Charlie doesn't know about here.
Here the four walls are painted white and everything else is blue. The bed in here is blue and so are the table and chairs. The blankets are also blue and what's good is it's the same shade of blue as some of my pills.
Here there is a bathroom on the other side of the mirror.
What happens is I have to knock on the mirror whenever I have to use the bathroom which is quite a lot.
I have always had to use the bathroom quite a lot and this always worried Mother especially. She would hear me in the bathroom and ask if I was okay in there. She would say are you okay in there like that and I would say this isn't a good time Mother.
Why I can do several accents in several registers is because I have the ear for it. Mother would tell all kinds of people I had a great ear. She said it was a gift. All the people would look at me and smile and say I was so gifted and then Mother would have me perform for the people. I would do something like pretend to be Joseph Goebbels having his way with Mamie Eisenhower and the people would laugh. Then I would dance a jig because I was a good dancer too Mother said. Then Mother would clap for me and say to everyone doesn't he have a great ear.
I remember not knowing what she meant when she told people this. I didn't know which ear was great and which one wasn't. I would stare into the bathroom mirror for hours until Charlie pounded on the door and ordered me out.
This is another thing Charlie and I did when we were kids. I'd pretend to be an SS officer and he would be my prisoner because Charlie liked the way I could say we have vays of making you talk.
An SS officer is not the same as an MP or security guard but it was close enough for Charlie.
Mother taught Charlie and I how to dance jigs all over the living room floor one summer. Every night when she'd get home from work we'd dance jigs like this. I was always the best dancer which made both Charlie and Mother jealous.
Should the phone ring there will be someone on the other end talking words. It is often words on the other end though the voices change. It is easier when I know the words when I can say the hello how are you and they ask the same right back. I'm fine I have a headache I didn't sleep last night are all good answers and I try to alternate between those three.
Sometimes I will admit to something else but only if the person on the other end wants to hear it. Almost no one wants to hear it which is why I almost never admit to something else.
Last night the phone rang and it was words on the other end.
I went first and I said the hello how are you like I always do.
I'm fine today and how are you is what came back.
I have a headache I didn't sleep last night is what I said to that.
I'm sorry to hear that Johnny is what the caller said to me next.
This is when I said what did you say to me.
I'm sorry to hear you aren't feeling well today Johnny.
Why are you calling me Johnny.
Why shouldn't I call you Johnny Johnny.
This is when I said who the fuck is Johnny Johnny.
What did we say about swearing Johnny.
We didn't say anything about swearing Johnny.
We most certainly did Johnny.
I don't think we did Johnny because I don't think we've ever spoken before Johnny.
I'm disappointed to hear you say that Johnny.
This is when I hung up in their faces.
I don't know who this caller was or why they called me in the first place or why they kept calling me Johnny. I think it was a wrong number but it almost always is a wrong number when the phone rings.
After a minute or two I decided to concentrate on the voice and leave the words alone. It is always better to listen to the voice instead of the words.
I didn't recognize the voice which is why I think it was a wrong number. Maybe the voice sounded a little like Mother's but only because I think the voice belonged to a woman. The voice sounded like a soprano singing an aria to me. I always like to talk to women because women have nicer voices especially if they are sopranos.
What I never do is pretend some other woman is Mother though.
I don't think it was Mother last night either. I haven't seen Mother for so long now and I don't think she knows I'm here.
Sometimes people call here looking for Charlie. They don't know that Charlie has never been here and that I'm the only one who ever has.
Another thing about here that is cruel and unusual is they won't let me have a television to watch.
I've decided not to ask about a television yet because I'm waiting for them to bring me an air conditioner first. Once they bring me an air conditioner then it's time to talk about a television.
We always had that one television in the living room growing up. The television itself had rabbit ear antennas and was black and white instead of color. I would tell Charlie that we were the only people in the world that still had a black and white television and he would say you know Mother as well as me and of course he was right.
Charlie and I would sometimes fight about what we wanted to watch but because he was older and responsible it was always his decision.
This is when I asked Mother if I could have my own television.
Charlie decided we should watch yet another boxing match and by this time I was sick of the boxing. I told him I would tell Mother what he did to her bracelets unless he changed the channel. When that didn't work I told Charlie he was no good as a boxer and he should take up baseball instead. I told him I wouldn't train him anymore and what was he going to do without a trainer.
Mother was making us sandwiches and coleslaw in the kitchen while we were in the living room so I thought it was a good time to ask.
The living room had the sofa where we would all sit down to watch the television and the television itself. There was a stand for the television and two fake plants on either side of it. Mother couldn't keep real plants alive and she could never count on us to help her either.
Once she gave us hell for allowing one of the real plants to die. She had told us it was our responsibility to water the plant and move it in and out of the sunlight. The trouble is we forgot to do this and Mother came home to find the plant dead and us on the sofa watching television like nothing happened.
She said what did I say to you two.
She said I come home from working all day like a dog and this is what I find.
She said I find the plant dead and you two on the sofa watching television like nothing happened.
She said I told you you were responsible.
She was swinging her ladle around while she said this. This was something Mother liked to do a lot. She loved that ladle and loved to swing it around when she yelled at us.
She kept the ladle hanging in the kitchen so it was never far away.
Whenever Mother yelled at us Charlie and I agreed with her by turning off the television and sitting back down on the sofa.
She punished us that night by having us read two hundred pages of the dictionary each and thank God she forgot to test us by the time we finished.
This is when I told Mother I might try to rewrite the dictionary when I get a chance.
There are a lot of words in there I don't like the definitions for is what I told her.
The kitchen itself was next to the living room but you could only see the television from the kitchen if you were at the table. The rest of the kitchen had a wall that made it impossible to see the television from anywhere inside it.
This is where the sink and counter was and this is where Mother would make us our sandwiches and coleslaw.