“Um, okay?” I took his ring out of my pocket and put it on the scratched desk in front of me. I felt like my heart was cracking into pieces in my chest. “I just want you to know that I love you. I still do. I have to do this for myself, but I love you.”
“I hope you’re happy with this, Brenna.” His voice was warmer than I would have expected. “Wow. Today was going really well until this. Whatever. Take care of yourself. I guess I’ll see you around.”
“Jake…” I said, but there was nothing left to say. I was just afraid to hear the click of our final disconnection. It was all spiraling out of control way too fast. I wanted to stop time, rewind, fix this, solve this, but it was too late! I was left in the ruins without knowing for sure how completely I’d made it all tumble down.
“Good bye, Brenna,” he said quietly.
And he clicked off.
Chapter Seven
I lay on the bed and shook, sobbing into my pillow. What had I expected? Jake had been surprisingly cool and calm about the whole thing. I had been unfair to him. I hadn’t given him any warning, hadn’t told him enough, and hadn’t been as honest as I should have been. I shouldn’t have done this over the phone. I should have had the respect to tell him what I felt to his face.
What did I hope to gain from this? Did I really think Saxon and I would be boyfriend and girlfriend? Did I even want that? What would happen in a week when I was back home, sitting across from Jake for half the day every day? I knew from the sick clamp in my gut that I had made a huge mistake, one that I couldn’t come back from. I had screwed up with Jake, and he wasn’t going to be understanding.
I thought about the book from my childhood, the evil witch and those scary red eyes. What had I written in my baby scrawl? How had I changed the story? In my babyhood I had understood all of my intentions and changes, but if I looked at it now, what would it be? Just a big mess, I was sure.
Jake and Saxon weren’t a book and a pack of markers. This wasn’t going to end well. I wanted to stay in my bed and let the gaping hole in my chest close up. But I had started this whole thing rolling, and I had to see it out.
I fished in my bag and found the curling iron I packed. Forty minutes later I had on way too much makeup, my hair was big and sexy and my dress was gorgeous and too tight and short. I lay on my bed and rolled Jake’s ring between my fingers.
He wasn’t mine anymore.
He wasn’t thinking of me.
He didn’t care about me.
We were done.
It felt too final. My throat felt clawed at, raw and painful. Dozens of images of me and Jake went through my head, so much loving good. But I knew that behind every good time, there was my feeling that maybe this wasn’t it. Maybe he wasn’t the one. There was the sneaky nagging reminder that my heart leapt when I saw Saxon. And I wanted to know why that happened.
So now I was free to know why. Had I expected it to be pleasant? It hurt. How else could it have worked?
Before I knew it, there was a knock on my door.
I opened it and Saxon was there, wearing a gray button down with the sleeves cuffed to his elbows and dark jeans. He looked really sexy. He smelled really sexy. But my heart wasn’t into it.
“Have you been crying?” He ducked his head to study my face and, I’m sure, my red-rimmed eyes.
“No. Come in.” I wiped at my eyes with the back of my hand.
My room was right next to my mother’s, and if it had been any other day, I would have never invited Saxon in. But it wasn’t any other day, and not only did I pull him into the room, I pulled him directly over to the bed. I sat down on it, and he sat next to me. I put my mouth on his. He tasted good, the way I remembered him tasting. He kissed me back, pulled me to him, but after a few seconds, he pulled away.
“Brenna, what’s wrong?” He cupped my cheek with his hand and rubbed his thumb along my cheekbone.
“I told Jake.” My voice was watery. It was such a relief to talk about it with someone else.
“And?” He held my hand gently.
“We broke up.” My voice shook hard.
“Are you sure?” Saxon looked a little like he was laughing at me.
“Yes!” I hated his condescending chuckles. “Why are you asking like that?”
Saxon shook his head and grinned. “Brenna, I don’t think you understand how…crazy Jake’s past is. Do you plan to sleep with me?”
“No,” I said flatly. I was in no position to even think about that. I knew for sure that no matter how much I was attracted to Saxon, what I felt for him wasn’t love, at least not yet. And that was my only real prerequisite for sex.
“Jake might be pissed. But he hates me, and he’s going to blame this on me, not you. When this is all over, if you want to kick me to the curb and take Jake back, you’ll be able to convince him.” He rubbed his hands up and down my arms.
“How could you say that?” I demanded, my voice high and warbly.
“Because I’ve known Jake his whole life. And I know how he feels about you. I don’t want to build a case for him, but he’s completely crazy about you. And you don’t understand the power you have over guys.” He looked me up and down. “I can’t believe you look the way you do, and I’m sitting here holding your hand while you cry to me about Jake Kelly.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I pulled my hand away.
He caught it again and brought it up to his lips. “Don’t, Brenna.” He kissed my palm softly. “I know you’re sad about Jake. But trust me, it isn’t over if you don’t want it to be. Can I ask, now that you’ve gone this far anyway, if you’ll at least consider taking me seriously? Forget all of our past bullshit, okay? I’ve got less than a handful of days to convince you that I’m not a complete douche bag, and I want a fair shot. Give it to me.”
His eyes had so much gold in them they looked almost brown. He looked so handsome, so sincere, that this time when I kissed him, I really felt it and really meant it. He pressed me to him, kissed me lightly on my jaw and my ears.
He whispered things to me that made me feel shaky. That I was beautiful. That he thought about me all the time. That he loved the way I smelled. That he had never felt happier than he did now.
And since I was already in deep, I let myself get lost in his words. I wound my arms around his neck and opened my mouth and filled myself with the smoky, dangerous taste of Saxon. Before I knew it, he had me back on the bed and was trying to move the straps on my dress down. I could see that crazy, fevered look in his eyes, but I stopped him.
“Enough.” It was crazy how different this was from what I had with Jake. With him, I was always the one pressing for more, but I was too muddled and Saxon was too eager. It wasn’t comfortable for me.
Saxon backed off, his hands up in the air in an ‘innocent’ gesture. Just then there was a knock at the door.
Caroline was there in a slinky black dress. Lydia scowled in tight jeans and a red halter and Brian looked less dorky in a plain button down with some gel in his hair.
“Hey, Brenna.” Caroline eyed my dress with one blonde eyebrow high. She smiled appreciatively at Saxon. “Hey Saxon.”
“Caroline.” He nodded.
Something flashed between them, and once again I felt like the idiot innocent in the middle. Saxon’s past was just as shady as Jake’s, but Saxon didn’t have any of the regrets Jake had, at least on the surface.
Caroline introduced everyone, then the parents came out to take our pictures and warn us to be careful. Mom looked worried, but happy. Me going out with a group of ‘good’ kids in Paris was basically worry free for her, even if I was dressed like a young hooker and we were going to a large, popular dance club.
“Be good.” She took my hand and twirled me, then kissed me.