The way Charlie did this soliloquy would make your head come off its shoulders. He flailed his arms up and down and spittle flew from his mouth in every direction. He contorted his face and moved his eyebrows up and down without stopping. The trouble was Charlie couldn't keep his hands or his head from shaking so you spent a lot of time watching him shake instead of watching him act but he delivered the speech perfectly each time regardless.
Charlie himself was a great actor I thought if not for all the shaking.
I didn't know what the soliloquy was about and neither did Charlie. I know this because I asked him what the soliloquy was about and he asked me what I thought it was about. When I told him I didn't know he said he didn't either. He said that doesn't mean it wasn't great though.
I asked him how he memorized the entire speech like that and he said it was because he meditated.
Charlie said lots of boxers turn to acting when their careers are over and almost all of them meditate.
It's hard to know if Charlie was a better boxer or actor. As a boxer Charlie had a good jab and a short right that could knock anyone's head off. Charlie's combinations were dangerous which is why no one wanted to stand toe to toe with him. Other boxers would dance around and try to stay away from Charlie for as long as possible. They'd wait for Charlie to get impatient and switch back to southpaw which he almost always did. He was the same way with meditating. He said he should meditate for two hours every day but he never lasted that long. After thirty minutes he'd get up and find something else to do.
So what would happen is Charlie would go on the offensive and leave himself wide open. As his trainer I was outside the ropes yelling and screaming at him to keep his left up but he wouldn't listen. He'd try some combination and the other boxer would counter with a short right of his own and it was crying time again. Charlie would be on the canvas and the referee would count one two three four and I knew Charlie wasn't getting up for the look on his eye. Charlie looked the way he probably looked when he woke up screaming in the middle of the night because he thought he was dead. So the referee counts one two three four and I say please get up Charlie get up Charlie get up but Charlie doesn't listen and the referee reaches ten and I climb inside the ring to wake Charlie up. I smack him his face once or twice and squirt water all over him. This is when Charlie wakes up and I tell him it's okay that he tried his best and that next time he should keep his goddamned left up.
Should the phone ring I might ignore it altogether. If it's Charlie then he'd probably understand and if it isn't Charlie then it's none of my business.
If Charlie kept his left up who knows what would've happened to all of us.
Should the phone ring and it's people on the other end I will say hello people and then I will say you have to have ambition people and that if you were a gorilla would you still be lazy after breakfast like Charlie.
Should the phone ring it might be Charlie on the other end because the last time he called he said he had to go and would call me right back.
Once when Charlie called he said he had several appointments and would be in the area.
I didn't believe him so I said what kind of appointments Charlie.
Charlie said he would try to stop by but not that I should wait around for him if I had something to do I should do it and we would catch up with each other later.
I said what the hell are you talking about Charlie. Then I said do you even know the area Charlie.
Charlie said there were some things he wanted to discuss but it wasn't something I should alter my routine over.
This is when I said to myself this isn't the Charlie I know. The Charlie I know is a fanatic and he doesn't talk like this but I thought I should play along anyway.
I said to myself Charlie never should've become a boxer.
So I told Charlie I didn't need to see him but if he needed to see me I would be drawing stick figures on the floor most of the day.
Then Charlie asked if I get bored drawing.
I was about to say I don't know when Charlie said some of his appointments might run long.
Charlie said he had to visit an Indian couple that didn't speak English.
I said he smoke'm peacepipe Charlie.
Charlie said goodbye by saying they always give Indians to the new guys and hanging up.
This is why you never know with Charlie.
You never know what he's going to say or do next but this is always what's made Charlie Charlie especially after the boxing.
It's when people use words they shouldn't is when we get in trouble with ourselves. One caller asked me for an allocution once before I was even finished with the hello how are you and I had to hang up in his face. I didn't know who this caller was and no one had told me to expect a call like this. I probably had to read allocution when I did the As but I can't remember what it means. This is when Mother would say I should make myself useful which meant to leave her the hell alone.
Allocution is a word no one should use over the phone intruders especially.
The caller's voice was deep and gruff and sounded a little like Charlie's. Charlie has had this kind of voice for as long as I've known him.
We used to sing songs during commercials and try to harmonize but I was always the better singer which made Charlie jealous. Charlie always wanted to sing lead because he didn't know how to sing harmony. He said he didn't have the ear for harmony but I never believed him. He wanted to sing lead because it's the lead singer who gets all the glory. No one pays attention to the people singing harmony. In this way Charlie is like most people.
Anyone who isn't tone deaf can sing harmony.
The Charlie like most people isn't the same person as Charlie Robertson the hypothetical actor. How you can tell them apart is Charlie is real and the hypothetical actor isn't.
When we were kids I would call different kinds of people Charlie. Cops were Charlie Pork Chops or Charlie Nightsticks or Charlie Hambones. The ice cream man was Charlie Popsicle or Charlie Sundae and dogs were Charlie Canines or Charlie Fleabags. I never had a Charlie name for MPs or security guards. I don't think I knew about MPs or security guards when I called everyone else Charlie.
Charlie didn't like it when I'd call these other people Charlie which is probably why I did it all the time.
Should the phone ring and it's Charlie I would know right off from the sound of his voice. Charlie is a baritone which proves my point. Baritones are never lead singers. Sure there are exceptions but not when it comes to Charlie and not when there's a tenor like me standing right beside him. This is how people tell us apart over the phone. There's no mistaking Charlie and me this way.
Should the phone ring it might be the smooth sounds of Charlie's silky tooth baritone.
That's how radio people would describe Charlie's voice.
When Mother called the house from work she knew right away which one of us had picked up by the sound of our voices. Whenever I picked up the phone she wouldn't say the hello how are you at all. She would say put Charlie on the phone like she had nothing to say to me herself. Once I asked Charlie why Mother wouldn't talk to me on the phone and he said what do you expect.