I grinned, checking over my shoulder. Jo was in the living room with the television turned on.
“Cal, if I were going to throw away my freedom for a piece of vagina, it’d have to be yours. Shriveled up, smelly—”
“Shut up.” He laughed. “All right. I’ll check on all of this. I mean it, be smart. I know you want to protect this girl. It landed you in trouble, but sometimes, you have to do what’s in your best interest. She doesn’t have anyone hurting her this time.”
After saying good-bye, I waited outside. Jo was sitting on a side couch, so I could see her profile. She didn’t know where I was. She kept glancing toward the front hallway and then to the back hallway leading to the back elevator. She wasn’t guarded in this one instance. I absorbed every inch of her, as much as I could.
Cal was right. There was no Edmund hurting her.
Her current boyfriend, whomever he was to her, wasn’t violent. He came from an upper middle-class background. The worst secret he had was a cheating father, or so Cal’s report had told me. She wasn’t in danger from him or her roommate, the overzealous reporter.
I lied to Jo before. I knew who her roommate was long before I decided to interview with the school’s paper. I set everything in place. No matter what, Jo had to be taken care of.
And here we were.
I was the danger to her now.
I needed to decide what to do—or what not to do. If she stayed at my side, I wouldn’t be able to hold back from touching her. Then again, if I told her the truth about everything, that wouldn’t be a problem.
She’d want nothing to do with me.
Jake was concerned and Erica wanted to make sure everything was fine. Neither of them seemed suspicious, and Snark told me that I’d need to wear a shirt with my old name on it for people to put two and two together.
“Is everything okay?”
Kian appeared from some corner of the place. His phone was in his hand as he sat on the coffee table in front of me.
Fuck. I couldn’t look away from him. Those dark eyes of his could look right into me and know me. With everything about him, I wanted to be right where I was, with him. My mind was telling me to go. Discovery was not imminent—at least, not yet. I’d worked myself up. I’d panicked and bolted for him.
What was I doing?
My legs didn’t move. My arms didn’t move to push myself up from the couch. My feet weren’t going to walk me out of there. My ass stayed in place. I did not want to leave.
Oh, screw it.
I blurted out, “I’m attracted to you.”
His eyebrows shot up, and he leaned back. “Oh.” That was his reaction, that one word. That was it.
I held my breath. That’s it?
I blinked. “Um.” Backpedal. Retreat. Run. “I’m sorry.”
“No.” He shot forward, his hand held up, reaching between us. He looked at it. I looked at it, and it went back to his lap.
“Uh.” He shook his head, blinking a few times. The laughter started with one small chuckle. A second, and a third that was louder. He kept shaking his head before he looked up. He saw the non-laughter coming from me and sighed. “Sorry. I’m laughing at myself, not you. This is…” His hands clasped together on his lap. “I’m so controlled, and you’ve punched right through everything. There it is, and I’m here thinking how much I want to hold you, but I’m too scared to tell you.”
Wait.
He kept going, “Hearing those words, I’m…at a loss.”
Did he say…
“But this whole thing, with the media, it’s your life now that we’re looking at. My team will get me off. They’re going to argue that I should’ve never been convicted in the first place. It was self-defense—I mean, it was defense for you. That was proven. A dirty judge was the real reason I was convicted, and, yeah, maybe they’ll go the double-jeopardy route. I don’t know their angle, but I trust them. I won’t be convicted again, but, Jordan…”
He kept talking, but his voice became distant and low.
He wanted to hold me. That was what he just said. The warmth of those words began to spread through me. I had known it. I’d thought it, but to hear those words…and he was so close, but still sitting so far away.
He kept talking, something about his legal team’s agenda. His voice grew clear again, and he finished with a final resigned note, “I don’t want anything to happen that could hurt you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“What?”
I blurted it out again, “I’m attracted to you.”
“I know.”
My eyebrows shot up. That’s it? “You just told me you wanted to hold me. I mean, doesn’t that mean something?”
He grew wary, and his lips moved into a straight line. His hands tightened on to each other, as if he were holding himself back.
I didn’t understand any of this. “I don’t care about the legal aspects. I don’t care about the ramifications—”
“But you should,” he said so softly as he cut me off. He leaned forward again. “This is your life, Jordan. Your. Life. Yes, I am attracted to you. Yes, I want to hold you. Yes, I want to kiss you. Yes, I want to pick you up and carry you into that bedroom.”
My eyes got big. Every word he had said was spoken with conviction. My fingers curved into the bottom cushion of the couch. I wanted to jump into his arms. I was holding myself back. There was a but coming after he had said those beautiful words, and the emotions were building in my throat. Another lump was forming there.
He leaned even closer across the small gap between us. His eyes were peering right into mine as he said in a fierce whisper, “I want to protect you. I want to take care of you…”
I closed my eyes. It was coming.
“But…”
There it was.
“We have to think long and hard before we do anything.”
I was holding my breath. I knew there was more coming.
There was silence.
I peeked a look at him. He was staring at me, studying every inch of my face, and his gaze dropped down to my lips. He lingered there.
I licked them. His eyes jerked to mine, darkening in lust.
I wanted him. I didn’t give a damn about what else he said. “Kian.” I started to rise from the couch.
He murmured, his voice hoarse, “You don’t know what you’re asking for.”
“I do.”
This was why I kept coming back to him. I should’ve run as soon as he found me, but I went nowhere. I went to him. This was why I ignored Snark’s warnings. I wanted justification—no, I wanted excuses to go to him.
My fingers curled into my palms.
I didn’t even think I’d cared about the cab driver. Maybe a part of me wanted to be caught. It would be done. The running. The hiding. Everything. I wanted it all done, and if it meant I could be with Kian, so be it.
You’re an idiot, Jordan. An inner voice laughed at me.
I hushed her.
“I want you,” I said it again, scooting to the edge of my cushion.
“Jordan.” His head dropped low, but his eyes clung to mine.
His shoulders were tense, and he was fighting himself. I saw the struggle in him. His jaw clenched. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.
“I don’t care what happens.”
His eyes narrowed. “You should.”
I sucked in my breath and leaned across the last bit of space between us. I was right there, right in front of him. One small inch and his finger would be resting against mine. The heat radiated off him. His eyes were glued to mine, fierce, as they seemed to be daring me to touch him. But his hands never lifted. He didn’t lean toward me. He held himself still, just watching me.