What was that all about? Is she attracted to me after all? There had been a few instances at work that had made Kim wonder. She sighed. Na. It's just wishful thinking on your part.
For the first time since meeting earlier that morning, an uncomfortable silence settled between them.
Keeping her eyes on her breakfast, Kim searched for a topic of conversation to break the awkward moment. She didn't want to bring up work. While it was what they had in common, she wanted to move beyond that to other interests they might share.
Kim peeked at Jess through half-lidded eyes. Jess's gaze was firmly locked on her own pastry. Come on, think! Say something before she starts to regret agreeing to have coffee with you. As she picked up the last bit of her croissant, Kim was abruptly drawn out of her thoughts by a high-pitched chirping.
What the...? Kim quickly looked around. When the sound repeated, her eyes were drawn to the source of the noise. No way. Kim's gaze jerked up at the sound of Jess's laughter.
"Hard to believe a dog that big could make that high-pitched sound, isn't it?" Jess asked.
Relief washed over Kim at the once again relaxed look on Jess's face. Thank you, Thor. Kim laughed. Even though she knew it was Thor, it was still hard to believe he had made the sound. "That was pathetic. He sounded like... like..." Kim couldn't think of an adequate description.
Jess laughed. "That's his tweety bird imitation."
"That's appropriate," Kim said with laugh. "I was actually looking for a bird when I first heard it." She picked up her forgotten bite of pastry, intent on popping it in her mouth.
Thor once again sounded off, this time louder and longer.
Pastry in hand, Kim looked down at the dog. "What?"
The strength of his "chirping" reached a fevered pitch. His tail beat a rapid tattoo against the blanket, but he never budged from his spot.
"That's enough, Thor," Jess said.
Sparing Kim one last pleading look, Thor immediately fell silent.
"Is he okay?" Kim asked. Although she didn't know Thor well, she was a little worried about him. Up until now he had been a very quiet dog. These were the first sounds she had heard from him all morning.
"He's fine." Jess picked up her scone and took a bite, leaving just the end of the pastry remaining.
Thor's head came up, and drool began to drip out of his mouth.
"Last bite," Jess said as she handed him the small bit of pastry.
As soon as Thor swallowed the bite, he turned to look beseechingly at Kim.
Kim shot Jess a questioning look.
"He thinks he is supposed to get the last bite. When he was younger, my sister and I used to take him out to Del Java all the time. It's a great place to socialize a puppy. Anyway, she taught him if he lay quietly while we ate, he would get the last bite of whatever we had. Now he expects it. But don't feel you have to give it to him. He's just being pushy."
"I don't mind," Kim said. She checked to make sure it was just a bite of pastry and no chocolate before she offered Thor her last bite. She smiled when he took it from her fingers with amazing gentleness. "He's a really good boy."
Kim pushed her chair back out from under the umbrella covering the table. She tilted her face up to soak in the warm California sunshine. "I should call my brother and tell him I'm outside, in shorts, working on my tan. He'd be green with envy. He's probably busy putting up our mom's storm windows."
"Where do they live?" Jess asked.
"Detroit."
Jess shivered. "Too cold for me. My parents live in Northern California. I left and headed for Southern California as soon as I graduated high school."
Pleasure filled Kim. Jess was starting to open up a little. "So you and your sister both live in Los Angeles?"
"No. Sam lives in San Diego." Jess shifted in her chair and stretched her long legs out in front of her. "You mentioned at work that you'd done your residency out here. Did you decide you didn't like the cold after all? Is that why you left Detroit?"
Kim had never mentioned her previous job to anyone, not wanting to have to dodge uncomfortable questions. Anxiety gripped Kim and held her tight. She pushed away the irrational fear and forced herself to be calm. You didn't do anything wrong. And it's not like it's a big secret.
Still that lingering caution remained. Just say yes, it was the cold, and be done with it. No matter how tempting, Kim knew she couldn't do that. She wanted a friendship with Jess. Starting that friendship with a lie would doom it before it ever got started.
"No. It wasn't the cold," Kim said. Despite her resolve, Kim's response came across sharper than she intended. She dammed Pruitt and Anna for the millionth time.
Jess's relaxed posture disappeared. Like a flower closing in on itself, she sat up straight and pulled in her legs, then crossed her arms over her chest. "Sorry. Didn't mean to pry," Jess said, her voice flat and devoid of emotion.
Kim's heart sank at Jess's defensive posture.
Things had gone well today, and she had enjoyed her time with Jess immensely. Now this. Just tell her. They may share a job title, but she's not Anna. Jess had proven that in just the short time they had been working together. It was time to move past what had happened in Detroit.
Determined to take the chance, Kim reached across the table and laid her hand on Jess's forearm. The muscles felt like granite. "You're not prying. I had some problems at Memorial. I guess I'm still kind of defensive." The tight knot in her stomach eased when the muscles under her fingers lost their stiff rigidity. She gave Jess's arm a quick squeeze before retreating back to her own side of the table.
"I understand." Silvery-blue eyes filled with the weight of Jess's own pain and secrets met Kim's.
Brimming with a yearning she knew that she could never act on, Kim longed to wrap Jess up in her arms and soothe the hurt so readily apparent in her eyes. While she couldn't provide that comfort, she could offer Jess something important to both of them: her trust.
"About six months ago, I saw a young woman in the ER who presented as an attempted suicide." Keeping her eyes locked on Jess's, Kim began to share her story. "Her mother had caught her in bed the month before with another girl and made her life a living hell. She was admitted to psych, and I took her on as a patient."
Jess winced. "That would be tough on anyone, no matter what age."
Kim nodded and they shared a sympathetic look.
"Her mother wasn't happy with me from the start, because I wouldn't divulge anything her daughter told me in therapy. She claimed because her daughter just turned eighteen and was still living at home that made her a minor." Kim held Jess's gaze. "Even if she had been a minor, I'd still never breach someone's trust like that."
"I know you wouldn't," Jess said.
Kim took comfort from the certainty in Jess's voice. "Anyway, her mother also worked at Memorial. I guess she decided to ask around about me, and someone informed her that I'm a lesbian. She flipped out." Kim shook her head, remembering that scene. "She stormed into my office and demanded that her daughter be assigned to a different psychiatrist. One that would 'cure' her, not indoctrinate her in a deviant lifestyle. She ordered me to stop treating her daughter."
"Christ!" Jess rolled her eyes.
"Yeah. Tell me about it. I thought I was going to have to call security."
Jess's expression darkened. "She didn't hurt you, did she?"
"No. Nothing like that." Kim instinctively reached out to lay a comforting hand on top of Jess's.
Flipping her hand over, Jess cradled Kim's palm in hers. "So what happened next?"
Gritting her teeth, Kim pushed away the anger that thinking about this always brought. "When I wouldn't agree to stop treating her daughter, she went to my boss, Dr. Pruitt."