“Your grandma explained how much I’d hurt you, and how devastating it was when you found Alan and me in bed together. David, you have to believe me, it never would have happened but for my own stupidity. I forced my way into going to campuses with you. Your grandma explained how selfish that was. Your purpose was to find a college that would not only be a fit but had long-range implications to help you make it to the NFL. Two weekends in a row, you had to deal with my friends and me as a distraction.
“I want to talk about Alan, and I promise this’ll be the last time. Is that okay?” she asked.
“Not really, but let’s get this over with,” I said, letting some of the irritation I felt come through.
“I understand this is hard for you to hear, but I need to say it. Alan and I went a little crazy and had too much to drink. Brandon wanted to know how we knew each other so well. We told him about being best friends with you and Jeff. Brandon asked if we used to do any kinky foursomes. Alan said that I only had eyes for you, so neither he nor Jeff ever made a move on me.
“Brandon asked if we ever thought about getting together, and we admitted that we never had. He encouraged us to kiss and see if there was any chemistry. I admit that it felt naughty, and I was a little horny after seeing all those college guys. I didn’t expect that Alan would be such a good kisser. Gina must have taken her time and taught him,” she said.
Those old feelings of rage begin to bubble up in my gut, surprising me. I needed to accept that I would always feel that Tami was mine, even though she’d made it abundantly clear that she wasn’t.
“I didn’t think much more of the kiss at the time. We just had fun and got drunk off our asses. I remember Brandon helping us get to the hotel, and getting into bed with my clothes on. I’ve wondered what happened that night, to the point that I went and talked to Alan yesterday. He remembered it pretty much the same way. Neither one of us knows how we got naked. I have to hope … no, that’s not right … I know that even if Alan were drunk out of his mind, he would never take advantage of me,” Tami said.
“Look, even if it did happen, it was with Alan, someone you care about.”
I ignored the fact that I’d found the condom. Tami wanted to believe that Alan, one of her best friends, hadn’t had sex with her. There was no need to ruin her friendship with him by throwing it in her face.
“I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry it happened. I’m not trying to make excuses, but I thought you needed to know what really happened.”
“Somehow, I doubt we’ll ever know what really happened,” I said.
“You’re probably right. Can you forgive me?” Tami asked.
“I already have.”
“Will you ever be friends with Alan and me like we used to?” she asked.
“I guess anything’s possible.”
Tami’s eyes dropped, and she bit her lower lip. Something I would always be with Tami was honest. I could’ve said yes, everything would go back the way it was before, but too much had happened. And not just with Tami and Alan. I could add my mom and dad, and, of course, what Cal had done to me. The one I didn’t talk about, but that still affected me profoundly, was Angie. Finally, what Candy had done to Flee reminded me of Devin Range and Nancy.
All those events had changed me. I would forever be slightly guarded because I now knew what people were really like. I don’t understand why my string of woman-troubles from Tracy to Harper hadn’t done it, but for some reason, I’d bounced right back. Since this summer, I’d had Devin steal my ‘assistant.’ My best friend had died, and my other best friend had rejected me to explore herself. My dad revealed he had a love child, and my mom went a little nuts. I found my two best friends naked in bed together and a used condom. They couldn’t honestly expect me to believe nothing happened. A good friend of mine’s girlfriend turned out to be a hooker. Finally, I’d gotten Pam pregnant. If all that had happened to someone else, I would expect to find them curled up in a corner, whimpering.
So, the big question was, would our friendship be the same? I really doubted it.
“Your grandma described how you handled Cal. Your mom had said you were becoming a man, but I guess I needed to hear it from your grandmother. She also told me about your trip to LA and what a big deal it might turn into. I believe she was most impressed with how you’re going about buying another farm. Your grandma said you’ve shown a lot of maturity in getting all the facts, and not just jumping in.
“That all sounded fine until I talked to Carl. I knew that you talked to him, and I wanted to know what was going on. I finally got him to tell me what you’d said, and for some reason, I was surprised. If I’d been in your place, I can’t imagine that I would’ve given him better advice. I don’t believe he’ll take it, and I’d bet that he doesn’t make it to Christmas with Beth. Nevertheless, what it showed me was that I underestimated you. If I could go back and change my answer from this summer, I would. Do you believe we can ever be a couple? Do you think we can have our someday?” Tami asked.
“I guess anything’s possible.”
“Oh, David,” she sighed. “I guess I deserved that. You’ve said that you’d like us to be friends. Did you really mean that?”
“Yes, I’d like that, but I can’t see us ever being as close as we once were. The best analogy I can give is, I was a wolf and bared my throat to you multiple times. And each time you ripped it out. If anyone else had done that, I’d be done with them, but my mother would never forgive me,” I admitted.
“What does your mother have to do with this?”
“She loves you.”
“What?” Tami asked, aghast.
“Tami, over the years, you were always with me. She liked Jeff and could tolerate Alan, but you became her daughter. So, I guess what I’m saying is that you’re family. Not the weird family I have with my new half brother, but I consider you my sister. If I think of you that way, we can be friends.”
“And that allows you to handle my dating because if we ever got together, it would be like incest,” Tami finished my thought.
“I guess,” I admitted.
“I was wrong. You’re still a ‘stupid boy’ who doesn’t realize that I love you.”
“Please don’t go there. I can’t handle any more of the ‘I love you but’ talks. I’ve moved on, I’ve accepted that someday is a pipe dream. It was necessary for my own sanity; I simply had to. Please don’t try to mess with my head anymore. Seriously, I’m begging you,” I said.
Tears started to stream down Tami’s cheeks, and her bottom lip began to quiver.
“Your grandma was right. I am a ‘stupid girl,’ and I’ve messed up the best thing I ever had and didn’t even realize it. How will I ever fix this?”
“I honestly doubt that you can. If we have a someday, it won’t be anytime soon. This time I believe it’s you who needs to grow up. If we ever were to get back together, we’d have to be equals. No games, no trying to change each other, no running to my mom or your friends. If you think you need more experience with dating and other stuff, then get it out of your system.
“My life might be changing once again. I have a feeling movies might be a possible career path. I love football, but I need to see where this’ll take me. Right now, I don’t have time for a serious anything. I’m sure we’ll figure it out. We care about each other too much for us not to have to. Plus, now you’re family,” I teased.
“For now, I’ll take that. It’s better than I had before we talked. Thank you, David.”
We hugged it out and then she left.
◊◊◊
My apartment door opened, and I heard the click of nails as Duke ran up the stairs. He was sure I’d abandoned him. I wondered how he would handle me being gone for two months. I was surprised when Peggy Pratt followed him up. She looked good, especially because her baby had made her boobies bigger.