Instead of sleeping in a barn and chopping cotton all day I sleep in here and masturbate.
What happened was one night after I finished masturbating the doctor came in to give me my pills like always but instead of making the pill circle or square disappear I tricked him instead. How I did this was I hid the pills under my tongue instead of swallowing them. I had done this with Mother once or twice so I knew what I was doing. It always worked because I'd swallow the water and said ah right afterwards like always.
Then I pretended to fall asleep and waited for the doctor to get up and leave. Sometimes the doctor waits for me to fall asleep but not the same as Mother did. For instance I don't have to lay still and twitch myself to get him to leave like I had to with Mother.
How he waits for me to fall asleep is he sits himself in the corner and reads the newspaper while I am pretending to fall asleep.
So after all this happened and he finally left I escaped through the tunnel under my bed.
I'd been digging this tunnel from the first night they put me in here. What I'd do is whenever I knew they weren't watching me masturbate I would secretly dig the tunnel.
The trick was hiding all the dirt from the tunnel but I knew how to do this because Charlie and I would watch prison movies whenever there wasn't anything else on. Our favorite was one where a bunch of prisoners dug three tunnels and escaped right in front of all the SS officers. These SS officers were like most MPs or security guards patrolling up and down except in this case they patrolled for prisoners escaping rather than intruders as no one would intrude on a prison camp I don't think.
So like those prisoners I hid the dirt on the floor and would mix it in with the dirt already there. The floors here are especially dirty so these idiot doctors never seemed to notice.
I don't think the African guinea man on television had to dig a tunnel to escape. That is how you can tell us apart. I think he found a rock so he could saw off the shackles they put on him and had to drag around all the time. I think he sawed and sawed for two years before he could do this and it was the same way with me and the tunnel. It took me years to dig the tunnel but what else was there to do other than dig and masturbate all the time.
Although neither of us had a calendar so you don't know for sure.
They based the television guinea man on me and everyone knows it.
All they did was change a few details because that's what you have to do to make it educational.
The trouble was I didn't get too far once I got out of the tunnel. I was trying to find my way back to the kamby bolongo but I got lost instead. I didn't know which direction to run in and I didn't have Charlie to run along with me so after a while I got tired and why bother.
This is when the slave catchers caught me and tied me to the tree. They said we have vays of making you talk and I told them everything they wanted to know which didn't seem to make a difference.
I didn't like it when they chopped my foot off for me but we all have to make sacrifices.
Should the phone ring I will let it ring and ring and ring. I will disconnect the machine from the phone so that it won't answer. There won't be any voice that says to leave a name and number and a brief message and there won't be a long beep with nothing on the other side of it. Whoever it is that calls will wonder why the machine doesn't pick up. They might wonder if there's something wrong with me if I've done something to myself.
The last time I did something to myself the phone rang and rang and I think it may've been Charlie who was probably worried about me doing something to myself which is probably why he called in the first place.
Charlie and I would swim up and down the kamby bolongo instead of going to school. I was always the better swimmer which made Charlie jealous. It was hard for Charlie to swim because of how his head and hands shook so I'd have to save him from drowning all the time. I'd be doing laps up and down the kamby bolongo and would look behind me to find Charlie and he'd be gone. This is when I'd have to dive under to find him at the bottom and pull him up. I'd drag him to the shore and pound on his chest so that he'd cough up all the water he swallowed. It was a lot like how I'd go into the ring after some boxer knocked him out because he forgot to keep his portside up.
Should the phone ring I will answer it and start singing songs into the receiver and I won't stop singing until I fall over from glee.
We would always bring the dog to the kamby bolongo because if we left him in the house he'd probably die from the no air conditioning. I would hold the dog's leash while Charlie jogged and pulled the two of us along. Charlie was still a good jogger despite all the horrible shit that happened to him. When we'd get to the bolongo I'd play with the dog for a while though sometimes the dog was afraid of the water like Charlie was. I would throw a stick into the water and the dog would look at me instead of fetching it himself. The way he looked at me was why did you throw that stick into the bolongo if you wanted me to bring it right back to you.
This is how I am with the doctor in his white coat and clipboard. I play his games and they tell me I am doing fine and I ask about the air conditioning or a clarification of the rules and he looks at me like Charlie just drowned in the kamby bolongo and it was my fault.
Sometimes I call the doctor massa because what's the difference.
Every time Charlie drowned in the kamby bolongo I'd drag him to shore and punch his lights out so he'd cough up all the river water he swallowed. Afterwards he'd thank me and we'd go for ice cream so it was never something to worry about.
The ice cream truck was on the other side of the kamby bolongo so we'd have to cross it every time. Charlie would be scared like when he had to fight an especially tough boxer and I'd call him a chickenshit palooka. This is when Charlie would get angry with me and start pummeling me in the stomach so I'd know he was ready to go out and fight only in this case it was cross the bolongo and not drown.
What happened was I found a shallow place to cross the bolongo so Charlie wouldn't drown and everything was fine.
We ate ice cream every night for dinner instead of sandwiches and coleslaw when Mother was gone. I remember us talking about Mother and where she might be.
I said to Charlie where do you think Mother is Charlie.
Charlie said I don't know.
Do you think she is coming back I said to Charlie.
Charlie said I don't know.
I said to Charlie do you think she wants to come back at least.
Again Charlie said I don't know.
Finally I said do you think maybe we should go look for her and you know what Charlie said to that so why bother.
This is when I said to Charlie don't you know anything Charlie.
Then I said what the fuck is wrong with you Charlie.
Then I would tell Charlie to make himself useful and get us more ice cream.
There are two ways to do something to yourself if you want to. The first takes about a week to do properly but it's the least bother by far.
The first thing you have to do is not take the pills when the doctor gives them to you. What happens is the doctor makes a pill circle or square on his hand. This is what he always does and you can't blame doctors for being doctors anymore than you can blame dogs for being dogs because they can't help it either. If Mother taught me anything this is what she taught me.
So you take each pill off his hand one at a time and place it under your tongue. The trick is instead of swallowing the pill you swallow only the water leaving the pill under your tongue. It helps if you say ah like you always do this way the doctor won't get suspicious. After you do this with every pill in the circle or square you wait for the doctor to leave. Maybe you have to twitch yourself once or twice or maybe you don't it doesn't matter. Once he's gone you take the pills from under your tongue and hide them under your pillow.