“Shambles is waiting outside. Tell him Nikki will be out in a minute.”
“I’m not leaving!” Krista snapped, her arms flailing.
“You’re drunk and high. I swear to god, I will call your father and have him come down if you don’t go now.” Jake’s face was cold and serious. Krista stopped wailing and jerking around and stomped to the door. Jake looked at Nikki, and I cowered at the pure disgust in his eyes. “Seriously, Nik? What’s with you lately?”
“Like you give a shit!” she screamed. “You haven’t paid any attention to me in weeks! I know you’re still talking to that slut!”
“Calm down.” Jake took her by the elbow. “You need to go home. Let Shambles take you. He’ll drop you to get your car tomorrow.”
“Why not you?” Her angry screech ended in a hiccup. “I spend more time with him than you, and you’re supposed to be my boyfriend! Why are you with me if you don’t even want to be?” The tears that coursed out of her eyes made her makeup run in murky black rivers down her cheeks. “You still love her, don’t you? Don’t you? Just admit it, you liar!”
Jake’s eyes locked on mine across the few feet that separated us. The electric shock that went through the air was so intense, I was surprised no one else around us reacted. My heart warmed up and swelled, and I wondered if he felt it, too. Then he tore his eyes off of me and looked back at Nikki.
“You’re drunk, Nik. And this isn’t the time or place to talk about this. I’ll call you tomorrow, when you’re in your right mind. Okay?” He spoke to her firmly but gently, and as much as I hated being the voyeur in the corner, it was fascinating.
When Jake and I dated, he usually deferred to me. He was the one who messed up, and I was the one who had all the right answers. It was amazing how many different versions of us there were, and, in a strange way, I was glad to see this other side of Jake, even if it did tear at my heart to watch him curl an arm around Nikki and walk her out into the parking lot.
Kelsie snuggled next to me. “You okay, girl? You look kind of beat.”
I wiped my suddenly damp eyes with my knuckles and let out a shaky laugh. “Kel, it’s been the world’s longest freaking night. I’m glad I’m here and all, but you don’t know how I’m lusting for my bed.”
“Did you come with Saxon?” She craned her neck and looked around for his dark head.
“I did. We’re, um, not together anymore. I mean, as much as we were, we’re not. After tonight.” My tongue felt tied in a fat knot.
“Oh.” She smiled a smile that was all sweet sympathy. “Are you happy about it?”
I nodded weakly. “I mean, happymight not be the right word. I’m just…I guess at peace with all the stupid mistakes I made. And I know there’s that old saying about how much you learn from your mistakes and all that, but, seriously, it just sucks. It sucks being wrong and stupid and screwing everything up for everyone.” I leaned my cheek against her shiny, smooth hair.
She patted my side. “You’re being hard on yourself, Bren. You know, all you can do is the best you can do. You’re going to screw up sometimes. But the people who really love you will hang in there. Like me.” She kissed my cheek, and I felt like I could relax for the first time all night.
The band came out, and I tried to put all the craziness of the night behind me. Kelsie and I screamed along with all the songs, danced until we were buckled over from laughing, and acted like the happy young fools we were. Saxon came in with three soccer girls who looked like they might scratch each others’ eyes out over him, and they were all strong, gorgeous, and determined. That scenario was probably Saxon’s wet dream. He joked and grinned a lot, but once in a while I caught him looking at me with no trace of a smile on his face.
By the time the last song played, I could hardly keep my eyes open. “I hate to ask you,” I said loudly in his ear, “’cause I can see how much fun you’re going to have, but could you give me a ride home? I don’t mind if you need to, uh, bring a friend along.” I glanced at the three girls, and their six glaring eyeballs and six aggressively crossed arms and three anxiously tapping feet. “Or three.”
Saxon’s smile died on his lips. He put his mouth close to my ear. “Really? You don’t care?”
I shook my head, and when he pulled away, I was startled at the twist of his mouth.
“Saxon, I thought you…I didn’t mean…please!” I thought we were settled, I thought it was all okay between us, but his look made me feel like maybe we weren’t.
He cupped a hand over my mouth. “Stop!” He gave me a half smile. “You open your mouth and make things worse. Drop it. I appreciate your open-mindedness. Really.” He pointed to the spot on the floor where I stood. “Wait. Right here. Okay?”
I nodded and watched Saxon corral his three competitive, gorgeous admirers and followed them with my eyes until I lost the four of them in the crowd. Folly played an encore song, then a second, but Saxon didn’t come back, and I decided to snake through the wild fans and find Kelsie. I’d just text Saxon and let him know I’d gotten home without him. It would be less awkward that way, anyway.
Just as I was leaving my assigned spot, I felt his hand on my arm, and couldn’t have imagined a better feeling. Saxon would bring me home, and I could go to bed and let this whole day wash away. My eyes felt hot and heavy, and all the smoke in the room coupled with my and Kelsie’s sing-along made my throat a burning, clawed mess. When I turned to tell him I was ready, I saw that it wasn’t Saxon.
“Jake!” I felt myself blush. “Sorry, I thought you were…someone else.”
There was no way to talk without getting close, so we leaned into each other for necessity’s sake. And I may have breathed in the smell of him, just a little, just to remember, but it was mostly because the air was so stuffy, and he smelled like a clean, cold breeze. “Saxon sent me.” His voice rumbled close to my ear. “He said to tell you something came up. He asked if I’d mind giving you a lift.”
Our eyes hooked, and I tucked the moment of closeness next to my heart even though it scorched me like a hot coal.
“It’s fine, Jake. I was going to see if I could get a ride back with whoever brought Kelsie. You know, since we live right around the corner from each other.” I wanted to go with him so badly, I knew it was a stupid idea that would only shake an excruciating dash of salt on a wide open wound.
“She’s waiting for the band to finish. You look kind of tired. Let me take you.” His voice was reasonable, adult. The same voice he’d used with Nikki, but without the disappointment and blame.
“Um, okay.” I ignored the warm anticipation that gurgled through me at the thought of Jake and me in his truck alone together. I tried to remind myself that we were completely broken up, and he had a girlfriend he cared about. I tried to ignore the flash of his watch, and I begged my heart to slow its pounding beat when I saw that it was still set on Paris time. For me.
I wanted to take his hand, but it was a tremendously stupid idea. Plus that, his hands were tucked into the pockets of his jacket. I found Kelsie and said goodbye, pointedly ignoring her wildly raised eyebrows as she glanced at Jake.
We walked to his truck silently, and he opened the door for me, pausing longer than he needed when he went to shut it. He got behind the wheel and pulled out. Minutes ticked by and I couldn’t think of anything to say. I had this twisting, aching feeling that I was wasting a chance, a miracle opportunity.
And then I thought of Saxon. And how he was surprised that I was okay with him and the soccer stalkers. How he was disappointed that I was okay with it all.
I thought of how he told me to wait, making me think he’d be right back.
But he decided not to come back for me. He got Jake instead.
Just like he promised in Paris. He paired us back up.