“I can’t,” King said evenly.
“Why not? Seemed easy for you before.”
“Because, Pup, I don’t want to. No matter how hard I try to fight this, I’m drawn to you. You think I like this back and forth shit? You think you’re the only one who’s fucking confused here?” He shook his head like he couldn’t believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. “I’m drawn to you,” he repeated turning my chin up to him.
“What do you expect? Am I supposed to fall at your feet and thank you for being ‘drawn to me’?” Not only was he confusing, he was fucking infuriating. “Drawn to me? You’re drawn to me! Well, let me just take off my fucking panties then, and let’s do this shit. Yeah, you were really drawn to me. Tell me something, KING. Do most first dates end with the guy getting sucked off by another girl? I mean, I’ve never been on one, so you tell me. I could be wrong here. Because if the answer is yes, then this date has gone fucking swimmingly!”
“I’m…FUCK! You think you know everything, but you don’t. All you do is run those pretty lips of yours and expect me to be able to just give into you!” King threw his hands up in the air. “You make me fucking crazy, you know that!” he shouted.
“I make YOU crazy? How the fuck do you think I feel? Most of the time I don’t know if you want to kill me or fuck me!” I screamed, every single word he spoke ignited my anger until it wasn’t something I could even begin to hold back.
King had the audacity to actually smile. He leaned forward and whispered seductively against my cheek, “Can’t I want both, Pup?”
I pulled back and stood up.
“NO! You can’t! And stop calling me, Pup. It’s a stupid fucking name. I’m not your fucking pet!”
I paced the dock. My rage was at a boiling point I couldn’t turn off. This was his fault. He’d made me into this lunatic.
King stood and grabbed my face with both hands, forcing me to look at him. “Yes, you are,” he said, as he lowered his lips and brushed them softly against mine in a move so gentle, so unlike him, it took me a few seconds before I registered what was happening.
Then, my anger returned, in full force. Using both my hands, I pushed against his chest until he had no choice but to release me.
“Fuck you! You don’t want to keep me!” I shouted over my shoulder as I made my way to the front of the house and started down the gravel driveway. “Do you think I’m stupid? You wouldn’t be getting your jollies while I’m in the next room if it was me you wanted.”
A large hand grabbed my shoulder and spun me around.
“Let go of me!” I shouted.
“Listen, Pup. I’ve tried it your way. I tried gentle just now, but you didn’t listen. Now, we’re going to do it my way, and you’re going to fucking listen. Don’t make me have to cuff you again,” he warned.
King’s tone was all anger and confidence. I didn’t doubt for a moment that he would make good on his threat. He wrapped his arms around my waist and held my hands together behind my back, locking my struggling body against his.
“I did that to push you away,” he admitted. “I wanted you to see it.”
“Congratulations, it worked,” I spat. “You should be fucking happy.”
“You and that tongue of yours.” King shook his head. “No, I’m not happy. I’m far from fucking happy. I’ve been far from fucking happy since I got out of prison. If I think back, I wasn’t exactly happy before prison either, and it’s your fucking fault!”
“How the fuck is that my fault?” Now, he’d gone too far, blaming me for his life years before I was even in it.
“Because you are the one who made me realize I was fucking unhappy. Because with you, I think I can actually BE happy!” He shook me when he spoke, like he wanted to shake the words into my brain to make me understand what it was he was saying.
I needed it all to be over. It was too much. The mind fuck was more torture than I could take. I wanted him. I wanted to believe him. But words were just words, and coming from King, they were probably just another method to keep torturing me.
I just wanted to be left alone. It was time for me to go. “I’m leaving. Just let me go,” I begged, softly.
King shook his head. “No. You’re not going anywhere.”
“You can’t keep me here,” I stated.
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. I think I’ve proven that I can,” King argued. “Besides, where would you go? Back out on streets?”
“Maybe. What do you care, anyway?” I bit back.
“You seem to forget what it’s like out there on your own. Or maybe we can dig up Ed, and he can tell you how he planned to dispose of your body when he was done raping you,” King spat.
“I’d rather take chances with my life out there—” My chest constricted. “—than take chances with my heart here.”
“No,” King argued.
“What the hell do you want from me?” I asked. My anger battled against the heartbreaking thought of leaving and never seeing King again. “Why don’t you just gut me, and get it over with? Do whatever it is you want to do to me. Hit me. Fuck me. Fucking KILL me. Just. Stop. HURTING. Me.”
Sobs emerged from my throat, and I fell limp into his arms.
“Baby,” King said, holding me tighter so that I wouldn’t drop to the ground. It was the first time he’d ever called me that, and when I tried to register the endearment, it fell flat. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t fuck that girl. I couldn’t do it. She didn’t touch me. I stopped the second you shut the door. I swear. I’m so sorry. You’re the last person I want to hurt. I just don’t know how to fucking do this.”
“Do what?” I asked him. A tear fell from my cheek and onto his arm. As much as I didn’t want to, I buried my face into his shirt and clenched the fabric in my fists.
His voice cracked when he whispered, “I don’t know. Any of it. I don’t even fucking know what this is.”
“That’s not good enough,” I said, not really sure what part I was talking about. Maybe, his apology. Maybe his actions. Maybe, his uncertainty. Maybe, all of it.
“I think that’s the problem,” King said. “You deserve so much more than an ex-con who has nothing to offer you. You deserve so much more than me. It was easy to keep you when you were just my mine, my property. It’s hard to keep you as my girl. I don’t know when it all shifted, but it did. And that’s what I want, but it’s something I’ve never wanted before. I’d never even taken a girl out on a date before tonight. I want you in my life more than anything, but it’s so much more complicated than just wanting it. So much more than you know.”
“If you’re going to let me go, let me go. If you’re going to let me in, let me in. But, you have to pick one. You can’t hold me close at night and push me away every morning when the sun comes out.” I pushed off of his chest again and turned to walk away, but he pulled me back.
King kissed the top of my head. “I know, baby. I know.”
“You don’t know shit!”
Breaking free, I headed to the front of the house, away from the party, and away from King. I needed to be alone. I needed to think. King caught up with me easily, each one of his strides accounting for at least three of my own.
“I’m done with nice, Pup,” King shouted from close behind me. I continued marching away, trying to put some space between us.
“You’re done being nice?” I called back over my shoulder. “You’ve never been nice. You’ve lied to me and toyed with me, and that is not nice.”
King caught me from behind just as I approached the first pillar under the house. He pushed me up against it and pressed himself to my back, his erection prodding the seam of my ass.
“Bear is nice,” I said with my cheek pressed sideways against the pillar. “Bear offered to take me in. He wanted me to stay with him at the clubhouse. He wants me to keep his bed warm, fuck his brains out. Told me he wanted me on the back of his bike.”
“What the fuck did you just say to me?” King hissed into my neck, his teeth against my skin. I didn’t let that stop me from raining down my wrath on him. He deserved every last bit of it. I spun myself around in his arms, but he was too fast. Before I could bolt, he had me pegged against the pillar, my back to his front. His eyes darkened. A vein pulsed in his neck. His jaw was set on a hard line.