Uncle John looked around at us. It was obvious we were all a bit wrung out.
“I’m going to wrap this up for this afternoon, and for the week, by leaving you with just a few sayings I’ve picked up over the years. Think about them. Roll them around in your brain. Talk to me about them or about anything else we’ve talked about if you want. But mainly, consider whether these sayings might have a place in your life. Here’s the list,” he said, handing out another sheet of paper.
To have good friends, you must be a good friend. That means you must be there for them if they really need you. You must have their back. You must keep their confidences by not sharing with others any information that’s not yours to share. And you need to share the joys and the sorrows along the way.
To truly be a close friend to someone, you must be ready to forgive his or her one great flaw.
Forgive, but never forget.
Trust, but verify.
Use the past to guide you, but never let the past rule you.
And finally, once again: If you don’t believe in yourself, why should anybody else believe in you?
“There are times when you’ll find that people you thought you could trust might not have your best interests at heart. Who you let into your circles of trust, and how deeply you let them in, is important. The circles of trust are not all about keeping people out, it’s also about who you let in,” Uncle John said as he stood up. “Now go have a great rest of the week. I’ll be happy to talk with you as questions come up.”
Great! A guys’ week and we had homework.
◊◊◊
We decided to wait to go fishing again until later. I was starting to worry that Dad and Uncle John were getting old because they seemed to need naps. Greg took Phil to go play some pool, while Paul did his own thing. I got my tablet out and continued reading one of the novels I’d downloaded. When I was younger, I would read at least one if not two books a week. It was something I missed.
After about an hour of reading, I was bored, so I got out a sheet of paper to do the homework assignment Uncle John had given us. I found my inner circle was a surprisingly short list.
Inner Circle: Mom and Dad / Greg / Uncle John / Grandma Dawson.
I felt that I needed to add some people, but they weren’t quite at the level that included my family. These were people I felt were in my corner, and I could tell them anything, and it would be kept in confidence. They just were my inner circle, like my family was.
Inner Circle / Nonfamily: Peggy / Beth / Mrs. A / Mrs. Glade / Pam / Cassidy / Suzanne / Kara.
My middle circle would be people I trusted and liked, some a lot. With time, they could move up. Maybe one of them might someday work their way into the family level of trust. These people I considered my best friends.
Middle Circle: Tracy / Tami / Wolf / Tim / Zoe / Rita / Halle / Brook / Paul / Fritz / Yuri.
I decided to refine the list and add people I thought I could trust most times but hadn’t quite earned it yet. These were people I imagined would eventually work their way to the Middle.
Middle Circle Level 2: Phil / Roc / Caryn / Sandy Range / Frank Ingram / Adrienne and Tyler / Ms. Dixon / Kendal / Mary Dole / Granny / Johan / Moose / Coach Mason / Coach Haskins / Bo Harrington / Lily / Chuck / Sarah / Kat / Harper / Missy / Megan Crowley / Little Tony.
I admit I struggled a bit with where to place Little Tony. After all, I didn’t really know him that well. But as I thought about him, I realized that Middle Circle 2 was where he belonged, for a variety of reasons. Although he could be scary at times, so could my mom, and all of our interactions to date had been positive. He’d shown up to support me when there was no need for him to do so. While Tony had admitted to being part of a Mafia family, he was working on getting them going straight. And I didn’t know of anything he’d done that was criminal, only that his father had, and Tony was working to fix that. He was on my side against Brandon Rigby, and as the old saying goes, ‘the enemy of my enemy is my friend.’
In the end, I remembered what Uncle John had told me about trusting my gut. My gut told me I could trust Tony.
The outer circle was made of people who I could trust in certain situations, but who didn’t necessarily have my best interests in mind. They would do what was best for them if our interests ever came into conflict.
Outer Circle: Coach Hope / Teammates like Ty, Jake, and Ed / Classmates like Jan and Lisa / Mona / Chubby Feldman / Eve / Cindy / Tom Dole / Devin Range / Flo / Jane / Kevin Goode.
Business Circle: Mr. Morris / Mr. Hill / Saul (?).
Then there was everyone else.
Outside the Circle—Top Half: Community and acquaintances / Ford Models / Acting colleagues.
The next group was the people I had to have my guard up for, at least a little.
Outside the Circles—Bottom Half: The media / Strangers approaching me at parties.
That one sucked. Who wants to evaluate people approaching them as if they’re potentially hostile? That was a place where I needed to trust my instincts.
Then there were the people who meant me harm.
Not Trusted (Bottom Circles—Innermost): Alan Douglas / Tommy Cox / Bill Rogers / Brandon Rigby / Brad Hope / Luke Herndon / Mike Herndon / Baby Dick / The feminazis.
Finally, there were those people who were nice enough but who likely would throw me to the wolves without thinking twice if it served their interests.
Bottom Circles—Outermost; Under-the-Bus Types: Cal / Angie / Sasha / Thomas Fox / Deb Thomas / Don Rigby / Roy Thompson.
I took a breather and got a soda and then came back to the list. I was finding the exercise enlightening. It helped me see where I felt people fell in my life. I sat back down and got back to work.
Now, for a plan for dealing with them.
Me: Trust myself / Get advice from trusted advisors for blind spots, weaknesses, areas of inexperience.
Innermost Family Circle: Trust them and love them. Be aware of their blind spots or areas where family or others came first to them. Make accommodations for those areas.
Innermost Friends Circle: Be good to them. Keep them close. Let them know I trust them and that I care about them a lot. Let them know they can trust me as well.
Best Friends Circle: Treat them much the same as Innermost Friends Circle. Consider it long and hard before getting them involved with anything inside my boundaries. To do that, I’d almost have to move them up to the Innermost Friends Circle.
Middle Circle 2: Friends who aren’t as close: Treat them like those in my Best Friends Circle. Get to know them better.
Business People: Be friendly, be helpful. Remember that while I’m in it for the long term, it’s still business.
Outside the Circle—Top Half: What are situations where I can just be me? Parties put on by friends? Whenever I’m in school?
Outside the Circle—Bottom Half: Bodycam / Boundaries in place / Guard not up, but ready.
People I have bad feelings about: Trust my instincts / Boundaries up / Guard up / Alert Security
Under-The-Bus People: Be polite but keep my boundaries in place and the bodycam on. Don’t give them access to confidential or sensitive stuff. Don’t give them any ammunition.
People With Malice: Keep them far away from me and the people I care about / Know where they are at all times.
I looked the list over and got up to stretch. Well, that last part was fun!
◊◊◊