So what were the Beach cops doing out of their jurisdiction? Had Kreeger slashed some tourist's throat while waiting in line at Joe's Stone Crab?
"Are you Stephen Solomon?" The cop wore sergeant's stripes and had a mustache. He was in his forties, with a tired look.
"Guilty," Steve said. "What's this about?"
He was vaguely aware that Kreeger was leaning close to the microphone, his voice a portentous whisper. "Exclusive report. Breaking news here at WPYG. You're live with Dr. Bill. . "
"You're under arrest, Mr. Solomon," the sergeant said wearily.
"For what! What'd I do, curse on the air?"
"Steve-the-Shyster Solomon arrested, right here in Studio A," Kreeger rhapsodized.
"Assault and battery."
"I haven't hit the bastard yet." Steve nodded toward Kreeger.
"Not him. A guy named Freskin."
"Who the hell is that?"
The younger cop took a pair of handcuffs from his belt. "Please place your hands behind your back, sir."
Damn polite, just like they teach them in cop school.
"I don't know any Freskin."
"I have to pat you down, sir," the younger cop persisted.
"The excitement builds," Kreeger announced, sounding like Joe Buck doing a World Series game. "They're putting the cuffs on Solomon."
"Goddammit. Who's Freskin?" Steve felt a mixture of anger and humiliation.
"State probation officer," the sergeant answered. "Arnold Freskin. You assaulted him in your law office."
Oh, him!
"That freak? He was getting off wrestling with my secretary."
Even as he spoke, Steve knew he was violating the advice he gave to every client he'd ever had.
"Never talk to the cops. You'll only dig yourself a deeper hole."
"You have the right to remain silent," the sergeant reminded him. "You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney-"
"I know. I know."
"They're taking him downtown," Kreeger sang out cheerfully. "Is Steve Solomon not only a shyster, but a violent thug, too? Stay tuned."
Ten
Steve stood at the kitchen sink, scrubbing the ink off his fingertips. He'd been booked and processed, fingerprinted and photographed, and generally ridiculed by cops and corrections officers who knew him from court. He had spent two hours in a holding cell where the walls were covered with yellowish-brown graffiti. Generations of inmates had used mustard from their state-issued bologna sandwiches to leave their misspelled profanities to posterity. Perhaps not as impressive as Paleolithic cave drawings, the graffiti nonetheless provided a sociological snapshot of our underclass, as well as an indictment of our public schools.
Judge Alvin Elias Schwartz released Steve without bail on the grounds that His Honor used to play pinochle with the defendant's father. Steve would be required to show up in a week to be arraigned on charges of assault and battery and obstructing a state official, to wit: Mr. Arnold G. Freskin, in the performance of his duties. According to the criminal complaint, Freskin's duties included an "on-site interview with a probationer," which Steve figured sounded better than an "erotic wrestling match with an undressed secretary."
Steve had taken a sweaty taxi ride home, the Jamaican driver explaining the A/C was on the blink, but Steve figured the guy was just saving gas. Steve's pants and shirt stuck to the vinyl seats, though the heat didn't seem to bother the driver, who was sitting on one of those beaded back supports.
"You sounded like a horse's ass on the radio today." Herbert Solomon sat at the kitchen table, sipping kosher red wine and eviscerating his son. "A real putz."
"Thanks for the support, Dad." Steve was not up for his father's abuse. It had been a shitty day, and it wasn't over yet. In an hour, he would have to put on a smiley face and brush-kiss Irene Lord. The Queen. Victoria's mother. A woman so cold and imperious she made Martha Stewart seem warm and cuddly.
"Ah bailed you out, didn't ah?"
"I was released on my own recognizance. All you did was call the judge."
"That's a helluva lot."
"You could have driven downtown and picked me up from the jail."
"Not after sundown, boychik."
"Why, you got night blindness?"
"Shabbos, you shmoe!"
"What is it, open-bar night at temple?"
"Wouldn't hurt you to come along. Say a Sh'ma or two."
So that explained his father's outfit. A double-breasted blue blazer, rep tie with khaki walking shorts and sneakers. Ever since the old man went ortho, he began adhering to the rule of not driving between sundown Friday and sundown Saturday. Now, looking like a demented Englishman in the midday sun, he was ready for the three-mile trek to Temple Judea.
"It's Irene's birthday," Steve said. "Otherwise, I'd be right there with you in the front row."
"Hah. You don't even know where the shul is."
"On Granada, right across Dixie Highway from the ball field." The ball field being Mark Light Stadium at the University of Miami, where Steve couldn't hit a lick but semi-starred as a pinch runner and base stealer. He also occasionally attended class, majoring in theater and minoring in the swimming pool. Herbert had wanted Steve to study political science or pre-law, something that might lead to the legal profession. But the word in the dorm was that the hottest girls were in theater. Enough said. Steve brushed up his Shakespeare and headed for the Ring Theater, which was conveniently located next to the campus Rathskellar.
Only later did Steve realize that the acting skills he accidentally learned would be useful in court. As an undergrad, he played the cynical reporter E. K. Hornbeck in Inherit the Wind, a role that came easily. Then he was Teach in American Buffalo, a part he enjoyed mainly because he got to say a lot of fuck you's. His senior year, Steve played the older brother, Biff, in Death of a Salesman. A jock with early promise, Biff's life crumbled when he discovered that his father was a fraud.
"Pop's going to kill himself! Don't you know that?"
At virtually the same time Steve cried out that line, his own father-Herbert Solomon, not Willy Loman-was being hauled before the Grand Jury. Looking back, Steve knew his onstage tears were real.
For much the same reason he studied theater-hot coeds-Steve joined the campus chapter of the ACLU. The prevailing wisdom then was that liberal chicks were easier to bag than, say, the Young Republican Women for Chastity. The ACLU meetings gave him a feel for the underdog. All considered, the acting lessons and liberal politics provided solid, if unintentional, training for the life of a solo practitioner in the mystical art of the Law.
"So what's your plan?" Herbert asked.
"For Irene's birthday? We're going to Joe's for stone crabs."
"For Kreeger!"
"I'm working on it, Dad. He claims he wants to hang out with me."
"What'd Ah tell you? Murderers need pals, too."
"Except it sounded more like a threat. Be my pal- or else."
"So what's your plan?" Herbert pressed him.
Steve didn't know how much to tell his father. His father's parenting had swung between benign neglect and caustic criticism. And now, that old fear resurfaced. Ridicule and rejection. Not measuring up.
"I need to get down to the Keys. Find a witness."
"What for?"
Steve decided to go for it. His ego had pretty much survived all the welts and bruises his father could dish out. "That fishing trip I told you about. Kreeger and his classmate Jim Beshears."