We, Presley. We should be looking. We’re both parents to this baby.
Huh? There is no time to think about his text as I race out of bed and into the shower. Within minutes I’ve hopped out and dressed myself in a simple white dress that sits a lot shorter than normal. With my wedges on and my hair tied into a bun to avoid the sweltering heat, I make my way downstairs. The aroma of pancakes lingers in the air, which can only mean one thing—maple syrup. So I’m eating for two, and boy did my mother stack them on the plate!
As predicted, my mom eyes my dress. “That dress is a bit short, don’t you think?”
Rolling my eyes at her, the stupid side of me mentions that I haven’t really purchased any maternity wear apart from that black dress. With a light bulb going off in her head, she rushes to the bottom of the stairs.
“I’ve got a box of stuff in the attic! George!” she yells to my dad.
Why, oh why, did I say that? I just know she’ll pull out some muumuu with a horrific pattern from the ‘80s.
“I’ll be back in a jiffy.” She darts out of the room, leaving me alone with my almost finished stack of pancakes.
Knowing Haden will be here soon, I use the moment to relax and read the local paper. Nothing much has changed, a few new marriages and births, but as usual, the town carries on without much excitement. There is a whole page about a carnival coming in for the night. Sounds like fun, if you’re ten.
My mom is talking to herself again, carrying some boxes down the stairs. The sound of an engine pulls up at the house, and I look at my mom to see her reaction. She has her stern parental face on and dad is walking down the stairs with his rifle in hand. Alright, he doesn’t and that’s a bit overboard, but I do know he has a pocketknife ready.
I wipe my mouth with the napkin and make my way to the porch. I hear the sound of the trunk shutting closed and behind it, Haden appears. That stupid flutter, the one that gets all my panties in a twist, makes another appearance, and with every fiber of my being I’m trying to ignore how gorgeous he looks in his natural-colored denim shorts, light grey tee, and a pair of Chucks. My damn weakness. Jason hated them; he called them skater shoes. Jason also wore Jesus sandals.
For someone who just traveled on a plane, he looks refreshed, his hair perfectly styled to the side and a freshly shaven face. With a warm smile he greets me, fully aware that my parents are standing right behind me.
“Mr. and Mrs. Malone, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” He reaches out his hand, but my mom embraces him instead. What the hell? What happened to this lecture on how utterly disappointed she was that such a young man would be irresponsible enough to have sex with an older woman and, if his parents didn’t teach him to have any morals, then maybe she should?
What a load of BS from the woman smiling and acting all friendly with him!
My dad, on the other hand…well, his face says it all.
“So you’re the one that knocked up my Poodle?”
Haden pulls away from my mom and looks at me confused. “Um, I like women, sir. I’m not into bestiality.”
“He means me,” I complain. “Dad has called me Poodle since forever. You know, ‘cause of my curly hair.”
“Oh…right, I get it. I guess I am the one that knocked up your Poodle then,” he says, amused.
“So what are you going to do about it?”
“George, please. Let the boy at least place his bags down before you get all wound up.” My mom ushers him into the house, asking him how his trip went and if wants a drink.
My dad, on the other hand, pulls me aside. “Jesus, Poodle, is he still in college?”
“Dad!” I groan. “He’s twenty-six.”
“Back in my day, you didn’t marry women older than you.”
“Oh my god.” I stop him, raising my palm to his face. “Who the hell is talking about marriage here?”
“I just assumed because the two of you are single—”
“He’s not single. Have you not listened to mom at all?”
“I try not to. It’s what happens when you’ve been married for forty years. You tend to zone out. Your mother could talk a glass eye to sleep,” he says, scratching his belly.
I ignore his ramblings and move on inside to join them in the kitchen. Mom has stacked a plate of pancakes in front of Haden. Looking quite pleased with his hefty appetite, she pours him some coffee and I nearly grab the cup from him.
God, I miss it so much.
“Your sister will be arriving this afternoon, with her friend Melissa,” Mom tells us.
“My sister is a lesbian,” I mention causally to Haden.
“Presley Victoria Malone!” Mom scolds.
“Well it’s the truth, Deidre,” Dad says with a mouthful of toast. “God gives ya what He gives ya. Gemma is a good girl.”
“So you’re saying I’m not?”
Good morning, hormones!
“Poodle, truth be it. This baby wasn’t exactly planned. Besides, what happened with you two? Because Reverend Keith could sure have a word with the both of you.”
I groan at the mention of Reverend Keith. If my parents’ grand plan is to try to marry me off to the Jerk, it was time to set the record straight. Unlike my usually opinionated self, I struggle to get a single word out and look at Haden for answers. His eyes lift up while grabbing a napkin to wipe his mouth. My gaze wanders down to his full lips, glazed in maple syrup. Gliding his tongue along his lips, his eyes continue to watch me with a quizzical stare.
Oh my god, Presley, look away! I shake my head to pull myself out of this pornographic maple syrup fantasy and focus on the question. We hadn’t really come up with a story, so I guess there was no better way than stating the obvious, and Haden takes charge by leading the explanation.
“Presley and I had been friends for a while but, of course, she was engaged. I’d always had a thing for her but respected her relationship. When she broke it off, I wanted to take things further.”
With a steady gaze, I look at him thinking what a load of crock this is. He should add serial bullshit artist to his resume as well.
“Presley has told us you’re engaged to someone else now?” Mom interrogates.
“Yes, I am.”
This is probably the moment I need to throw him a lifejacket. But this is fun, so I sit back and watch the show unfold.
“Well, I’m sorry if I’m out of place but marrying another woman when expecting a child seems somewhat confusing?” Mom continues to pry.
Haden takes a long sip of his coffee and places the cup down on the knitted coaster. “I can understand why you think that. Eloise came into my life before I knew about the baby.”
He shuffles awkwardly so I throw him that much-needed lifejacket.
“Look, Mom and Dad, Haden and I had our fun and well…this is what happened. If you don’t mind, I’d like to give him a tour of the house, then maybe show him around town.”
I don’t wait for their response and motion for him to follow me. As soon as he catches on, we make our way upstairs and I show him to the guest room.
“I’m apologizing in advance for the plaid. Mom is a little, um…”
He laughs. “She’s a mom. She would get a long great with my mom. It was the plaid generation.”
I let out a similar laugh. “And my sister Gemma…sorry about blurting that out.”
“It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize for everything.”
I lean against the wall as he sorts out his bags. “This is weird.”
“Sure is. Look, it’s only a weekend…Poodle.” He bursts out laughing again, then walks over to where I’m standing, giving me the opportunity to swat him across the arm.
“And ignore my dad. Laugh all you want, but if you saw me in bed, I represent a poodle vacationing in the tropics quite accurately.”