“Brenna.”
No one ever said my name like that before; like a plea, like the endnote of an argument, like it was the most hopeless, sorriest of all the words there were to say.
“I careabout you. I do. But some things are mine to give, and could never, ever be yours or anyone else’s to demand. And it will never be up for discussion. Does that make sense?” This time, when I reached for his face, he didn’t back away. He closed his black eyes and his eyelashes tangled together. He nuzzled his jaw against my hand.
When he finally spoke, he seemed calmer. Or maybe defeated.“You think too much, you know that? Brainiac.” He brought my palm to his lips and kissed it, then tucked a strand of hair behind my ear like it was his to move. I didn’t even attempt to stop him. “Go to the bathroom. Or whatever. Let me take care of the bill and see if I can get the waitress’s number. Maybe she can steal me some sake for later.” He tried to waggle his eyebrows with sexy bravado, but I didn’t miss the bleak look that shaded his eyes. I did ignore it, and his face communicated his thanks for that.
I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror, too pale and with purple circles under my bloodshot eyes. I wasn’t completely happy with what I saw, but at least I could look myself in the eyes again.
Saxon waited in the lobby, hands in his coat pocket, toothpick dangling out of the side of his mouth. He made a move to take his hands out of his pockets, then reconsidered and left them in. He nodded at me. “C’mon. We have a concert to get to.”
“Saxon?” I took a few steps towards him and he took an equal amount of steps back, maintaining an exact distance between us. “We could see the zombies. If you wanted. I don’t mind.”
He smiled the unhappiest smile I’d ever seen. “Don’t you ever get tired of being all mature and level-headed? You make the rest of us look like even bigger fuck-ups in comparison.”
“Mature? Level-headed?” I held my hands up. “What are you talking about? I made the biggest mess. Ever! And…I know I hurt you.”
The smile got wider and infinitesimally sadder. “Don’t give yourself so much credit. Plus that, I don’t want your pity date to ruin the zombie awesomeness. Another time, another girl who doesn’t mind brain decimation.”
“Another girl?” I felt relieved and disappointed at the same time.
“You didn’t think you’d be the last, did you?” He took two steps towards me and bumped the toe of his boot to the toe of mine. “Come on. Now! Party time. Let’s go.” He held his elbow out to me, and I linked my arm through it. His smile was smaller, but it had a tiny sprinkle of happiness. Or, at least, not as much sadness.
Everything had gone completely wrong, but somehow it had snapped back into the strange, unspoken, uneasy place that we had been at back on the first day we met, and I was happy to be there again.
By the time we pulled up at The Grange, cars had already choked the gravel driveway and people poured out and milled around the doors and in the rickety wooden building. The back of Saxon’s hand brushed mine, but he pulled it away without a glance in my direction and waved back at a few girls from the soccer team who called him over. For a second he looked torn.
“Go.” I waved my hand towards the girls who smiled and called him over.
“I’m here with you.” He bumped his shoulder against mine. “You’re a pain in the ass, but I’m not going to just ditch you.”
“It’s cool.” I pointed to the table where Kelsie was busy hocking shirts. “There’s Kelsie. I’m going to say hi. You go say hi to your friends.”
He squinted at me for a minute, then nodded. “Good thing I hedged my bets, eh, Blix?” He tossed a glance towards the girls’ soccer team, now gathered in full force and cat calling to him. “Not exactly what I wanted, but you know what they say about getting what you want.”
“That you should want what you have instead?” I guessed.
“No! That’s ridiculous advice. Jesus, who told you that? Never mind, don’t even answer that. Just forget you ever heard it. They, and by ‘they’ I am referring to those who know what the hell they’re talking about, say that you can’t always get what you want. But if you try sometimes…” He held his hand out for me to finish.
“You just might get what you need?”
He shucked me under the chin and gave me his best cocky smile. “There’s hope for you yet.”
He walked away from me with a determined swagger and didn’t look back. I know because I watched the whole long beeline he made to his adoring fans.
I wanted to say hi to Kelsie, but she was flooded with people and looked super busy. I wasn’t sure if Devon was planning on coming. He said his mom had unofficially grounded him when she got a call saying he’d failed to turn in two major history assignments.
It was way too cold to have worn this ridiculous short skirt, and I shivered a little in the biting wind. I was already feeling dead tired, and being out in the frigid air didn’t help at all. If I had my license, I would have happily driven myself home. Since I’d taken a ride from Saxon and we’d made our awkward peace, I wasn’t about to hunt him down and ask him to take me home early. I made my way inside, where people were milling around. I saw a few people from school I knew, but before I could make my way to them, Nikki blocked my path.
“Hey there, Brenna.” Her eyes looked glassy, and I noticed the sharp smell of alcohol on her. She had three friends giggling behind her, including Krista from school. Not one of them looked remotely sober.
“Um, hey, Nikki.” I attempted to brush past her, because I could feel that she was looking for a fight, and I wasn’t interested in that at all.
“Jake’s here, but he isn’t interested in seeing you.” She poked a finger out, and I think she was aiming for the center of my chest, but she wove and hit my shoulder instead.
“Okay. Look I have someone I have to go see, I’ll be going. Now.” I realized that I had been backed into one of the darker corners of the little low building. Shit. Backed into a corner and facing down four angry drunk/high girls wasn’t my idea of a good time. “What do you want me to say, Nikki? You two are together. Fantastic. Jake and I haven’t talked outside of school in weeks, so you don’t have anything to worry about.”
“Then whysee wearin’ the stupid fuckin’ watch you gave ‘im, huh?” she slurred. She blinked fast, and I saw two tears slide out of the corner of her eyes. “You don’t deserve someone like Jake! So whysee still into you? You’re a bitch and a liar! You better leave him the hell alone!” She lunged forward, and I took one step back into the corner, reaching along the wall in the hopes there was a door to a bathroom or outside or something, anything I could duck into.
“She’s not worth it!”
“Forget her! She’s nothing but a useless bitch!”
“If Jake doesn’t know how lucky he is to have you, screw him!”
Her friends were all pulling back at her, but she was still jumping forward, determined to get at me. I really didn’t want to see what the outcome of being jumped by four girls half in the bag was, but I clenched my fists and got ready to fight my way out of this corner I’d somehow gotten backed into.
Suddenly, from out of nowhere, Kelsie yanked two of the girls back and all I heard was a set of quick yelps before they went flying. In an instant she grabbed Krista by the red-tinted hair and snarled, “Get the hell away from her!”
Kelsie was usually a really gentle, sweet girl without any evidence of a mean bone in her body. Watching her unleash on these girls made my jaw drop, but it somehow made sense that all that hippie calm was a front for an intense, rarely unleashed rage. The first two had run away, but Krista was about to get into it when Jake appeared out of nowhere and threw himself in front of Kelsie.
Krista wound up landing a weak punch on his chest, and I sank against the wall with relief. If she had used her full strength and landed the punch on Kelsie, it would have smashed right into my friend’s face. Jake yanked Krista by the shoulder.