Told you I could be dramatic. I was standing up now, my hands on my hips. And even though I knew I was being a big brat, I have to say, it felt good. I wasn’t just screaming at Kathy now. I was letting it out at Dad and at Jeremy and at Leo and a little at Mom and a lot at Jon and his ponytail and his horrible lower lip.
Kathy looked at her hands in her lap, wiggling her pink fingernails. She looked like a little girl who had just gotten punished.
“If that’s the way you feel,” she said, standing up awkwardly. She still wouldn’t look at me, but I could see the corners of her eyes were damp. I had never been this nasty to anyone before.
“It is,” I said as firmly as I could.
“But I just want to say, for what it’s worth, that this is weird for me, too,” she said, still talking to her shoes. “I mean, it took me thirty-eight years to find the person I wanted to be with, and all of a sudden I have two teenage kids, too, and it’s great and it’s wonderful, but it’s a lot to adjust to all at once, and I know you don’t need to know this, but I just thought I’d say it so you … so you knew, I guess.”
Her words spilled out so fast, it looked like her mouth was moving without her controlling it. And then she looked up at me and mashed her lips into this painful half smile. Her cheeks were dark and wet now. This time I was the one who had to look away. Then all I heard was her boots squeaking as she walked back into the inn.
Nice, Levy. Real nice. I sat back down on the slate steps and tried to calm my breath down, pulling my fleece in tighter and wiping my nose with my sleeve.
“Wow. I guess you told her,” said a raspy voice.
I looked up. It was a guy, tall and lanky. I guessed he was probably Jeremy’s age. Long, thin nose. I couldn’t tell what color his eyes were in this light. He was looming over me, blocking out the moon. He had on a big, thick sweater and a scarf tucked around his neck. His dark hair hung down just above his eyes.
“She must’ve pissed you off, huh?” he asked.
“Excuse me?”
“I mean, you were really letting her have it.”
Great. Had he watched that whole thing?
“Well, she was …” I started. My voice sounded unsteady. “Did you see …?”
“Yeah.” He cut me off. “Pretty harsh,” he added. Then he just stood there, waiting for me to respond.
“Well, I mean, I didn’t know you were there. Do you always sneak up on people like that?” I knew it sounded snooty, but I was feeling pretty defensive now. Who was this guy, anyway?
“No. Not always,” he said. “Do you always make grown women cry?”
Whoa. That one landed right on my chest. I felt the cold stinging my skin. For once in my life, I didn’t have anything to say.
“Listen, whatever,” he said. “I know moms can be a pain sometimes.”
I know I should’ve just let it go. But of course, good old Levy …
“That’s the thing. She’s not my mom. She’s my dad’s new — Kathy.”
“Uh-huh.”
This guy was infuriating!
“She’s not my mom. She’s nothing like my mom. In fact, she probably comes up to my mom’s navel. But you know what? It’s none of your business, anyway. You don’t know who she is or who I am or anything!”
“You’re right,” he said calmly.
All right, Levy. Just walk away. It’s not worth it. But the more this guy stood there with his arms crossed, just looking out into the nothingness, the madder I got.
“You know, I didn’t want to come here. I don’t even plan on skiing. This whole trip is a big waste of time, and now I have to get a lecture on how to respect my elders?! You can think whatever you want. I really don’t care. You can stay out here and spy on people all night, if that’s your thing. But I’m freezing and hungry and tired and … done!”
I tried to make a sweeping exit by spinning on my heels and stomping back into the inn. But one of my feet had fallen asleep, so it was more like a dramatic hobble. It felt pretty lame. Then I pulled open the heavy wooden door to the inn and let it slam behind me. At least it was warm in here. People were gathered in small groups, chatting and sipping drinks. I really was famished, but I didn’t see how I could join the family for dinner now. Dad and Kathy were sitting by the fire playing cards. They didn’t even look up when I came in the room. Neither did Jeremy, who was leaning on the mantel with some girl in a fuzzy cream-colored sweater laughing next to him. I wanted to tell her that he ate with his mouth open and that he never flossed. But I didn’t.
Instead, I took two red delicious apples from the basket on one of the side tables and went up to my room. Someone had come in and turned the covers down. I was too cold to get undressed, though. I turned on the bathroom sink to run my hands under the hot water. It sputtered and spit out some brown-colored water. Great. But then it ran clear and the steam started rising from the sink. I put my hands under until they turned red, then quickly stripped down and slipped into my sweatpants, a thermal, and my warmest socks.
I slid into the bed, turned on the television, and flipped around. There was some reality show on where the contestants were all trying to put together a puzzle. The puzzle was made of big wooden pieces, and it was supposed to turn into a map that would show them the way to a box of fruit on this island. Or something like that. I always thought that I’d be good on one of those shows. I love puzzles, and I’m really good under pressure. But I also get lost a lot, especially when I’m walking or on a bus or something and I zone out. And I guess tonight I had proven I wasn’t much of a team player. All right, maybe I wouldn’t be good on one of those shows.
I rubbed my apple on my shirt and took a bite. I could just picture Jeremy ordering a big steak and chewing with his tongue hanging out. Dad would go for the pasta — and Kathy? Probably a side salad or something skimpy like that. Ugh. What did it matter now, anyway? I took another bite of my apple and wiggled down under the covers until all that was left above the sheets was my head.
I knew I was acting like a baby. I knew I was being unfair to Kathy. I was just so mad at her for taking my dad away. I felt so lonely. It was like everyone had someone special in the world except for me. Even Jeremy with his new fuzzy girlfriend. Even the people running across the TV screen, holding hands as they searched for clues.
I put my apple core on the night table and turned out the light. For a minute, I thought there was something wrong with the switch. It was still so bright in the room. The moon poured in through the window, making the ivy leaves on the wallpaper look mystical as they climbed up to the ceiling. I had to admit, it really was pretty amazing. Even through those four little panes of glass, the sky was so immense and vast and long in every direction. Much bigger than at home. A gazillion stars blinking and spreading out into the night. All I wanted was to be able to share that sky with someone. That was my wish. Just to have someone look up and point out Orion or trace the Big Dipper.
Was it too much to ask?
And then I did something I hadn’t done in a long time. I knew it was corny, but I tipped my head back and whispered it up at the moon. I didn’t know whom I was asking or how it could be answered, but I did it anyway.
Please let me find someone to share this sky with. Please?
And then I closed my eyes, and I waited to see what would happen.