“Just because I messed up, doesn’t mean I don’t believe in Him. It doesn’t mean I don’t believe I did something wrong.” He held her gaze.
She blew out a breath. “And I’ve been shoving it in your face.” Tears threatened in the corner of her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’ve been defensive for so long. I shouldn’t have acted that way.”
So many different emotions seemed to play across his face; then he shrugged. “You know what’s ridiculous about the whole thing with Sheena was when I went to her, after her quiet dumping on Facebook, and asked her to marry me, she said, ‘Baby, I thought you knew you were a chess piece.’ And then she patted my cheek.” He shook his head. “Like I was a dog and we were done playing.”
Anger filled her. Insane, wild, self-righteous anger at the way Sheena had played him. “Sam, I’m sorry.” Before tonight, before this conversation when she’d seen into the vulnerable, fragile, heart of Sam Dumont, she never would have dreamed she would see this man as wronged, victimized. But he had been wronged. Her emotions bubbled to the surface, and she couldn’t stop the tears that flooded her eyes and fell out. “I’m so sorry.”
He reached forward, taking her hand again. He half-smiled. “It’s okay. We all make our own mistakes.”
Now the tears came full force. She hated herself for judging him. For shaming him. She felt her body start to shake out more tears. “I was awful to you…I thought…I never realized…” She broke off.
He was on his feet, around the table, and pulling her up. He tugged her into his arms and then ran his hand down her back. “Oh man, Tiffany Chance, don’t cry.”
She sucked in a long, shaky breath. “I’ve been so horrible to you.” She tried to get a hold of herself. “I’ve been mad at you for judging me when I judged you so poorly for so many years.”
He let out a light laugh. “Well, my life has been all over the news. I haven’t had as long to judge you.”
She laughed. “Stop.”
He pulled her back, and she felt this thing between them. This attraction. This was something different than she’d ever felt. She wondered, half-hoped, half-feared, that he’d kiss her.
But he only gave her a slow smile.
In this moment, she felt brave. “I’m proud of you.”
He frowned. “Why?”
“For wanting to marry her and make her an honest woman.”
At this, he put back his head and roared out a laugh.
“What?” She squeezed him.
He shook out another laugh that turned into a sad smile. “Tiffany, I don’t think you realize it wasn’t that I wanted to make her an honest woman. I wanted to make myself an honest man. Then I realized she’d just used me, and…I’ve been ruined ever since.”
Pulling back from him, she pulled her arms back. She needed some space from him, but she also needed to evaluate what he was saying. “Wait. You mean, you attribute your bad game playing to her?”
Throwing up his hands, he shrugged. “What can I say? I wrecked my life.” He held out a hand. “I’m not saying it was Sheena’s fault. Believe me, I know I made the poor decisions, but…I haven’t known how to get back to myself.” He sighed. “I’ve even been having these stupid panic attacks sometimes.” His brow creased. “I haven’t had one since I’ve been here though.”
She studied him, completely baffled that this man was truly this vulnerable. “You have panic attacks? Are you kidding me?”
“Yes, I know, I keep up a good veneer on the outside.”
Putting her hands on his hands, she peered deeply into his eyes. “Sam, you are the most talented quarterback I’ve ever watched play.” She pointed at him sternly. “And if you repeat that to Roman, I will deny it. But…” her thoughts went to all the statistics her father used to rattle off. “When you joined the Destroyers I can still hear my father shouting at the television, ‘Put in Dumont! He can see the field. He can see the play before it’s made. Put in Dumont, you idiots!’ And,” she said, gathering more proof, ‘you did win the championship game for them two years ago. That was you, not Roman.”
The look on Sam’s face, one of complete shock, made her grin. “What, Dumont, you think you’re the only one who can be passionate about someone else’s life?”
He shook his head and laughed, pulling her into him. “That means a lot.”
She liked being in his arms, against his solid chest. Looking out over Nashville, in this moment, so many things seemed possible.
25
Sam lay awake in bed after sneaking in the back door to Roman’s house. It was nearly four in the morning.
After holding her for a couple of glorious minutes and staring down at Nashville, he’d gotten a message from the chartered jet company that had told him they needed to get in the air or they wouldn’t be able to leave until tomorrow.
Sam had asked Tiffany if she just wanted to stay in Nashville for the night. Of course he would pay for separate rooms for both of them, but she’d insisted she had to get back to work the morning shift.
They’d gotten on the plane and mostly just stared at each other on and off for the whole plane ride back to Salt Lake. It was like they were sharing this magical, insanely romantic moment.
He’d called ahead, and a car had been waiting to drive them back to Wolfe Creek. They’d spoken about trivial things on the cab ride. As they drove through Ogden, they’d relived some things from the afternoon spent surfing there.
In the car, he’d held her hand. She hadn’t pulled away or anything when he’d taken it. Oh, he’d wanted to kiss her so badly, but more than anything, he didn’t want to push her.
So he didn’t do anything more than that.
Now, he tried to keep his eyes closed, but he was too keyed up, thinking about her, how she smelled, how she felt against him at the concert. He couldn’t believe he was acting like some lovesick kid.
He didn’t know what to make of it. Everything was uncertain in their lives. Nothing was ever set in contract negotiations until all signatures were on the papers. The Surf could take him or trade him elsewhere.
So basically he was homeless at the moment.
His thoughts flitted to Tiffany. She was still so broken from Brett. He could feel it. At the same time, it felt like they’d both crossed this huge, gaping chasm of belief between them while in Nashville.
He understood her. Her belief in something greater than herself. He wished he felt so convicted. But something that was becoming more and more clear was that his shrink had been right…apologizing to Roman and ‘mending’ the past…had helped his mental state.
It wasn’t just about Sheena or even Roman. He’d betrayed himself. And making things right with Roman…felt good.
Smiling, he thought about how he hadn’t taken any situational anti-anxiety medication for a week. That was a big deal for him. He hadn’t needed it because he hadn’t had a panic attack since he’d been in Wolfe Creek.
Since he wasn’t tired, he checked his email. Then he saw that email—the email that officially told him Miami had agreed to a contract.
Adrenaline surged through him. He shot up in bed. This was everything he’d wanted.
He was back, baby! He was going to be the new star of the Miami Surf!
Settling back down, he thought he heard a baby cry. He jumped out of bed and met Roman in the hall and told him to go back to bed.
“What?” Roman said sleepily.
“I got Maddy. You get some sleep,” Sam commanded.
Twenty minutes, two cans of baby food, and fifty push ups later, Sam finally felt himself kind of winding down. But he couldn’t get Tiffany out of his mind.
He got Maddy all cleaned up and took her out of her high chair.
“Gaa,” she said as she hit the carpet with her legs and hands in front of the toys.