I always wonder what the person who recorded the message is doing while their recorded voice is trying to sell me something I have no use for and I am yelling and cursing at them.
That is something Mother would say to me and Charlie when she wanted us to set the table or make our beds. She would say why don't you make yourself useful.
I made myself useful when Mother and I visited Charlie in the hospital. This was from when Charlie had his jaw wired shut and couldn't eat solid food. Mother tried to put his coleslaw in the blender but you know Charlie.
Instead Charlie lost twenty-five pounds in two weeks and we had to take him to the hospital. The doctors said he was malnourished and dehydrated. They said he would need intensive care so that's where they put him.
The day we went to visit Charlie in intensive care we asked for Charlie at the front desk and the front desk said we should go into the doctor's office ourselves. When we got in there there were two doctors talking about Charlie's case except they were doing this in Spanish.
I think one of the doctors said someone named Maria Conchita took sandwiches and coleslaw from the hospital. Why I think this is he said the word sangre which I think is Spanish for sandwiches and coleslaw. The doctor who said this was called Doctor Sixto. There was a younger doctor to his right who called him Doctor Sixto whenever they said something to each other. This other doctor was an idiot because he had nothing else to say for himself other than yes Doctor Sixto or no Doctor Sixto.
This is when Mother asked about Charlie. She said where is Charlie and what is wrong with him like that.
Doctor Sixto crossed his legs and the idiot doctor to his right handed him a cigar. Above the two of them on the wall was a picture of a young woman. Her hands were folded under her chin and she was looking down so that you couldn't see her eyes.
This is the kind of picture the doctors here show me and then ask what I think about it. They want to know who I think the young woman is. They want to know her name how old she is where she lives does she have any brothers and sisters and why she is looking down.
So I say her name is Maria Conchita she is sixteen years old she lives in Alaska she has a brother named Charlie and she is looking down because Mother is yelling at her with a ladle so what do you expect.
At the hospital Doctor Sixto ran the cigar under his nose and this is when Mother said this is too much. I think I said I couldn't agree more but I can't remember. I think Mother gave me too many pills that morning so it's hard to remember.
Otherwise the doctors here gave me too many pills this morning which amounts to the same thing.
Doctor Sixto had a thin gray mustache and was halfway bald and looked like an old bullfighter to me. It looked like he had been alive a long time almost from the advent of animals and people.
So again we told him we needed to find Charlie and that he was malnourished and dehydrated and in intensive care.
Instead of answering us Doctor Sixto said something in Spanish to the idiot doctor. He was holding the cigar in his hand but wasn't smoking it.
By this time Mother said she was going to contact her attorney which was a lie because she didn't have one then.
So we went back to the front desk and this time they told us where Charlie was. We took the elevator up to intensive care and it was real heartbreak once we got up there.
They had Charlie hooked up to three different tubes and a hose running into his mouth so he could breathe easy. Mother said look at what they did to your brother Charlie and I said I know. Mother said this is real heartbreak and I said who can argue.
This is when Mother said why don't you make yourself useful and go down to the cafeteria and get me cigarettes. She handed me a twenty dollar bill and said I should order myself a sandwich.
I rode the elevator down with two security guards and a nurse and I asked them where the cafeteria was and they all told me it was on the first floor to the right.
These security guards were handsome in their uniforms and said it was on the first floor to the right with authority.
What happened next was I ordered myself a sandwich and sat down in the cafeteria next to a woman drinking coffee. There was nowhere else to sit and I didn't want to eat my sandwich standing up so this is what I had to do. I also didn't want to eat it in front of Charlie because of how malnourished he was.
You know how jealous he gets.
I opened my sandwich from the wrapper and the woman next to me said the doctors can't tell me why my husband died.
I said I'll get Mother for you she's upstairs.
Then she said I think it's because they killed him and don't want me to sue.
I told her Charlie was upstairs in intensive care and had tubes eating and breathing for him. I told her Mother is in his room right now waiting for me to bring her cigarettes.
She said I should've asked questions is what I think.
Then she said the lawyers were pleased to tell me about the house though. They aren't worried about litigation like the doctors. Otherwise they are the exact same people.
I said really but what I wanted to do was take my sandwich and leave. I didn't want to go back up to intensive care but I had nowhere else to go. What I wanted to say to this lady was I'm fine which means please stop talking.
But Mother said I wasn't allowed to be rude so I had no choice.
The woman said the doctors who killed my husband are the lawyers who told me about the house. There are three of them all with the same parts in their hair and the same bifocals.
I told her Charlie has to wear glasses when he reads which was another lie.
This is when she said I think I accused them of moonlighting though sometimes when I remember it I accused them of gaslighting.
I told her I'm not sure there is a difference.
She said they looked at me funny both times which is something I'm used to since my husband died. When they were lawyers they wanted to hand me papers have me sign the papers and get me out of the office without touching anything. People are like that around a newly widowed widow.
She said it's like you're contagious.
She said you see people holding their breath.
I told her I didn't think Charlie was contagious but you can't be too careful regardless.
She said my husband never told me he owned another house.
I said I bet that isn't the only thing he never told you.
She said you're sweet.
She said you remind me of my nephew.
She said he's dead now too.
I said what's your nephew's name and she answered by saying the house my husband left me isn't what you'd think of when you think of husbands leaving wives houses.
I said what's it like then.
She said at the end of a private dirt road with trees and bushes lining both sides is a musty bungalow. There are two wings to the bungalow on opposite sides of the kitchen. There is no furniture in any of the rooms and no appliances in the kitchen. That first day I examined each room looking for signs of life. Other than a team of spiders and other insects I don't think anyone has ever lived there.
I said it sounds a lot like our house except we have a black and white television in the living room.
She said what happened to Charlie why is he upstairs in intensive care.
I said he forgot to keep his left up again.
She said I've decided not to live in this house.
I said you can stay with us if Mother says it's okay.
She said it didn't take me long to come to this decision. I didn't have to consult anyone and I don't have to answer to anyone either. I did consider burning the house to the ground but I don't know how to go about that sort of thing.