I wouldn't.
“He is so happy about movin' into the new house and to be movin' forward with our relationship... I don't want to ruin that for him.”
Aideen furrowed her eyebrows at me when I looked back up at her and locked onto her concerned gaze. “If you don't level with him, eventually there won't be a relationship left to ruin,” she said, her voice stern.
I was motionless as I sat before Aideen and stared at her with unblinking eyes.
“I don't mean to be harsh,” she started. “But how long do you think it will be before you start to resent Alec for leadin' your life for you?”
I didn't speak, I just sat on the floor and stared.
“You're an independent woman, Kay, and you like being one. I love Alec, I do, but if he doesn't stop decidin' everythin' for the both of you he will lose you.”
I was surprised when my eyes welled up and hot tears fell from my eyes and splashed onto my cheeks when I blinked. I quickly reached up and wiped the tears away, but it was too late, Aideen saw and was on the floor in front of me reaching her arms out and comforting me with a hug.
“How long have you been feelin' like this?” she asked me.
I wrapped my arms around her waist and dropped my head to her shoulder. “A good while,” I admitted.
Aideen sighed as she swayed us from side to side for a few moments.
“I'm havin' nightmares too,” I whispered.
Aideen froze, then after a moment she pulled back from me and stared at me with sad eyes.
She swallowed. “What are they about?”
I sniffled, “Everythin'. Darkness. The Bahamas. Storm gettin' hurt. Just... everythin'.”
I burst into an uncontrollable sob and it must have shocked Aideen who flinched. She regained her composure and quickly pulled me back into a hug. She swayed and hushed me until my sobs became mere sniffles and my eyes ran dry.
“You need to talk to someone, Kay,” Aideen whispered.
I gripped onto her tightly. “I am. I'm talkin' to you.”
Aideen sighed and gave me a tight squeeze.
She said nothing further and I was grateful for it because if she said anything else there was a strong chance I would have gone into detail and told her everything that was going on inside my head. I couldn't let that happen, no good would come from releasing those demons.
It had been thirteen months since I left Darkness and all those horrible people behind me, and as far as anyone could tell I was fine. I appeared fine because I had myself in check, but Aideen saw a glimpse of how fucked up I really was about my past. Now that she knew I had nightmares she would push it until I told her everything. It was bad enough I told her about Alec because now she wouldn't rest until I spoke to him about how I was feeling.
“I'm fine,” I said and cleared my throat.
I forced myself to breathe so I would calm down and stop sniffling, and when the tears stopped I pulled back from Aideen and gave her a small smile. I could tell she wasn't buying it though.
“I'm pissed that you have been strugglin' with this for awhile and you're only now tellin' me what's wrong. Your mental health is important, unload everythin' onto me if it'll make you feel better,” she pressed.
I waved her off. “We can talk soon, I promise... I just want today to go by without thinkin' about all the crap that’s built up in me head. Okay?”
Aideen wasn't happy but she nodded her head anyway.
“Thank you,” I said and gripped onto her hands.
She gave my hand a squeeze then said, “Wait, you're cool with gettin' married still though, right?”
I remained silent and Aideen gasped.
“You aren't?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I don't know.”
“Are you gettin' cold feet?”
“No, I'm just sayin' that marriage could be different than datin'. I mean who is to know what could happen? Disney never did a follow up on Cinderella—like, what happened after the shoe fit? Did they get on? Did they get divorced? We'll never know.”
“Keela... are you really worried your future marriage to Alec could go south because you don't know how Cinderella and her lad ended up after they got married?”
Was I?
“I don't know,” I admitted.
“I do. They lived happily ever after, it says so in the end credits of the film.”
I rolled my eyes. “You're a very strange person.”
“Says the woman who just compared a Disney film to her future marriage.”
Oh God, she was right.
I groaned, “Maybe I'm losin' me mind.”
Aideen snorted, “You lost it long ago, sweetheart.”
I sat up and glared at Aideen. “You aren't helpin' me, you know?”
“I was just your shoulder to cry on, I've helped plenty.”
I laughed. “I need your help, not emotionally though. Physically.”
“You mean you didn't call me here to unload on me? Then why did you call me?” she asked.
I was grateful she was changing the topic.
“I need your help to start packin'. We're movin' today and I've done nothin'. Literally nothin',” I groaned. “I was writing so well the past two weeks that I put it off and now it's movin' day and we're aren't movin' ready.”
Aideen blinked her eyes. “You want me to pack?”
Did she listen to a single word I just said?
“Yes, I want you to help me pack!” I stated.
“Pack up your apartment? I thought you needed 'help',” Aideen said whilst using her fingers as air quotes around the word help.
“Why the air quotes?” I asked, bemused.
Aideen huffed and lowered her arms. “Because I thought you meant the alcohol kind of help, especially after what you just told me. I kind of assumed it would be the hard stuff kind of help.”
I stared at my best friend and for the billionth time wondered why I continued our weirder than weird friendship.
“Alcohol kind of help?”
“Yeah.” Aideen grinned. “You know, I help you get drunk.”
I shook my head.
How this fool was employed as an educator to children I would never know.
“It's half ten in the mornin'.”
Aideen shrugged. “It's five o'clock somewhere.”
“There's somethin' wrong with you.”
Aideen groaned. “Don't judge me, term started back on Monday and the kids are drivin' me insane already.”
I raised my eyebrows. “You teach second class kids, they're all cuties.”
Aideen growled, “Those eight year olds can be animals, do you hear me? Animals! I caught two boys forcin' another boy to eat fuckin' glue while givin' him a wedgie yesterday. They're evil, I'm tellin' you.”
I laughed. “Find a career that doesn't involve kids then.”
“No!” Aideen gasped. “The angels outweigh the devil spawn ten to one. Besides, I like imparting wisdom on the next generation.”
Wisdom. Ha.
Those poor kids were destined to jobs as strippers and drug dealers as long as they remained under Aideen's care.
“I know you're thinking something bitchy, so I'm gonna say fuck you before I forget.”
I snorted. “You're the strangest person I know.”
“You pronounced coolest wrong,” Aideen teased.
This girl!
I couldn't help but laugh. “Can you be serious?” I smiled. “I need you.”
Aideen exhaled loudly, “Fine, where do you want me?”
“Face down, arse up.” I smirked.
Aideen burst into laughter and seconds later a bark rang from my bedroom.
“It's nice to hear you too, you fat—”
“Aideen!” I cut her off.
Aideen laughed. “I wasn't goin' to say anythin' bad to him.”
Ha ha. Bullshit.
“Yeah,” I laughed, “and I'm Beyoncé.”
Aideen raised her eyebrow at me. “You don't have the arse to be Beyoncé.”
“Then I'll get some of Bronagh's arse—she has enough to spare.” I grinned.