Turns out he wears a toupee.
I tossed the rug away, grabbed the shoulders of his suit coat and hauled his limp, smelly, flabby ass off the lift.
The doors closed.
We were on a floor with several suites of offices. All closed.
A kinder God would have given me a men’s clothing designer, a knife shop, and an armorer. Instead I got a CPA, an investment broker, and a real-estate attorney.
You take what you’re given.
I let Bishop lay there. He was dead weight for me now. He wasn’t my problem. Instead I picked up the chair and swung it as hard as I could at the big picture window of the attorney’s office. I cowered back as it shattered.
Bishop didn’t need his jacket, so I pulled it off. I considered taking his shoes, but he had small feet — maybe eight or nines. I have thirteen wides. No joy there, but I took one to smash out the last of the glass in the window frame. I did a quick reappraisal, then stripped off his dress shirt and spread that over the glass on this side of the frame; and bent over the frame and laid the jacket on the other side. Then I vaulted the frame, which was waist-high, crunched over the padded glass, and entered the offices.
First thing I looked for was a phone. Found the secretary’s desk, figured out that I had to dial nine for an outside line, and called the duty sergeant at the Warehouse. I gave him the address, a quick rundown on the situation, and my location inside the building. I told him to scramble everyone who could pull a trigger.
As an afterthought I told him to bring me a pair of pants.
Then I told him to patch me through to Bug, our computer guy.
“This is an open line,” I said as soon as Bug answered.
“Copy that, Cowboy. What’s going on?”
I gave him an even briefer version of the story.
“I don’t have my com with me,” I said, “and I’m probably going to have to keep moving. Kind of a Die Hard situation.”
“How can I help?”
“Be creative. I need the power out and I need some distractions. See what you can do.”
“No problem.”
“And call Church. He knows I’m here, but he doesn’t know this. I need him to control local law and the press. I do not want to be on the front page of the paper with my dick hanging out.”
“You talking literally or figuratively?”
“Literally. I’d give a month’s pay for a thong and ballet slippers.”
“Jeez.”
“Get moving, Bug.”
“Already working on it.”
I hung up.
The cavalry was coming, and that was good news.
I heard a sound — Bishop groaning. Soon he was going to start yelling.
Shit.
I ran back, vaulted the frame again and spent some quality time kicking him unconscious. Brutal? Yeah. Uncivilized? Sure.
Satisfying?
You betcha.
If he survived today he was going to need a damn good dentist. I did give him the courtesy of angling him so that he didn’t choke to death on his bridgework.
Then I ran back into the lawyer’s office to look for a weapon.
I found exactly nothing. No guns, no knives, nothing.
“Okay,” I told myself, “plan B.”
In jujutsu, which is the hand-to-hand combat system developed by the Samurai, there’s a nasty little subscience called hadaka-korosu. Loose translation is the art of the naked kill. No, it isn’t the art of fighting in the buff. Naked kill refers to self-defense and combative offense using commonplace objects as weapons, meaning those things that aren’t designed for that purpose. It’s basic tool use. Any object has some combative potential so long as it can be seen, heard or felt. You couldn’t use, for example, a single tear or a soft contact lens because they can’t be perceived in any useful tactical way.
Everything else falls into a basic weapon category. There are blunt objects, things you can throw, items that will cut, flexible things useful in binding, objects that will distract, and so on. It’s like MacGyver if he wanted to go medieval on people. Or, as one of my instructors said, “Imagine fifty people trapped in a building during the zombie apocalypse. One of them is a handyman, the kind of guy who can fix anything, make stuff, and use tools. Which of those fifty people is going to survive? Which one is going to become the most valuable person in the building? In a real-world crisis, when everything is falling apart, the handyman always gets out.”
I’ve taken that sort of advice to heart. I once strangled someone with a bikini top. Long story. Done a bunch of other bad things to bad people using whatever was to hand.
The irony of actually being naked was not lost on me; but I wasn’t amused. Ha-fucking-ha.
There was another sound from outside.
A voice. Not Bishop’s though.
I snatched a few things off the secretary’s desk and ran back to the hall where I caught a snatch of what the voice was saying.
“Nothing on seventeen. Heading down one.”
There was a squawk of feedback from a walkie-talkie. Nothing I could understand.
“Roger that.”
The voice was close. Right outside of the fire tower door.
The lights went out.
Bam, just like that.
It plunged the whole building into utter darkness.
Thank you, Bug.
A yard away a line of pale yellow appeared in the wall of featureless shadows. The door opening. Lights from the fire tower emergency lights spilled out, pale and weak.
The door began swinging inward, and I rose up and rammed it with every ounce of body mass, fear, and rage. Steel hit flesh. There was a single bang, and something hot burned past my ear, but I didn’t care. I had Bic pens in each hand and began chopping at a shadowy figure. I hit him in the chest, the throat, the mouth, the sinuses, the left eye. I buried one pen so deep into his eye socket that as he screamed and reeled back the pen was torn from my hand. His hands went up to try to fend off the assault, but he bungled it. His gun went flying. I tried to grab it, but it spun over the rail and dropped into the stairwell. It fell so far I never heard it land.
It was the goon called Red, and he was screaming too loud.
I grabbed his tie, jerked it out and then slammed my forearm down on it. The leverage, plus my two hundred and ten pounds of mass snapped him down to his knees. His screams stopped, and as an after-echo I heard the bones in his neck break apart.
He didn’t die right away. Broken necks aren’t always an off switch, but I let Red lay there and die. Fuck it.
I crouched and did a fast pat-down.
He had one extra magazine. No backup piece, though. And no knife.
Damn it.
I started to pull off his clothes, but the stairwell was suddenly filled with shouts and the sound of pounding feet. Ten floors down and coming fast. Those big sons of bitches.
I ran back to the lawyer’s office for more goodies.
I was very fast about it.
By the time I got back to the fire tower, the spry sons of bitches were only three flights below me.
I decided against the stuff I’d just grabbed. Not enough time. So, I squatted and hoisted Red onto the rail.
“Yo!” I said in a bad imitation of the dying man. “Fucker went up.”
I saw a head and shoulders lean out from one floor down. Billy.
I dropped Red on his face.
Big, wet crunch that could not have boded well for either of them.
Then there were bullets from the level below them filling the fire tower and whanging off of everything.
I got out of there fast.
The emergency lights were on in the office now. Not good.
Using Bishop as a shield was not going to work. Not this time. He was covered with blood and looked dead.