I won’t regret my time with Jesse.
God, thinking of him in the past tense hurts too much, so instead I click open the page of the University of Madison and check to see what I need to do for my transfer.
***
When I walk out of the building around midday to meet with Ev for lunch, I feel a prickling sensation on the back of my neck and turn around quickly.
A guy is heading my way. Crap, he looks like Nick, only bigger than I remember him.
This can’t be happening. It can’t be Nick. Can’t be.
Yet, without any conscious thinking on my part, I start to run. My purse flapping at my side, I race across the street, cars honking at me, and dive into a busy side street.
“Amber!” I hear a man’s voice yelling behind me, and I run faster. “Wait!”
Oh my God. Oh God. He even sounds like Nick. The voice from my nightmares.
I duck into a shop and hide behind the door, like a prop from a cheap movie, the lady behind the register opening her mouth to say something.
I put a finger to my lips and give her an imploring look.
She frowns at me.
A guy comes pounding down the street, then he slows down to a stop and looks around. “Amber.”
Good God, it is Nick. It’s really him, or else a clone. Yes, he is taller and broader than I remember—but the face is the same.
My stomach drops to my shoes. Ice trickles into my bones. I back away, into the store, hiding between the shelves, trying to control the shivers. I half expect him to stroll inside, shove me down on my ass and invite his friends to laugh at me.
This is hell. Nausea rises in my throat. I think I’m going to be sick, and I drop to my knees and curl into the smallest ball possible, trying to fade into nothing.
I’m still hiding a good while later when the cashier comes to talk to me.
“What’s wrong? Should I call the cops?” She’s not that old, only the crease between her brows and some gray hairs at her temples indicating she isn’t my age. “I hope this isn’t some prank you’re playing in my shop.”
“Not a prank,” I assure her. “The man outside who was yelling me name—is he gone?”
“Your name? Amber?”
I nod, sweat rolling down my back.
“He’s gone.” She shakes her head as she returns to her place behind the counter, and I’m sure she still thinks it’s a stupid prank.
I don’t care. I thank her and step out, feeling cold in spite of the sunny day.
Ev is waiting for me at a diner she discovered tucked into a tiny alley. She waves at me and I go to join her at the back. Sliding into my vinyl seat, I do my best to smile and forget what happened.
Still don’t understand how Nick found me. What he wants from me.
I shiver and grab the plastic menu to cover it. “What are you having?”
“The burgers are divine.” She’s checking her phone, distracted. “And the onion rings.”
“Perfect. I’ll have the same.” I throw the menu back on the table, the thought of food making me queasy. “So how have you been?”
Ev isn’t fooled one bit by my performance, though. The moment she looks up from her phone, her smile drops.
“What happened now? Did you run into Jesse again?”
I think of the white roses waiting in a vase, so delicate and beautiful. “No.” I sigh, fold my hands on the table in front of me. I’m still rattled, and at least this is something I’d talk to Ev about—in contrast to Jesse and the roses. “I ran into Nick Harris.”
Ev gasps and reaches for me, covers my hands with hers. Now she knows everything about those dark years of my life and doesn’t have to ask who Nick Harris is.
“When? What happened?”
“That’s the thing. I didn’t just run into him.” My hands shake underneath hers. “He followed me. Ran after me, shouting my name.” I swallow hard. “I hid inside a store until he left. Why would he do that?”
“I don’t know, girl. Makes no sense to me.”
Me neither. “He was outside my building, waiting for me to come out. He knows where I live, Ev.”
“Crap. Should we tell the police?” She bites her lower lip, deep in thought. “Hey, wasn’t he at the wedding reception?”
“You saw him, too? I thought I was going crazy.” Shit.
“I will ask Audrey. I see her often, because we have moved close to her.”
“Okay.” My heart is beating uncomfortably fast.
“Maybe he just wants to talk to you,” Ev says, pulling her hands away when a waitress approaches.
“What would he have to say to me?”
She shrugs, then rattles off our order and leans back. “I don’t know. But what would he do if he caught you in the middle of the street?”
Honestly, no clue. I just can’t let him catch me. As it’s become my habit in the last two weeks, I rub the band at my wrist. It smells of leather and faintly, of Jesse.
“What are you doing?” Ev snickers. “Are you sniffing your bracelet?”
I lower my hand hurriedly. “And if I am?”
“Is that…?” She falls silent when our food arrives, then leans forward again. “Is that Jesse’s?” She gives a small, sad smile. “I do that with Micah’s stuff. I’d roll in his scent all night and day if I could.”
My lips tremble, and I press them together. “And if it is Jesse’s? Will you tell me again how stupid I was to fall for him? I know, okay?”
“Oh, girlfriend.” Ev’s eyes look wet, and I don’t know why. “I’m sorry. What if I was wrong for telling you not to trust him?”
“Wrong? You saw what he did.”
“I saw what everyone saw. But what if he’s telling the truth? What if she came on to him and he was only trying to push her away?”
Innocent until proven guilty?
“Now you’re on his side?”
“He’s been telling everyone he didn’t kiss her. Dammit, I love Cassie. She’s my friend, but this time…” A tear rolls down Ev’s cheek. “She’s lusted after Jesse for a long time. She thinks they are alike. That for them both sex is meaningless. She may have pushed her luck with him at the reception.”
A breath is locked in my lungs. Could it be?
“The guys say he hasn’t gone out once since the wedding,” Ev goes on, “that he hasn’t been seen with a single chick. That he looks devastated. That he isn’t acting like himself.”
The thought of Jesse devastated makes my stomach twist.
What if he is telling the truth?
The guy who gave me his one prized possession, who told me he wanted to be with me. What if I’m the one who’s in the wrong?
But what if I’m not? After putting my heart through the ringer once for him, how can I risk it again? I’m still bleeding inside.
I think for the thousandth time about the lion pendant. I really am going to go over to his apartment and give it to him. See him. Let him explain what happened once more.
But how can I be objective about this when I’m face to face with him? My brain stops when I’m near him, when I see his eyes, hear his voice—which is why I’ve been avoiding him. Even hearing the voice messages he’d been leaving me threatens my resolve, so I’ve begun deleting them without hearing them.
But he hasn’t gone out. Hasn’t been with another girl.
My head spinning, I poke at my burger and onion rings, then end up drinking my soda and ignoring the rest. Ev, on the contrary, has been scarfing down everything so fast I’m afraid she’ll choke.
“Hey, slow down. Doesn’t Micah give you enough to eat?” I steal one of her onion rings—because hers look so much better than mine, of course—and deftly snatch my hand back before she slaps at it. “Must be the workout he puts you through every night, I guess.”
She scowls at me.
“Seriously…” I swallow hard. “May I ask you for a favor?”
She chews on a bite of her burger, her golden eyes narrowing. “You want Micah’s diet plan?”
“Not likely. After seeing how hungry he lets you go…” I put down my soda. “No, I’d like you to check a name through the system.”