I did feel then so moved by new emotions that I wanted to go to my room, for there was a great deal I had to think about. Moreover, I knew that I should be resting.
” We shall be here to-morrow,” Hagar reminded me. ” We might go for a drive to-morrow morning the three of us unless you would like to come, Ruth?”
” I dare say people will be calling all the morning,” said Ruth. ” You know how it is on Boxing Day.”
” Well, we shall see,” said Hagar. ” Good night, my dear. I am sure you are wise to retire. It must have been a long day for you.”
I kissed her hand, and she drew me to her and kissed my cheek. Then I gave my hand to Simon. To my astonishment he bent down swiftly and kissed it. I could feel his kiss, hard and warm on my skin. I flushed faintly and hoped Ruth did not notice this.
“Slip away, Catherine,” said Ruth.
“I’ll make your excuses to everybody. They’ll understand.”
So I slipped away, but when I was in my room I knew I could not sleep.
I was too excited.
I lighted the candles and lay down on my bed. I turned the ring round and round on my finger. I believed that it was a ring which the Redvers family treasured and that it had been given to me because they wished to imply that they wanted me to be one of them. I had been lying thus when the monk had come to my room and the strangeness had begun. I kept going over everything that had happened, right from the first, and I was conscious of an urgency.
Time was short. Already I was easily tired and forced to leave the party before it was over. This mystery should be solved . and quickly solved.
If I could find that way into the house . if I could find the monk’s robe. We had not really examined the minstrels’ gallery thoroughly.
We had found the cupboard, but we had not looked behind the tapestries on the walls. How long, I wondered, was it since that tapestry had been taken down?
I rose from my bed I had not undressed for I was filled with a great desire to have another look at the gallery.
I went along the corridor. I could hear the sound of voices and they were coming from the drawing-room on this floor; quietly I descended the first flight of stairs to the minstrel’s gallery. I opened the door and went in.
The only light came from the numerous wall candles in the hall. So it was dark and gloomy in the gallery and I told myself that I had been foolish to hope to discover anything in this poor light.
I leaned over the balcony looking down on the hall, of which I had a good view apart from that section immediately below.
And as I stood there the door opened and a shape loomed on the threshold. For a moment I thought it was the monk and, in spite of my belief that I wanted to see him, a shudder of fear ran through me.
But this was no monk. It was a man in ordinary evening dress and when he whispered: “Why … Catherine!” I recognised the voice of Dr.
Smith.
He went on speaking very quietly. ” What are you doing here?”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
He came into the gallery and we stood side by side near the balcony.
He put his fingers to Us lips. ” There is someone down there,” he whispered.
I was surprised that he should consider that a matter for secrecy as there were so many guests in the house, and was about to say so, when be seized my arm and drew me closer to the balcony.
Then I heard voices.
” Damaris! We’re alone at last.” The sound of that voice gave me a pain which was almost physical. It was not only the words but the tone in which they were spoken which was so significant. For it was both tender and passionate, and only rarely had I heard that timbre in the voice. It was Simon who was speaking.
Then Damaris: ” I am afraid. My father would not be pleased.”
In these matters, Damaris, we do not please our fathers, but ourselves. ”
” But to-night he is here. Perhaps he is watching us now.”
Simon laughed and at that moment they moved towards the centre of the hall. He had his arm about her.
I turned away, not wanting to look. I was afraid they might be aware of us. My humiliation would have been complete if Simon knew that I had looked on at his flirtation with Damaris.
As I walked towards the door of the gallery, the doctor was still beside me; and together we went up the stairs to the first floor. He seemed preoccupied, scarcely aware of me, and I had no doubt that he was very worried about his daughter.
“I shall forbid her to see that … philanderer!” he said.
I did not answer; I had clasped my hands together and touched the ring which but a short time ago had seemed to have such a significance.
” Perhaps it would be useless to forbid her,” I suggested.
” She would have to obey me,” he retorted; and I saw the veins, prominent at his. temples. I had never known him so agitated before and that seemed to mark the depth of his affection for her. I warmed to him because such parental concern was exactly what I had so sadly missed during the absences of my real father.
“He is overbearing,” I said, and my own voice was very angry. ” I believe he would always find a way of getting what he wanted.”
” I am sorry,” said the doctor. ” I am forgetting you. You should be resting, I thought you had retired to do that. What made you come to the gallery?”
” I couldn’t sleep. ! was too excited, I suppose.”
” At least,” he said, ” this is a warning to us both.”
“What made you come to the gallery?” I asked-suddenly.
” I knew they were down there together.”
” I see. And you would frown on a match between them?”
“A match I He would not offer her marriage. The old lady has other plans for him. He’ll marry her choice and it won’t be my daughter. Besides … she is for Luke.”
” Is she? She did not seem to think so tonight.”
” Luke is devoted to her. If only they were older they would be married by now. It would be a tragedy if she were ruined by this…”
” You do not think very highly of his honour.”
“His honour! You have not been here long enough to know his reputation in the neighbourhood. But I am keeping you and it grows late. I shall be taking Damaris home immediately. Good night, Catherine.”
He took my hand. It was the one on which was the Redvers ring.
I went to my room. I was so upset that I forgot to lock my doors that night. But there were no midnight visitors, and I was alone with my emotions.
That night I learned the true nature of these emotions, and I blamed myself for allowing them to become so strong, disguised as they were by the semblance of dislike. I had been angry with him because I thought he did not esteem me enough. I had been hurt because I wanted that esteem.
That night I learned that hatred grows out of the strength of one’s own emotions; and that when a woman comes close to hating a man she should be watchful, for it means that her feelings are deeply engaged.
He is a cheat, I told myself, as I tried to shut out the echo of his voice talking to Damaris. He is a philanderer who amuses himself with any female who is handy. I happened to be at hand. What a fool I am.
And how we hate those who make us aware of our own folly. Hate and love. There are times when the two can run side by side.
Chapter 7
I did not sleep well that night and it must have been nearly morning when I was awakened by Mary-Jane. It was dark and she was carrying a lighted candle.
“Mary-Jane!” I said.
“What is the time?”
” It’s six o’clock, madam.”
” But why … ?”
” I wanted to tell you yesterday, but with all the Christmas preparations I didn’t get a chance. I only found it yesterday. It was while we were getting the hall ready.”