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While I’d been on vacation, Uncle John had met with my ‘entourage,’ as well as Halle, Zoe, Pam, and Peggy. He and Aunt Bonnie were at my house when I made it home. They’d been by the hospital to see Coby. I planned to go after dropping my books off.
“Just the man I wanted to see,” Uncle John said.
“I’m going to go visit Pam and Coby. Why don’t you come with me?” I suggested.
He grabbed his jacket and drove me to the hospital.
“I wanted to talk to you about your friends. I sat down with each of them and helped them set their goals. They told me you wanted to talk to them about achieving them.”
“I think I want to add a new goaclass="underline" ‘Helping those close to me realize their dreams,’” I said.
“That sounds like a great goal as long as your help isn’t just financial,” Uncle John cautioned.
“Did you get a feel for what they want to be when they grow up?” I asked, trying to be smart.
“Some. I was a little surprised at the loyalty some of them have towards you.”
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“I used to do this for a living, if you remember. Most people your age are busy finding themselves, and their focus is on them. Now and then, you’ll see someone become focused on another person, but that normally is part of their ‘winning strategy,’” Uncle John explained.
When I stayed with him the summer before high school to get my head on straight, he’d taught me much about life. One of his lessons was the concept of strategies people used in life to win others over. If you paid attention, you could figure out what those strategies were. An example was the funny person who used humor to get people to like them. Another was the one who made themselves indispensable; they would solve all your problems for you in a quest to tie you to them. Others were bullies; they knew if they were a big enough jerk, they would get their way. Still others were teacher’s pets, and the list went on.
What Uncle John was talking about was the guy or girl who got their first girlfriend or boyfriend and then focused on them. They obsessed about what the other person was doing and how they could get them to like them more. While it sounds great to be on the receiving end at first, you quickly realize that they become clingy.
“So, what are my friends focused on?” I asked.
“They’re still thinking in terms of ‘what’s in it for me?’ That attitude doesn’t really change for some people. Others begin to grow up when they have a life event and realize they’re not the focus of the universe. A good example is you having Coby. I bet when you held him for the first time, he suddenly became a big part of your life’s focus. You might want to add a life goaclass="underline" I would suggest ‘Being a good father.’”
I could see that.
“So, what point did you want to make?” I asked to get him back on track.
We’d done this more than once, and he just smiled at me.
“Almost all your friends want to go to college with you. Tim and Wolf want to play ball with you. They both want to have you in their life even after football. That could also be said for Cassidy, Tracy, and Tami.”
“What about Alan, Halle, Pam, Peggy, and Zoe?” I asked.
“I don’t want to give the plot away,” he teased. “I want to be with you when you sit down with them.”
“You worried I’ll mess this up?”
“No, I’m sure you’ll do fine. This is what I love to do, though. I believe I can help you construct a plan for each of them, now that they’ve identified their goals. Why don’t I sit in on the first few and we help them figure out how to take those goals and turn them into reality? If you feel you can handle it from there, I’ll step back and let you take it,” Uncle John suggested.
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We went in to see Pam and Coby. Tracy was holding my son when we walked in. It looked like Pam had just fed him, and Tracy was patting his back. I recognized her problem before she even knew she had one.
“You might want to put this on your shoulder,” I suggested, handing her a towel.
I’d had my share of little ones burping up their dinner on my shoulder. It was something that was best not learned the hard way. The first time Kyle did it to me, I about barfed on his head in retaliation. I smiled when she put the towel in place, and Coby rewarded her efforts thirty seconds later.
“Eww,” Tracy complained and handed Coby to me.
“You got her good,” I said, smiling down at my son.
I couldn’t believe that this little creature would grow up into a man someday. He just looked so tiny.
Yep, not done throwing up! I knew better. I took him to the bathroom and cleaned him up. When I came back out, Pam had doe eyes, and I just smiled at her.
“I have no idea what I’m doing,” she admitted.
“You should have seen David’s mom and dad when Greg was born,” Uncle John said. “I’d never seen two such confident people almost crumble with worry. I remember my mom telling them that people had been doing this for thousands of years, and somehow, they’d all figured it out. You won’t get it all right, but if you focus on loving that little guy, you’ll get most of it. The cool part is he has a couple of grandmas who love him to death and will be there to help you through it.”
“That, and if he gets out of control, we can just ship him off to his great-uncle for the summer,” I said.
Uncle John suddenly looked stunned.
“You don’t know how old that just made me feel. My brother has two kids who have kids. Dear Lord, I’m getting ancient.”
“Just think, when Aunt Bonnie has her first, he’ll be younger than all our kids,” I teased.
“There he goes again, being a Dawson …” Tracy smiled, “and just assuming they’ll all have boys. I can’t wait until you have a little girl.”
I gave her a mock look of horror.
“A little girl would run him ragged, and then he’d have a stroke when she started dating,” Pam predicted.
She was probably right. If I had a girl, she could wrap me around her little finger. She could also wait to date until she was thirty.
“I talked to your mom. I’m going to take Coby home until I go back to school if that’s okay with you,” Pam said.
“Of course it is. I want you to be around him as much as you want to be.”
“What about his Aunt Tracy?” Tracy asked.
“She can visit too,” I said. “Whenever she wants.”
The nurse came in and saw that Coby had fallen asleep in my arms.
“All done, I see. Let me put him down until he’s hungry again,” she said, taking him.
“Do you plan to continue to breastfeed him?” I asked.
“They told her that breastfeeding burns 500 calories a day. She wants to lose her baby weight,” Tracy supplied.
Breast milk was better than formula for several reasons. The biggest problem I saw was Pam wouldn’t always be around. She could, of course, get a breast pump and store her milk. I figured I couldn’t force her to do it, but I wouldn’t discourage it either. So I did a Dawson and shut up.
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When we got home, I agreed to meet with my friends with Uncle John. He helped me add to my goals. They now read:
Be a Good Father
Financial Stability
Comfortable Life
Good Education
Physically Fit
Solid Moral Foundation
Religion / Faith
Man of integrity (Man of my word)
No gossip
Think before saying ‘yes’