“So, I’m just like a hamster to my parents?”
“No.” He swept a quick kiss on my hair. “Nothing as mindless and disposable as a hamster. You’re like a thoroughbred, like some magnificent creature they’re going to care for and set in the right direction, and bet all of their fortunes on. And probably win.”
“Weird, but okay.” I thought about it for a minute. “What kind of pet are you, then?”
“Something no one’s supposed to have as a pet, but they have it because it’s cool. Like an anaconda. I’m like a showoff kind of animal, but I’m not going to show you affection or love.”
“That’s a stupid comparison, Saxon. You’re not uncaring. You’re just…misguided.” I looked over at him and his face made my throat feel scratched and dry. His mouth was crimped into something like a smile, but his eyes were definitely sad.
“What am I then?”
“Maybe you’re like a wolf cub,” I suggested. “Maybe you’re half domestic and half wild.”
“You’re holding out hope for me?” His hand tightened on my hip.
“Always,” I promised. “So if you think of yourself as a wolf cub and not a snake, isn’t there real hope that you could give in to your domestic side?”
“Yeah.” He kissed my head again. “But, shit Brenna, even domesticated dogs go crazy and maul their owners sometimes. Who the hell would trust a wolf?”
He’s right. A wolf. It’s something that I’ve associated with him since I first met him. He’s savage and frightening, loyal and fearless, dangerous and beautiful.
“Maybe you need to find other half wolves,” I suggested.
He snorted. “I’ve been hanging with misfits and lowlifes my whole life. It hasn’t done anything good for me yet.”
Mom and Lylee walked into a cafй. Saxon stopped me before the entrance.
“Thanks,” he said, and kissed me softly.
“For what?”
“For voluntarily wading through my bullshit. For being willing to see something good in me, even if I don’t give you much reason to.” He looked at me, and his look was definitely adoring, and definitely made my heart thud a little. “Let’s eat. You look a little faint. It’s been, what, four hours since your last meal? I’m shocked starvation hasn‘t set in yet.”
“Well, I’m finding you really attractive, so my defenses are obviously down right now. I’m sure how good you look to me has a direct link to how low my blood sugar is.”
“You find me attractive because you’re a red blooded woman.” He smiled a self-assured smile.
We went in and sat with Mom and Lylee. Mom looked surprised to see Saxon there. He pulled my chair out for me, which I didn’t expect, but liked.
“Saxon,” Mom asked over her menu. “How has your junior year been? I guess you’re coming close to choosing a college.”
“My mom has her heart set on Drew.” Saxon reached for his cigarettes, but caught my eye and decided against them. “But I’m looking at taking a year off.”
“Do you want to travel?” my mother asked, reaching for the one and only reasonable alternative to going on to higher education right away. Mom did not understand the concept of not wanting to be at college.
“No.” Saxon moved the silverware around on the table in a jerky circle, his hands jittering for something to do. “Just want to take a year to relax a little. I’m thinking of going to Alaska, working in a cannery.”
Lylee chuckled indulgently. “Why would you want to head somewhere where the ratio of men to women is five hundred to one?”
“Maybe I want to get away from women for a while.” He glared at her.
“Saxon, you should just embrace who you are. You can’t just hermit yourself in Alaska and think that will make you some introspective monk.” She stirred her creamy coffee and took a sip, pursing her lips so cutely I thought she must have practiced it.
“I think some honest labor would do me good,” he snapped.
“Why? We don’t need any more money, God knows that.” She shuddered delicately, like she was talking about more leprosy or more tornadoes.
“It’s not mymoney.” Saxon’s face colored. I had never watched people fight so intimately and openly in front of other people before. I looked at Mom across the table, and she wore the exact open-mouthed stare I was sure was plastered on my own face.
“It’s family money, Saxon. That makes it yours. Don’t quibble over the fine print.” Lylee sighed. Then she looked up at Mom and I like she had just remembered we were there. “It’s so rude of us to have a family argument in front of the two of you.”
What was there to say? Mom and I looked at each other, but we couldn’t come up with a single thing between the two of us.
“Where are you planning to apply, Brenna?” Lylee asked, but it was clear that she wasn’t all that interested.
I shrugged. “I’m still a sophomore. I haven’t really narrowed anything down yet.”
“Brenna is going to study at Trinity in Dublin this summer,” Mom bragged. “Thorsten and I would be so happy if she went to college overseas.” She reached out and patted my hand. “We would miss her so much, but you have to take these opportunities when you’re young and unattached.”
“Or just never get attached. That’s how I manage.” Lylee laughed, a tinkling sound that was ugly in my ears.
Wasn’t motherhood the ultimate attachment?
Saxon gritted his teeth, then looked over at me.
“So, Ireland this summer?” He smiled. “Maybe I should look into the program.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t,” I said, and wanted to bite my tongue. Saxon and I had such a natural back and forth that I forgot to speak normally to him when we were around other people. His mother, of course, thought it was beyond funny. Mine frowned.
“There are several good programs, Saxon,” my mother said firmly. I’m sure she hated seeing Lylee put her own son down. It just didn’t mesh with Mom’s idea of good family. “There’s one in Iran. Archeology,” Mom said brightly. I suppressed a sigh. That was the one she deemed “way too unsafe for Brenna.” I guess it was good enough for Saxon.
The food arrived and every one of us was glad for the distraction. Conversation in our group was actually painful, and I was really hoping we didn’t get stuck going out in our little quad too often.
We tried a few more seemingly mundane topics, but it didn’t get any better, so we hurried through our meals, and when all was done, we got up hurriedly.
“I’m going to head back to the dorm sweetie. I promised Thorsten I’d call before he left for work, and I want to take notes on ideas for a Louvre trip. Are you going to go out?” Mom put on her coat and slung her purse over her shoulder.
Saxon put a hand at the small of my back. “I think so. I think Saxon and I will roam around a little.”
She gave Saxon a wary look. “Take care of yourselves.” She kissed me on the cheek.
Lylee and Saxon didn’t talk. She just flipped him a wave and followed Mom. I could tell Mom wasn’t thrilled.
“Your mom is badass.” Saxon watched the two women walk away and pulled out his cigarettes the minute they were out of sight.
“Sorry. She’s a little scary, right?” I was used to my mother freaking people out.
“She loves you. She thinks you’re awesome. And she obviously doesn’t put up with any bullshit. Isn’t that pretty much a perfect mom?” He pulled me close and kissed me. My head felt light and wonderful.
“She is pretty perfect.”
“Lucky,” he gritted out.
Chapter Nine
We started out in the cool Parisian air. “Not really. It’s good. It’s really good to have Mom and Thorsten. But it’s a lot of pressure.”
“Why?” He looked at me like I had twelve heads. “You could do whatever, and they would obviously still worship at your shrine.”