“Hot?” he teases.
“Hot…interesting…different.”
“Needed.”
I sigh. “Yes, fine. Very needed.”
“You hate admitting that, don’t you?”
“That I’m horny? Sure. Doesn’t everyone?”
“No. I’ll admit it,” he tells me.
“First of all, you’re a guy who’s seen strippers nonstop for three days. Second, you’re in a relationship. You can pretty much get laid anytime. I’m only human, I have needs too, and I seriously didn’t think this single mom stuff through. I will never get laid again,” I ramble.
“Are you done?”
“What? Yes,” I mumble.
“Yes, I have seen strippers non-stop for three days, but my dick was as soft as a marshmallow. Yes, I’m in a relationship, but it’s just…” he trails off. “I don’t want to go into that part. Third, you’re fucking beautiful and you don’t see it. Every guy in our office was waiting for you to break it off with James—”
“Jason,” I correct him.
“Whatever,” he grumbles. “Because they wanted to fuck the living daylights out of you.”
I laugh, thinking it’s a joke. “C’mon, Haden. Joke’s over. No one in the office shows interest in me. I wish!”
“You don’t realize what you do to men. You’re like this untouchable goddess walking around with a fucking wand that makes everyone’s dick hard.”
“Jesus Haden, I’m pregnant! What planet are you on?”
“And thank God you are because now they’ve backed off.”
“What did you just say?” I ask, nervously.
“I’m saying that this was a good thing.”
“I didn’t know this was a ‘let’s lay all the cards out on the table’ type of conversation, but then again, you just made me come over the phone, so no more hiding stuff anymore.”
“My cards are out if yours are.”
“They’re out.” I breathe into the phone, tired and exhausted.
“Why are you worried about getting laid once the baby is born?”
“I’m not worried about getting laid straight away. I’m saying that one day I’m going to crave the touch of a man and it’s going to be difficult since I have a child to think about. It’s not just about me anymore.”
“But I told you that I didn’t want anyone touching you.”
“And I told you that’s too bad because you’re getting married and getting laid every night, so stop being a jerk.”
“I don’t want anyone touching you.”
“Why are we even arguing about this? Let’s deal with it when the time comes.”
“I want to deal with it now. I don’t want anyone touching you.”
“Yeah, well I don’t want anyone touching you, but life is unfair,” I shoot back.
“Then no one will,” he states confidently.
“Empty promises, Haden. You’re a guy, I respect that your cock needs to get laid.”
“By you,” he confirms.
Whoa. This conversation took a turn, a major turn, to God knows where. The whole dynamic of our conversation has changed and I’m rendered speechless. He has no idea of the enormity of his words, and being the rational one, I feel I have no choice but to bring him back down to reality.
“Haden,” I whisper. “We need to talk about this when you’re back. Right now, I’m tired and I have to get up for work in a couple of hours.”
“I’ll be back on Sunday. I want to see you then.”
“Okay.”
I hang up the phone, bewildered. Not even a minute later, I receive a text.
I meant what I said.
I know he meant it. I’m just not ready to deal with it.
Vicky and Kate come home not even ten minutes later. Vicky has decided to sleep over, and the second I see her walk through the door, I run to her with a razor in my hands.
She yawns. “Pres, it’s three am and you want me to shave your kitty?”
“This is an emergency situation! You don’t understand.”
“I understand that it’s three am and there is a possibility that I may give you a mullet.”
I drag her to the bathroom and close the door behind us. Kate is already in her room, drunk on her bed.
“This really can’t wait till tomorrow?”
“No, I can’t sleep knowing I let it turn into the Amazon Rainforest.”
“I must really love you to do this….” she mumbles to herself, armed with razor, soap, and water.
Ten minutes later, she’s done.
“You wanna see? Geez, I think the razor went dull.”
I laugh. “No, I’m fine. Thank you.”
“Honestly, the things I do for you.”
I wake up the next day, incredibly happy despite the lack of sleep. With a shaved kitty and a refreshing cup of tea, life has become a bed of sweet roses. Not to mention, I get another text from Haden which makes me smile.
I still mean what I said.
I don’t respond just yet, and when I receive a bouquet of flowers ten minutes later, my day gets even better. It’s a bunch of rainbow-colored roses with a card attached that says, “From your #Jerk.”
I can’t help but smile, until I notice Eloise walking towards my cubicle. Holy shit! Perfectly dressed in a pristine, white, turtleneck dress, she appears somewhat cheerful as she greets me hello and bends down to kiss me like we’re the best of friends.
My conscience and Kitty are on the run like fugitives, leaving me to deal with that god-awful emotion called guilt.
“Hi Presley, are you free for lunch?”
“Uh…I’m kinda busy,” I lie.
“It’s really important. Hey, nice roses.”
She leans in to sniff them and I thank God the card is still in my hands.
Reluctantly, I join her for lunch at another one of her green diet-friendly restaurants. She sits across from me, sipping her lawn in a glass, flashing her bright white teeth.
“So, first, I know we haven’t had a chance to catch up, but I heard everything went well with your trip to visit your parents.”
“Yes it did, thank you.”
“I’ve been so preoccupied with the wedding that I haven’t been able to give you this.”
She slides an envelope in front of me and I see the fancy cursive writing on the front. Opening it slowly, I see that it’s their wedding invitation.
“The date on there is next week,” I say, trying to control my nervous stutter.
“Yes, we made the decision to move it closer. It’s only very close family and friends at my parents’ house, so changing the date wasn’t really an issue.”
“I’m not sure what to say. I just think it would be uncomfortable for me to be there.”
“But you’re family. We’d really love to have you there.” She smiles.
My mind is reeling; did he know this information last night? Surely he had to. Then why did he go on and on about it just being us? Or was my brain reading way too much into this?
“How’re things going with the pregnancy?”
“Fine. Five weeks to go,” I respond with my best poker face.
“I’m kind of excited to say this, but since we are like family and I feel like I can really open up to you…Haden and I are trying to have a family.”
“You’re trying for a family?” I stare at her in disbelief.
“Yes. We spoke about it briefly, but I thought, why not go off the Pill now? Anyway, before he left for L.A. we had quite a night.” She leans in. “We did it three times that night. I really think we made a baby.”
The sound of my heart shattering into a million pieces echoes throughout the room, or at least that’s how it feels. I feel a stabbing pain, its persistent jabs creating deep, unfounded wounds. I’m infuriated with him, with her, at myself for believing that this fucked up story would become a fairytale.
“I think it will be perfect. Our babies can grow up together. I told Haden this morning that I had a gut feeling about it.”
“What did he say?” I can barely speak.
“He seemed pretty tired, but he said that if I am pregnant then we probably should get a bigger place for both of the babies.”