glasses, his eyes watch me in silence until Vicky opens her mouth, breaking his gaze.
“So you got engaged in London?”
“Paris actually. Haden popped the question and I said yes!” She flashes her ring, which I pretend to be interested in. Something about princess cuts and Harry Winston in the same sentence. Wow, I had no idea he had money since he bummed around so much. Okay, that is not the issue at hand. What the hell is happening here? I mean, did fate just leave another pile of dog shit on my porch or what?
He. Is. Engaged.
You. Are. Carrying. His. Baby.
What is wrong with this picture? Absolutely everything! Words are being exchanged around me yet I’m deaf, falling into a dark hole and wishing I could rewind back to the days when my biggest problem was Jason putting his white socks in with the pile of black ones.
“So we should double date sometime,” Marcus insists.
“Triple date. Find me a man, Marcus,” Vicky adds.
“Hard to find you a man when you’ve slept with the whole city.”
A mini argument starts and I turn to face my computer, fairly certain the contents of my stomach will soon end up all over my keyboard. I have been fortunate enough to avoid morning sickness, but I definitely know things are changing—including my appetite. I excuse myself and rush to the restroom. Vicky follows straight after me.
“You okay? Well, I know you’re not.”
“I can’t do this, Vicky…” I pace up and down the small restroom, then rush to the stall to vomit profusely. Vicky is holding my hair, rubbing my back until I flush the toilet and pull myself up.
Back at the basin, I repeatedly splash my face with cold water.
“You can do it because you have to,” she reminds me, gently.
“Vicky, he is getting married. Four months is a short time to meet someone and get engaged but fuck, I can’t ruin his life.”
“You’re not ruining it! You have a baby inside you. That’s a blessing!”
“Then why do I feel like it’s the worst thing that could happen to me?
“Because you’re scared, Pres. My mom was sixteen when she had me. Then eighteen when she had my brother. That’s scary. You’re thirty-two. You can handle this.”
“So even if I can handle it, I don’t think he can.”
“He has time to get used to the idea. The baby is not coming out now. You’re only four months along. Still another five months. Plenty of time,” Vicky reassures me.
I don’t feel reassured. I know Haden well enough to know that this is not in his plan. It wasn’t in my plan either. But I know what I have to do; Haden would see this as the monumental fuck-up that ruined his life.
Marcus is still lingering around my cubicle when I return. He doesn’t seemed worried that I disappeared, and instead, makes plans for lunch.