I waved my semi-hard penis at her. “You mean this?”
“No, your weight. You’re really self-conscious about it.”
“Oh. Yeah. That.” I sighed and said, “I don’t ever wanna be pudgy again.”
“Well, I don’t care how much you weigh. Neither does anyone else. But where was I? Oh, right, Brooke. I wish she’d get some confidence back.
That’s one of the reasons I wanted you to meet her. You’re really good at making people feel special without sounding fake. Laurence did that. I know I told you.
“But listen to me,” she finished, “I’m chattering again. I don’t know why.
I’m not nervous or anything. I’m really happy.” She squeezed me tight and then breathed a deep sigh. “So happy I could burst.” After a moment she began stroking my cock back to life. “Mmm, speaking of bursting…”
“Wow, you’re all over the place tonight.”
“I can’t help it. Sometimes I have a million thoughts when I’m with you.
You don’t expect me to keep them to myself, do you?”
“No,” I chuckled. “It’s just… sometimes your mind is like your metabolism. They’re both going twice as fast as normal people’s.”
“What if they are? My libido is too, and you don’t complain about that.”
“I’m not complaining about the other. I think it’s cute. You’re cute.”
“Oh. Okay. When you put it that way… thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now, about your libido…”
“It’s very high. And I’ve been thinking about what you asked me.” She squeezed my dick and stroked it back to life. “About learning to deep throat.
Are you looking for my clitoris or something?”
I frowned in confusion. “In your throat? Not unless it’s moved.”
“It hasn’t,” Christy said brightly. “I just— Hold on! You don’t know what I’m talking about, do you?”
“Of course, deep throat.”
“No, the part about my clitoris being in my throat.”
“Okay, you got me,” I said after a moment. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She sat up and looked at me in amazement. “Seriously? I know something you don’t? About sex?”
“Probably lots of things.”
“But this particular thing…”
“Your clit being in your throat? Yeah… no.”
“So you haven’t actually seen the movie?”
“What movie?”
“Oh my gosh! I thought you had. I thought everyone—”
“What movie?” I repeated testily.
Christy immediately calmed down. “Sorry, Deep Throat. I thought you’d seen it. You’re a guy. That’s what guys do, watch porn. It’s in the Handbook.”
“Ah, right. So… now’s probably a good time to admit that I haven’t actually seen many pornos.”
“Seriously? You talk like you have. I just thought… you know.”
I shook my head.
“Wow. I know more about something than you do. I’m in shock. Good shock, but still… Now I can teach you something. Okay, so… Deep Throat.
It’s about this woman who can’t have an orgasm. Then her doctor discovers that her clitoris is actually in her throat. That’s why she has to deep throat.”
“Ah, okay. I get it,” I said. “Except the part about her clit. That can’t really happen.”
Christy gave me a flat stare. “You read books about hobbits and elves.”
“Don’t use logic against me.”
She grinned and continued, “Anyway, the woman in the movie has to deep throat guys until she finds one she wants to marry. I already found mine, but I still want to deep throat him. If I can, I mean. And now I wanna watch the movie with you.”
“Does Brooke have it?”
“Of course. Now we definitely need a TV and VCR here.”
I felt a surge of annoyance at Christy’s cavalier attitude about money, but the little head pointed out that watching porn was basically foreplay.
Besides, he added, it’s only money. It doesn’t do me any good. So the least you can do is make her happy with it. She’ll take care of the rest. And by
“the rest,” of course, I mean me.
The world doesn’t revolve around you, I thought back at him.
Now you’re just talking nonsense.
Christy grinned. “What’d he say?”
“That we need to watch porn together. But in the meantime, let’s talk about this clitoris you have in your throat.”
“You’re so weird sometimes. My clitoris is right where it’s supposed to be, Sir Licks-a-Lot.”
“Good one,” I chuckled. “But maybe you have an extra one in your throat. We should probably check, just to be sure.”
“Oh we should, should we?” She grinned. “You’ll say anything to get lucky.”
“Can you blame me?”
“No, not really. Now, if you don’t mind…” She lowered her head and hummed a tune as she kissed and licked my hard-on. She stopped humming when she started sucking for real, but I wasn’t about to complain. I didn’t know the song anyway. And besides, I had better things to think about, like the back of her throat.
I called my parents’ house on Sunday morning while Christy went to Mass.
No one answered, so I left a message. Then I dialed Sara’s number. It was a bit early in San Francisco, but I crossed my fingers. She answered on the fifth ring.
“Yello?”
“Hey, it’s Paul,” I said. “Is it too early?”
“Whaddyou think, jagoff?” Crash!
I stared at the phone and chuckled. Her Pittsburgh accent came out when she wasn’t paying attention. I hung up and hoped she could get back to sleep, but the phone rang less than a minute later.
“Hello?”
“Hey,” Sara’s sleepy voice said. “’S everything all right?”
“Yeah, sorry. I know it’s early there. I should’ve waited.”
“You’re a real asshole. I was sound asleep until you scared the shit out of me. I thought someone was in the hospital or something. Are you sure you’re all right? Is Christy?”
“We’re all fine. You wanna go back to sleep and call me later?”
“I’m already awake. Fuck. What time is it?”
I glanced at my watch and subtracted. “A little before seven, your time.”
“D’you know what day it is?”
“Do you?” I laughed.
“Sunday. Asshole.”
“Okay,” I said evenly.
“So, whaddya want? Hold on. I’m’a start coffee.” She set the phone down and returned about a minute later. “D’you know what time it is?”
“Yeah, okay, I get it,” I said. “It’s too early.”
“Especially for a Sunday. And I’ll cut your balls off if you scare me like that again. Now, what’s so urgent that it couldn’t wait till a decent hour?”
“Eh, not much. I just wanted to hear your voice.”
“Aren’t you a saint. But I don’t believe you.”
“Okay, you’re right. I really wanted to call and complain.”
“’Bout what? Princess problems?”
“Sort of,” I said. “Although… more like Catholic birth control problems.”
Sara chuckled, dark and completely devoid of sympathy. “I’m glad I don’t have to worry about that anymore.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, what’d you do when you did? The pill?”
“Jesus, no. I got an IUD. No muss, no fuss. And no daily reminder that I was gonna get fucked, by life or just some random asshole.”
“Yeah, right. Sorry.”
“Why? You never fucked me. You never fucked me over, either, which is a minor miracle. Anyway,” she continued, “if you don’t mind me asking, did you and the little princess finally get down to business? Sounds like you did, if you’re worried about birth control.”