Should the phone ring and it's Mother on the other end I am always polite these days.
Yes I am wearing a uniform is both polite and an act of kindness.
A caller calling on the phone and talking words I understand and not hanging up is an act of kindness.
How a caller can do this is to say one word at a time very slowly. So if they want to ask how I am feeling they should say how and then wait a minute or two so I can think about the word how. How is what the Indians on TV would say to each other as a way of saying hello. They would ride up on their horses and then raise their right arm in the air like someone swearing to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help them God does when they take the stand in a trial by jury. An Indian would never say the hello how are you because for him hello and how mean the same thing. Indians aren't stupid like that because they're Indians. This is something Mother would say to us because whenever Charlie and I would see an Indian on TV we'd always turn to each other and say How and then one or the other of us would say he smoke'm peace pipe how. She would tell us not to make fun of the Indians which isn't what we were doing I don't think. This is when she said Indians aren't stupid like that because they're Indians. She also said that Indians couldn't help being Indians themselves and we shouldn't blame them for it.
Sometimes Charlie and I didn't understand Mother so we didn't know what she wanted us to do half the time. We would look at the floor and nod up and down until she was finished talking.
Charlie and I never pretended to be Indians the way we pretended to be boxers which is something Mother wouldn't have wanted us doing had she known about it. So I would need enough time to think about all this before the caller moved on to the next word in how are you feeling. Then I would need a few minutes to think about are which would make me think of the letter R and how Mother would make us read all the R words in the dictionary and then test us on them. That's all the time I'd need with are which is why it would be hard for callers to know how much time to give me for each word. Some words you need more time with than others.
So yes I am wearing a uniform is an act of kindness the same as a caller talking words so I can understand them. These are two things Charlie would do if he had the sense to do them.
Calling someone on the phone can be an act of kindness but it rarely happens that way. Most calls are cruel and unusual like the callers who say the hello how are you and then go right into who they're cutting or when they try to sell you something you don't need like a newspaper.
Why do callers think I would want to read a newspaper every day because what's in a newspaper that has anything to do with me here.
The trouble with Charlie is he hasn't been the same since the boxing. I think all that boxing turned him into a cruel and unusual person.
The last time I saw Charlie he spoke like he had been given too many pills. I never saw Mother give Charlie his pills so I don't know if she made pill circle or squares for him every day. I don't know if she kissed his forehead or tucked him in goodnight the same way either.
Charlie's bedroom was on the other side of the house so I don't know what went on over there other than when we used to box together.
The last time I saw Charlie his hands were shaking and he couldn't keep his head still.
I remember when we all took Charlie to the doctor that one summer. This was before his hands started shaking or his not being able to keep his head still but it was probably the start of it all.
What happened was we found this boxer Charlie could spar with on one of our morning jogs. I saw him pummeling a football player at the field we always jogged past and thought we should go talk to him.
So we had this fellow come over twice a week to spar with Charlie in Mother's room and everything was fine for a while.
I would have Charlie start off with some jabs and combinations and I would tell him to watch his footwork. The trouble is Charlie would sometimes forget he was supposed to fight right handed and switch his stance to southpaw.
Charlie was born left handed but you can't expect to box and be left handed at the same time so we trained Charlie to box as a righty or what we call conventional in the business.
Too many times Charlie would look down at his feet and this fellow would catch Charlie with a vicious uppercut and so we had to take Charlie to the doctor.
The doctor wired Charlie's jaw shut for him and he had to stay like that for a month.
So there was Charlie with his jaw wired shut and he had to drink all of his food through a straw like an idiot.
This is when we'd go to the ice cream truck every day because Charlie couldn't eat Mother's sandwiches and coleslaw. Mother tried to put the coleslaw in a blender for him but what happened was Charlie didn't like coleslaw that way.
Mother would tell him I don't need this kind of aggravation.
She would tell me the same thing whenever I needed powder for the chafed parts.
Whenever I needed powder for the chafed parts Mother would bring it to me in my room like she did with my pills. Sometimes she would put it on herself but when I got older she let me do it.
That's because I was getting too old for Mother to be poking around down there.
Always Mother had me hold my situation so she could get to the chafed parts. She would say hold your situation so I can get to the chafed parts like that.
Once part of my situation slipped from my hold and Mother said I don't need this kind of aggravation.
The next time it happened she said no one wants to see that.
I didn't forget about the you in how are you but when I think too much about one word and then another I sometimes decide I've had enough of the words and will listen only to the voice from then on. The words aren't as important as the voice and when you listen only to the voice you don't have to think about the words themselves. You can listen to what comes between the words and behind them.
Should the phone ring there will be a caller on the other end though it probably won't be Charlie. Sometimes I ask the callers why they aren't Charlie. I'll say why aren't you Charlie like that and this is when they usually hang up.
It is probably not anyone's fault that they are not Charlie.
What bothers me is they never apologize for intruding and they never apologize for not being Charlie. And none of them ever try pretending to be Charlie. How one of them could do this is to sound cruel and unusual by talking all slowly and mumbly.
I can pretend several accents in several registers myself but what I can't do is actually become the person I am pretending to be the way an actor like Charlie Robertson does. This is because I've no idea who it is I'm pretending to be. I don't know the good or the bad or what that person eats for breakfast every day. This is one reason I am not a professional actor and why callers usually hang up before it goes too far. Some of them get upset with me but who made the mistake in the first place is what I have to say.
Actors are killers just as cigarettes are killers just as drugs are killers just as drunk drivers are killers just as doctors are killers. Doctors are probably the worst killers of all these different kinds of killers.
Charlie would say the same thing if he was here right now. That Charlie isn't here right now is his own fault but I am not angry with him about that. I remember Mother telling me not to be angry with Charlie because he can't help being the way he is. I wanted to ask Mother if I could help being the way I was or if she could help either but I decided against it. Mother didn't like it when you asked her too many questions.
She would say I am not on trial here whenever we asked her questions.
Charlie probably doesn't know that I am the only one here and the only one that has ever been here.