I offer him a smoke, and he takes it, borrows my lighter and lights up.
“So what’s up?” I run a hand over my short hair. “I see you also made your escape from her clutches.”
He keeps the cigarette between his fingers but doesn’t draw on it, just stares into the distance.
Huh. “Everything okay?”
“Cassie’s a nice girl,” he says.
O-kay. “Sure she is. I never said—”
“Fuck. Forget it.” He takes a pull from the cigarette, lets the smoke out. “Who the hell cares anyway what she’s like?”
I frown at my hands hanging between my knees, the embers at the tip of my smoke glowing. “You, obviously.”
Duh.
It’s his turn to choke on smoke. “Screw you, J.”
I snort and wipe sweat from my eyes. “Get in line, buddy.”
Finally I get a laugh out of him, and I lean back, the tension leeching out of my shoulders. “Well, you’re a manslut, J. Why are you surprised girls assume you’re game for anything fun?”
Ouch. I don’t know why it smarts to hear Seth of all people say this to me. It’s not the first time I’ve been called a whore—God, not the first time at all—but mostly it’s from people who mean nothing to me, not one of my friends. Not the guy about whose health I worry and whose chores I did this morning.
“Fuck you, too,” I mutter, throwing the stub of my cigarette to the ground and rummaging in my pocket for the pack. “You know nothing about me.”
He shakes his head and smirks. “I know enough.”
Yeah. Damn. “Bullshit.”
“I know you hate cleaning the shop. You love hotdogs and burgers, all that’s greasy. You have no clue how to deal with money, or the fact you got a steady income and a roof over your head.”
“Yeah, cut out the love talk now. One might think we’re dating or something.”
“Hard not to notice stuff.”
“And your point is?”
“You need to realize it’s true, J.”
“What’s true?”
“All of it. The roof, the money, the permanence of it. You’re off the streets.”
“And for how long? How can you think it will last, huh?” Dammit. I light my second cigarette and am horrified to find out my hands are trembling. “Fuck.”
“All I’m saying, man, is I’m right where you are. We gotta believe it and start living, you know?”
“No, I don’t know, so stop yakking. It was peaceful and quiet until you came out.”
An echo of the words Amber spoke to me when I last visited her. My gaze drops to the faded line on my wrist where my leather band used to be. It was there for years, and now I went and lost it. Fucking stupid how it hurts not to have it.
How it matters when it’s just a thing. You’d think I lost a friend. But it was a friend who gave it to me, and it was the last piece of her I had. Now I got nothin’.
“What do you know about Amber?” I ask, the words leaving my mouth before I can think, before I can wonder what she has to do with the darkness swirling in my mind.
“Amber? Ev’s friend?”
“You know more Ambers?” I say irritably, tapping a rhythm with my foot until I realize I’m doing it and stop.
Damn.
“Man, are you seriously hitting on Amber? She’s Ev’s best friend. One wrong move, Ev gets upset, Micah will break both your legs and arms. Not to mention Zane and Rafe.”
“Didn’t ask for your opinion.”
He laughs. “Right. Well, I don’t know much about her. Probably even less than you.”
Thank fuck he isn’t asking why I’m interested. “Humor me.”
“Well, she used to go to school here with Ev. Then her family moved to Chicago, and she only came back the day of the party. She’s thinking of studying design, Ev says. You know she makes jewelry.”
“I didn’t know.” I remember the pendant she wore at the party. Was that one of her pieces? I lean forward, more curious than ever. “Any reason why her family would move to Chicago?”
“Fuck if I know. Maybe her parents got jobs there?”
“Right.” Or the bullying got so bad they moved away. “That’s it?”
“Ev’s the person to ask if you wanna know more.” His gaze sharpens. “Chick really got under your skin, didn’t she?”
“She hates me,” I say, bitterness coating my tongue.
“She doesn’t hate you. She’s scared of you.”
Is she? Well, with good reason. “I frighten her and disgust her. How’s that any better?”
It comes down to the same. She doesn’t want me, and as for me… I can’t wait to see her again.
Chapter Nine
Amber
“I think I know what to wear at the wedding,” Ev says, sprawling on the couch and dumping her purse beside her with a heartfelt sigh. “I tried this white dress yesterday, I think it will be perfect.”
“A short dress?”
“Yeah, short and knitted. With beads.” She grins. “I think you’ll like it, you’re a bead person. What about you?”
A short dress is a surprise where Ev is concerned. Up until recently, she refused to wear anything short, refused to show the scars of surgery on her leg—the one her ex-boyfriend broke when he ran her over with his bike. She’d finally told me the story, after some prodding.
What a bastard.
“Don’t know yet.” What to wear—or even whether to go or not. I place the two mugs of steaming tea on the low table and sink into the chair across from her.
Ev’s eyes pop wide. “You kidding me. It’s in ten days, girl. When are you going to find something?”
“I know.” As if I could forget. My palms start sweating at the mere thought of another social event I’m supposed to attend.
“Hey, we can go shopping together!” She claps her hands together, eyes bright. “I know some cool shops. Time for you to get re-acquainted with your town.”
I pretend to think about it, while I recall my conversation with Jesse, and how he dreaded shopping. I wonder if he’ll pass by again to check if I found his leather band.
Here I am, thinking about Jesse, again, no matter how often I scold myself for it. There’s something about him that’s burrowing under my skin. I miss him. How can I miss someone I’ve only seen a handful of times?
“Have we met before?” He said that, and there’s a nagging familiarity about him, too, though I’m pretty sure I’ve never met him before returning to Madison.
This is crazy. Like something out of Lost. And it’s all in my mind.
“Amber.” Ev is waving her hands up and down, making faces at me. “Houston, come in.”
I shake my head and laugh at her antics. Silly girl. “But you already know what you’re going to buy.”
“I don’t mind tagging along to help you choose yours, girlfriend.” She sighs. “It’s good to have you back, you know.”
I eye her. She looks so much… sassier than she used to be. Confident. Strong. I want to be like her, I think—sure of myself, knowing what I need and with the courage to fight for it.
Having a slim, tight body like hers would help. Though I’m not chubby anymore, my curves are generous. Very generous. They aren’t easily contained, to be honest, and they make me self-conscious, especially in summer.
“You keep spacing out on me and I’ll start to worry.” She takes her mug and blows on her tea. “Or think you have a crush on one of the boys. You’ve been out of it since the party.”
Heat rises to my face. How can she read me so well after all this time?
“Oh my frigging God, I was right!” She squeals and for a moment I’m terrified she’ll tip the tea on her lap and burn herself. “It’s one of the boys, isn’t it? Who? Wait, don’t tell me.”
I discreetly roll my eyes.
“It can’t be Shane. You were appalled at his manners. Seth?” She leans toward me, peering at me closely. I stick my tongue out at her. “Nah. Too quiet. Too much like you.”
“Whatever,” I say, but a chill runs down my spine.