Espinoza didn't seem to be in a hurry. He sat back and gave Ben plenty of time to read the document. Ben must have read it half a dozen times. I could hear the electric hum of the clock on the wall.
"Any questions?" Espinoza said.
Ben lay the paper aside. "You're right. It's generous. I'll have to talk it over with my client."
"Of course. Mr. O'Farrell, Ms. Norville." He gathered up his things and took his leave.
I waited another minute. Ben still hadn't moved. "Ben? You okay?"
He tapped the tabletop, then pressed a fist into it. Seemed to grind his knuckles into the wood. "I'm trying to figure out what I did wrong. I keep trying to figure it out."
My guess was he hadn't done anything wrong. Sometimes you did everything right and you still lost.
We went to the jail to visit Cormac.
The three of us sat in a small, windowless room, on hard, plastic seats, around a hard, plastic table, saturated with fluorescent lights and the smells of old coffee and tired bodies. Ben had his briefcase open, papers spread in front of us, everything we'd found in New Mexico, everything Espinoza had laid out for us. Cormac read through them all.
"Espinoza will lower the charge to manslaughter in exchange for a guilty plea. Two to six years max. Otherwise, the charge stays first-degree murder and we go to trial. Mandatory life sentence if convicted." Ben explained it all, then finished, spreading his hands flat on the table, like he was offering himself as part of the evidence.
The silence stretched on forever. No one would look at anyone. We stared at the pages, but they all said the same thing.
Then Cormac said, "We'll take the plea bargain."
Immediately Ben countered. "No, we have to fight it. A jury will see it our way. You didn't do anything wrong. You saved everyone there. We're not going to let them hang you out to dry."
Cormac took a deep breath and shook his head. "Espinoza's right. We all know how this is going to look in court. Everyone may be willing to sit here and talk about skinwalkers and the rest of it, but it won't hold up in court. The law hasn't caught up with it yet."
"Then we'll make them catch up. We'll set the precedents—"
Still, he shook his head. "My past's caught up with me. We knew it would sooner or later. This way, they put me away for a couple years, I get out and keep my nose clean, I'll get over it. If this guy pins murder one on me, I'll be in for decades. I've taken too many risks. I've gambled too much to think I can win this time. Time to cut our losses."
"Think about it, a felony conviction on your record. Don't—"
"I can handle it, Ben."
"I won't let you do this."
"It's my choice. I'll fire you and make the deal myself."
Ben bowed his head until he was almost doubled over. His hands closed into fists. Anger—anger made the wolf come to the surface. I half expected claws to burst from his fingers. I didn't know what we'd do if Ben shifted here, how we'd explain it to the cops. How we'd get him under control.
Ben straightened, letting out a breath he'd been holding. "Don't think you have to do some kind of penance because of what happened to me."
"It's not about you. If I hadn't taken that last shot…" He shook his head. "This is about folding a bad hand. Let it go."
"I feel like I've failed."
"You did the best you could. We both did."
Ben collected his papers, shoving them into his briefcase, not caring if they bent or ripped. I didn't know what to do or say; I was almost bursting, wanting to say something that would hold everyone together. That would somehow make this easier. Fat, hairy chance.
Ben said, "The hearing's in an hour. We'll enter a guilty plea. The judge will review the case and pass sentence. We've got Espinoza's word, six years max. They try anything funny, we'll file a complaint, get this switched to another jurisdiction. They'll be coming to get you in a couple of minutes. Is there anything else? Anything I've forgotten? Anything you need?" He looked at his cousin, a desperate pleading in his eyes. He wanted to be able to do more.
"Thanks, Ben. For everything."
"I didn't do anything."
Cormac shrugged. "Yeah, you did. Can I talk to Kitty alone for a minute? Before the goons come back."
"Yeah. Sure." Gaze down, Ben gathered up his things, threw me a quick glance, and made a beeline out the door.
That left the two of us alone, him in his orange jumpsuit sitting at the table, arms crossed, frowning. His expression hadn't changed; he still looked emotionless, determined. Though toward what purpose now, I couldn't guess.
I hugged my knees, my heels propped on the edge of the chair, trying not to cry. And not succeeding.
"What's wrong?" Cormac said, and it was an odd question coming from him. Wasn't it obvious? But it was an acknowledgment of emotion. He'd noticed. He'd been watching me closely enough to notice, and that fact was somehow thrilling.
Thrilling, to no purpose.
"It's not fair," I said. "You don't deserve this."
He smiled. "Maybe I don't deserve it for this. But I'm no hero. You know that."
"I can't imagine not being able to call you for help." I wiped tears away with the heels of my hands. "Cormac, if things had been just a little different, if things had somehow worked out between us—"
But it didn't bear thinking on, so I didn't finish the thought.
"Will you look after Ben for me?" he said. "Keep him out of trouble."
I nodded quickly. Of course I would. He slowly pushed his chair back and stood. I stood as well, clumsily untangling my legs. We didn't have much time. The cops would open the door any second and take him away.
Face-to-face now, we regarded each other. Didn't say a word. He put his hands on either side of my face and kissed my forehead, lingering a moment. Taking a breath, I realized. The scent of my hair. Something to remember.
I couldn't stop tears from falling. I wanted to put my arms around him and cling to him. Hold him tight enough to save him.
He lightly brushed my cheeks with his thumbs, wiping away tears, and turned away just as the door opened, and the deputies came at him with handcuffs.
Ben and I waited in the hallway, side by side, watching them lead Cormac away, around the corner, and out of sight. Cormac never looked back. I held Ben's arm, and he curled his hand over mine.
We'd lost a member of our pack.
Epilogue
I had to admit, being back at a radio station felt like coming home again. Like meeting a long-lost friend. I thought I'd be scared. I thought I'd dread the moment when that on air sign lit. I discovered, though, that I couldn't wait. I had so much to talk about.
We'd set up the show in Pueblo, as far north as I dared to go. I'd packed up the house in Clay and left for good. It was time to head back to civilization. I had a lot of work to catch up on. Even Thoreau hadn't stayed at Walden Pond forever.
I held the phone to my ear but had stopped paying attention to the voice on the line. I was too busy enjoying the dimly lit studio, taking it all in, the sights and smells, the hum of jazz playing on the current music program.
"… don't take too many this time, let yourself get back into practice." Matt, the show's original sound guy from back in Denver, was talking at me over the phone. Giving me a pep talk or something.
"Yeah, okay," I rambled.
"Are you even listening to me?"
"Yes." I was unconvincing.
Matt sighed dramatically. "I was saying you shouldn't take too many calls. Don't overwhelm yourself. You should spend most of the time on your interview."
For tonight's show I had scheduled a phone interview with Dr. Elizabeth Shumacher, the new head of the Center for the Study of Paranatural Biology, now organized under the auspices of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases. I liked her a lot—she was smart, articulate, and much more forthcoming than the Center's previous director.