Only once or twice did they take a uniform from me and not give me a replacement. They left me naked for two or three days each time.
There was nothing to distract myself from myself those days and they knew it.
I asked them what am I supposed to do now and they said it's one less thing to worry about.
If I had a list of things to worry about the phone ringing and how to conduct myself over it would be at the top. After that it's the air conditioning and then the uniforms.
They tell me I look nice in my uniform whenever they bring me a new one and who can argue with them.
I'm sure MPs and security guards have different versions of the same uniform too. I'm sure they don't have only one uniform to wear every day on patrol. They are probably washing one while wearing the other like everyone else does.
I don't think I myself have ever worked as an MP or security guard. I don't think I myself have ever worked. I think I may have wanted to once but was not allowed for one reason or another.
Why I will ask people to identify themselves is because sometimes I have callers ask for people who aren't here. I don't know why callers think those people are here when I am the only one who is ever here. I am here all the time and there is never anyone here with me. As far as I know I am the only one who has ever been here.
There was no here before me is another way of saying it.
Here is the sort of place that should have a military policeman or security guard standing outside the door. They should patrol up and down for intruders.
Here is a room with four walls and one window. The window does not look out into the real world like most windows. There are no trees or birds out the window and there's no grass or sunlight either. Worst of all there is no river out the window.
This window is like a mirror and this is how they watch me. They are on the other side of the window keeping an eye on me for my own good.
I cannot see them watching me which is probably another good thing.
Otherwise I would spend my whole day watching them watch me.
I have a comfortable bed here with three pillows. I use one pillow for my head another for between my legs and the last one to wrap my arms around.
Intruders can be anyone so the MPs or security guards would have to be vigilant. Doctors in their white coats and clipboards are intruders the same as a burglar would be. Even Charlie and Mother would look like intruders to an MP or security guard. This is why you need MPs and security guards patrolling up and down outside your door at all times. They protect you from every sort of intruder.
Should the phone ring it might be an intruder on the other end.
Calling someone on the phone is an intrusion though most callers don't think of it this way. Most callers go right into the hello how are you and never once apologize for intruding. This is why whenever I make a call I say right off that I am sorry for intruding and then I beg forgiveness. Only then will I say the hello how are you I'm fine I have a headache I didn't sleep last night.
I only apologize for intruding when a person answers the phone themselves as opposed to the machine doing it for them. I would apologize to the machine but the machine is never sorry for the intrusion. The machine welcomes all intruders equally. The machine looks forward to all intruders and does not pass judgment on any of them. This is another reason machines are the best things going.
The machine would never have you beg forgiveness either.
Should the phone ring it might be Charlie on the other end.
More than likely though it will not be Charlie on the other end because Charlie does not like to intrude on people.
Sometimes uniforms come with hats or helmets but just as often not. Hats and helmets aren't necessary for any uniform to look good but they can help. If there were MPs or security guards patrolling outside my door they wouldn't themselves need hats or helmets.
I didn't like wearing my baseball hat but they said I couldn't play without it. They said it was part of being on the team. I didn't like the way my hat made my hair look and I wouldn't have liked the way it looked whether I was on a team or not. I had curly hair when I played baseball but now I am bald like a baby's bottom like an eagle.
I remember when Charlie and I wanted to go to a private school because of the uniforms. They also had a boxing team which is another reason Charlie wanted to go there. I didn't care so much about the boxing team because why bother but Charlie did and that was fine with me. We saw these uniforms around the neighborhood and found out which private school had them but when we asked Mother about it she said we all had to make sacrifices so the answer was no.
Why we also wanted to go to this private school was because of the security guards. This private school had security guards at both entrances and Charlie and I would test them whenever we could. We'd climb over the fence and walk into the school like we were regular students but the guards always stopped us and chased us away.
Because we didn't have uniforms made it easy for them to spot us.
Instead we would go to our public school in our regular clothes which didn't look anything like uniforms. What we'd wear is blue jeans and t-shirts but I always had to wear Charlie's old blue jeans and t-shirts because he was older and Mother couldn't afford my own jeans and t-shirts. She didn't have to tell me about sacrifices this time because I wasn't as dumb as I looked back then.
That was something Mother would say to both me and Charlie all the time. Whenever one of us would do something right around the house like clean up the kitchen or make our beds Mother would thank us by saying you're not as dumb as you look.
After school we'd come home and do our homework at the kitchen table. I always needed help with my homework and it was math especially. I had trouble with fractions and square roots which were two more words I didn't know what they had to do with each other.
I would be in class and the teacher would ask us what the square root of some number was and while all the students were scribbling the answers I would think about the word square for a few minutes and how that square was a perfect shape like a circle which is why Mother would make pill circles and squares and I was always happy to make them disappear for her.
So whenever the teacher walked by my desk and saw my blank paper she would punish me with her stick. Then she'd ask me why I didn't do the problem and I said I didn't know. She would say how can you not know why you didn't do the problem and I would answer by saying I don't know that either. This is when she'd punish me with her stick again and send me home.
Charlie needed help with his homework too but Mother wasn't home to help us and by the time she did get home she was tired of making sacrifices.
I don't like disappointing callers so sometimes I pretend to be the person they are trying to call. This is what separates me from most callers. I figure it's the least I can do for the people who call me.
This is the kind of thing Charlie himself would do too. When we were kids we'd pretend to be all kinds of people. For two whole summers Charlie pretended to be a boxer and I pretended to be his trainer. Every morning we'd wake up while it was still dark out and go jogging. I think Mother was still asleep in her room when we did this otherwise she probably wouldn't have allowed it. If Mother knew we were doing this she'd probably think I might get hurt and die from it.
Charlie would do the jogging and I'd hold onto the rope we tied around him and follow behind on a skateboard. It was like Charlie was a horse and I was a buggy which is something we never pretended to be. Charlie didn't like animals growing up which meant I wasn't allowed to like them either. But we saw some boxer and trainer do this horse and buggy maneuver in a movie one time so we thought we could do it too. We'd jog all the way to the ice cream truck on the other side of town and back. What we wouldn't do is buy a Popsicle or ice cream cone because we were in training. Sometimes Mother would give us money for the ice cream truck but most times she would say we all had to make sacrifices when we asked her about money for the ice cream truck.