Kian lifted a shoulder. “I could’ve gone to her house. It was across the street from Jordan’s house. It would have been a good enough excuse for why I was at Jordan’s house.”
“The other girl didn’t actually know you were coming?”
“Someone called her later, told her that I’d been planning on going to her house. She was told what to testify about. It was how it was. I could go over whenever I wanted. She had no problem with backing me up. I’m sure she even believed it, too.”
Snark grunted, shaking his head. “The hardships of being young, wealthy, and good-looking.”
Kian’s lips pressed together into a flat line. “My dad forbade me to testify with the real reason I went to Jordan’s house. Couldn’t put ‘undue stress’ on a ‘beneficial alliance.’ Those were my dad’s actual words.”
My head was swimming.
He’d saved me from Edmund and from Justin. One just tortured me, and the other intended to rape me. What was worse was that I didn’t know if I would’ve gone to the police about either. If Edmund stopped, I would’ve convinced myself that he’d just snapped. He would’ve apologized, and nothing would’ve been said about it again. His wife, their two kids—they blamed me for Edmund’s death, and they never would’ve supported me if I’d gone to the police. Same thing with Justin. It would’ve been my word against his.
Shame filled me, making my insides form knots.
I would’ve allowed myself to become victimized. I wouldn’t have stood up, not like Kian had.
Feeling the burning in my throat and tears threatening to spill, I said huskily, “Thank you.”
He’d been waiting, and at my words, his shoulders slowly lowered. A silent sigh left him at the same time. As his Adam’s apple jerked up and paused at the top of his throat, he gave me a stiff nod. “You don’t hate me?”
How could I? He’d saved me in more ways than one.
I shook my head. “Never.”
“This is all fine and dandy, but we have serious issues to talk about.” Snark’s sharp tone broke my reverie.
I was pulled from the past and brought back to reality.
He added, “You have a roommate and an apartment with all your stuff. I suggest you deal with that before his team gets here.” He jerked a thumb in Kian’s direction and then threw him a shrewd look, his eyebrow arching up. “I’m assuming you’re going to demand that she stay here and not go with me?”
Kian threw me a questioning look, but his jaw hardened. “That’s up to Jordan.”
Jordan.
That was the second time he called me by my real name. The feeling washed over me, sending warmth through my body. It was my name, given to me by my real parents. It was nice, hearing it again, and I let myself savor the sensation.
“Jordan?” Snark added, his voice gruff.
Savoring moment was done. It was time to deal with real life. I clipped my head in a firm nod. “I ran from that party, but it might not be a bad idea to get back to my apartment before the media shows up, if they aren’t there already. I might not get another chance.” I glanced to Kian. “You probably shouldn’t come—”
He didn’t let me finish. “I’m coming.”
“Well then, okay, I guess.”
He shouldn’t go, but I was glad that he would. It didn’t make sense, and I didn’t care. The shitstorm that was called the media was about to descend on my life once again. I was going to endure everything I had before. I was about to be blamed for Kian going to jail.
I needed to go to hell. I was a whore. I was a cunt. I was a seductress from the ninth level of hell. I didn’t deserve happiness or to be alive. I should have died. And those were all the comments that would be yelled from non-media people. The media would paint me how they had before and during the trial, showing that I manipulated Kian into killing Edmund. Somehow, it was all my fault.
I was about to be hated once more.
“I’ll go.” Snark moved to grab my arm. “You stay.” He swept his eyes to Kian, too. “Both of you stay. I’ll get a team in there. I can pull some strings from work.”
“You sure?”
He nodded. “I’ll call when it’s done. We’ll get everything out.”
After Snark left, Kian and I stared at each other. The air was so heavy and thick that I didn’t think I could talk. He had known about Justin. He came to save me from my ex. I couldn’t get that out of my head.
I heard myself asking Kian, my voice hoarse, “You knew about him?” It was already answered, but somehow, I needed to ask again. He knew how he was. Others knew. Justin hurt me back then.
No one cared, or I thought no one cared.
He nodded, his eyes lidded. “He didn’t deserve you.”
My mouth was dry. “You knew me before that happened then? I thought it was a freak accident, that you saw me through the window.”
Kian met my gaze. Gone was the cold, mysterious, and almost deadly guy I knew for the last three years. It was the old Kian, the high school Kian. But even then, he was always reserved, a loner at times, yet a respected leader. No, this was a different side to him.
I tilted my head to the side, narrowing my eyes, and I moved closer. He was exposed to me, like he opened a window and I was seeing the little boy inside of him.
Hurt and a tiny degree of raw anger flared in his depths before switching to uncertainty. He was letting me see inside of him. I felt my heart surge against my chest then, wanting to climb out to him. The feeling was overwhelming.
I asked so quietly, “Why?”
He gazed at me, questioning me.
“Why didn’t he deserve me?”
I suddenly needed to hear something loving, something I hadn’t heard from anyone all my life. I moved another step closer so I was within touching distance of him. I could see his pulse pounding through a vein in his neck.
He held himself still, just watching me back, before he murmured, “Because you were good. He wasn’t. He was beneath you.”
“You’re nothing but a whore,” Edmund said. “I’ve seen you with that rich boy. I’ve seen you two kissing. His tongue going down your mouth. I’ve seen it all, and I knew it would be my job to save you.”
His breath was hot, rank, as he brought the knife to my throat. He was excited and aroused. I felt him pressing against my leg.
He coated my face with his spit, saying, “You’re going to be saved today, girl. One way or another, you will be.”
I blinked back a tear and swallowed a sudden lump in my throat. “How do you know?” I could only whisper. How did he know I was good?
Kian’s hand lifted, cupping the back of my neck, and he leaned down so that his forehead rested against mine. I felt the struggle in him then. He was holding himself back, trying to keep control.
I wanted to yank it out of him. Whatever the consequences, whatever happened, I wanted it to happen. An ache was in me, one that I wanted him to fill. There was a hole inside me, one that his words, his touch, and his protection could heal. I was leaning into him, my forehead pressing back, and my eyes clung to his. I was starving for him.
He said so softly and gently, “Because I’m not good. Because I’m like Justin, like Edmund. I’ve hurt. I’ve killed. I’ve stood by when people I loved were hurt.” His hand trailed around my neck in a soft caress and went up to rest against my cheek. He wasn’t holding me. He was just touching me. “I couldn’t do it again. I couldn’t let you get hurt, not when you weren’t like the rest of us. You’re good. You were then. You are now.”
My heart pressed even more to my chest, wanting to go to him if it could.
He said, “He hurt my sister, and after it happened, I couldn’t do anything. I wanted to make him suffer. My dad wouldn’t allow it. Justin started dating you, and I knew it was going to happen again. I knew of you from school. You were quiet and stayed to yourself, stayed in the background. That was why Justin picked you—because he could hurt you and get away with it. No one was going to protect you. But you were good. I saw it then, and it’s still in you. You’re still good, Jordan. When you broke up with him, I was relieved, but it wasn’t because he hadn’t hurt you.”