It smells like weed.
This can’t be good for the baby, so to make this quick, I search again and find Haden sitting against the wall. He spots me, and with a crooked smile, he raises his head to greet me.
“Can I please speak to you? Out here in the hall?”
I walk out of the apartment, but not before Marcus jumps up and pushes the girl off him. “Presley, baby, I still love you.” His pathetic attempt at speaking to me deserves no response.
Haden stumbles out of the room and I realize this isn’t the best time, but stupid me asks anyway.
“Why didn’t you tell me Mr. Sadler was your stepdad?” Annoyed and keeping my distance, I stand against the wall.
“You know what?” He points his index finger at me. “You’re beautiful.”
It’s followed by a delirious laugh and I throw my hands up in the air, frustrated that I’m wasting my time. I turn away and walk towards the stairwell, and just when I think I’ve escaped, he grips my shoulder and swiftly turns me around.
His eyes are wild, seriously dark, and the laughter he showcased only moments ago has disappeared. My eyes are drawn to his stained shirt and ripped jeans. It’s very unlike him to be so unkempt, especially with a rugged beard and scruffy hair.
“Why don’t you answer me when I tell you you’re beautiful?” he grits, pinning me closer to the wall.
“Because you’re a jerk that is clearly stoned right now.”
“It’s not an answer!” he raises his voice.
Startled, but refusing to show it, I bite back. “Fine. Thank you. Now let me go.”
His hands trail across my collarbone and directly down my chest, and I don’t stop him, only because I’m gearing up to kick him in the nuts if Kitty can stop drooling long enough.
“Why do you make life so hard for me? What is it about you, Malone?” He refuses to look me in the eye, talking to himself rather than to me.
“Haden, I need to go. This is pointless.”
“Where are you going? Let me come with you,” he pleads.
Underneath his strong and arrogant persona lies desperation and turmoil. I can’t tell whether he has a hidden agenda or just needs a friend right now. Then I remember that men don’t like to talk, so I’m guessing the hidden agenda may be sex for all the wrong reasons.
I stand tall and lean forward to kiss him on the cheek, a gesture of goodwill before walking away, but he swiftly locks his lips onto mine.
He forces his tongue into my mouth, but the intensity and longing is torn away as my protective instinct for the baby fogs any passion towards him. Pushing him back, I catch some air before telling him no.
“We can’t do that, and you’ve been smoking. That can’t be good for my baby.”
He smashes his fist against the wall, screaming in agony.
“OUR! Why won’t you fucking get it through your head that it’s our baby?!”
“Because you haven’t stepped up and proven to me you are responsible. If you can turn up on Monday morning without being stoned or acting like a jerk, maybe then I can take you seriously.”
I push him out of the way and walk down the stairs, praying that he won’t follow.
He doesn’t.
And first thing on Monday morning, I get the call we’ve been waiting for.
The paternity results are finally in.
I slam the envelope down on his desk, trying to draw some sort of a reaction from him. Nothing but a sideways glance, then he refocuses on his computer screen. I’m irritated by his stubbornness and his disregard for a clean and sanitary working environment; it drives me fucking nuts. Papers are stacked in no specific order and pens are missing their lids, not to mention chewed at their ends. An empty coffee mug sits beside his desk phone, growing some green species inside it, unwashed and smeared with lipstick. Gross, it’s not even his.
“We need to talk,” I grit, barely able to contain my anger.
“I’m busy.”
“You’re drinking a can of Coke and playing solitaire.”
“Exactly. I’m in the middle of something.”
“Fine, I’ll do it here,” I bellow, crossing my arms in frustration. “Thanks for not showing up at the ultrasound. I had to fucking reschedule. Would it have hurt you to pick up the phone? Or even send a text? Since clearly, you have no balls whatsoever.”
The king lines up to his final card and the screen shows his victory win. He shuts the page down then turns to face me. He looks ghastly, with deep dark circles shadowing his dull eyes, not to mention his beard that has truly taken on a life of its own. He was obviously stoned and drunk all weekend.
Looking uninterested, he takes a drink, then throws the can into the trash. “Are you done now?”
I exhale at his insensitivity. “No, I am not done. This is exactly why I don’t want you in my child’s life. You’ve proven once again you have no desire to be a father, and I’m really sorry that your name sits inside that envelope.”
His face falls and he quickly opens it to read the answer he is undoubtedly hoping isn’t true. His expression turns to pity, fear, and most noticeably, regret. The quick stabbing pains in my heart make me wish he had reacted differently, that maybe in some universe filled with rainbows and unicorns he would have jumped for joy.
But he didn’t.
And sometimes, one look can say a thousand words.
What did I seriously expect? He is twenty-six. He rides a motorbike and gets stoned on the weekends. I couldn’t have picked a less desirable sperm donor if I had plucked one from a hat.
Whatever part of me still clings to some sort of pathetic miracle should have read all the signs by now. I only rile myself up the more I dwell on it. Where did smart, level-headed Presley run off to? Well, it is time for her to come back. Guns blazing.
“So you have your proof now, but it doesn’t matter,” I tell him, trying to remain strong. “On top of all this, I don’t know why you hid the fact that Mr. Sadler is your stepfather, and you know what?” My heated words and my irritable behavior should forewarn him of the storm that’s about to hit. “I don’t know you at all, Haden. Your mood swings are worse than a fifteen-year-old girl’s. I know you’re hiding something, but who knows what? And I have no clue why you’re getting married to someone you barely know! I’m really over all your immature games. I’ve got a child to raise, and frankly, I don’t care whether you’re a part of it or not.”
I storm off, not waiting for an answer. This day just went from bad to complete and utter hell. To top it off, I am pissed at myself for even mentioning the marriage thing. Yeah, in hindsight, what did it matter? What he did with his life was his business. Why did I want some sort of answer or insight into why he is marrying a woman he has known for such a short time?
Kitty is raising her hand like an overeager student, because she has all the answers. Teacher’s pet! I shut her down and send her to detention. All this is her fault anyway!
Back at my desk, I struggle to get any tasks done. Everything in my life feels like a giant mess. When these moods appear, there is only one solution: clean. I grab some disinfectant and wipe my entire desk down including my keyboard. Removing the keys one by one, wiping, replacing. I file away the two papers sitting on my desk and sharpen all my pencils to the same height. Then I reorganize my filing cabinet and archive some old paperwork.
That was too easy.
So I sneak into the main kitchen and start cleaning out the fridge. I was wrong about the Jerk’s cup and the new species growing inside it, because there is something ten times worse in this fridge. Someone has left a moldy apple, a rotten banana, and some cheese in a plastic container. It’s now green, furry, and I swear on my unborn child’s life, I see movement in the box. I shiver and pinch the sides of the container, throwing it in the trash.