Something about the way he said it – and the fact that we hadn’t seen another soldier in the barracks; it was eerily quiet – made the hairs rise on my arms. ‘What’s wrong with him?’
Oskar tapped his fingers against his thigh, looking from Lydia back to me. Suddenly, he seemed to come to a decision. Wrapping my arm in his again, he marched me towards the staircase. ‘Come. Both of you. You can ask him yourself.’
Lydia’s footsteps clattered on the stairs behind us. A small wave of relief washed over me. Jakob is alive. But the relief vanished when Oskar opened the door to a narrow room, holding it back so that we could slip inside before shutting it firmly.
Jakob sat on a bed inside, nursing his head in his hands.
Lydia gasped as he lifted his face. His skin was as grey as ash and lined with a thin film of sweat. A deep open gash the length of my palm ran from his cheekbone down to his chin. It looked red and angry, the edges raised, inflamed. Dried blood crusted his ear, matting his hair.
‘Lydia?’ His eyes were glazed, slightly unfocused. They slid towards me, lingering on my wet hair. He said my name, his voice slurred as if he were half-asleep.
‘What happened to you?’ Lydia pushed past me, dropping to her knees before him. She brought her hand up to his face but held off touching the oozing wound.
‘Jakob was reprimanded earlier today.’ Oskar’s voice was hard. He had moved to stand beside the window. ‘Along with three others.’
‘Reprimanded for what?’ Lydia pulled a handkerchief from the pocket of her skirt. ‘And by whom?’
‘For refusing to help them measure wood to build a platform outside the city to execute Jewish families.’ Jakob eased out a shaky laugh. ‘You know I never was good with numbers.’
Lydia made a strangled noise in her throat and lifted one hand to cover her mouth.
A finger of fear slid down my back.
Oskar looked at me, his eyes dark. ‘There is more; they are setting up a holding place some streets away in an old gymnasium. It will house Jewish people until the execution area is ready.’
A heavy silence met his words.
At last Jakob spoke. ‘You would have refused to help too, Kati. You know you would.’
‘The Wehrmacht doesn’t look kindly on anyone who disagrees with their Ostplan,’ Oskar said. ‘Not even partisans who helped clear out the Russians so they could march in waving victory flags.’
‘At least if they kill me, you’ll be able to take my rations,’ Jakob said.
‘This is not a game!’ Lydia scrunched the bloodstained handkerchief in her hand.
Jakob sighed. ‘I know. I’m sorry.’
Oskar’s shoulders slumped. ‘Jakob has put us all in danger.’
Jakob’s eyes slitted. He brushed Lydia’s hand away. ‘What would you have me do, Oskar? Murder them? In cold blood?’
‘Of course not.’ Oskar swung around. ‘But you could have waited! You could have held off for a little longer voicing your objections. At least until I found a way for us to extricate ourselves. There will be others who resist the Germans. We need to find them, join them. Now we are all under Wehrmacht surveillance. That will make it… difficult.’ His eyes, when he turned to me, had that same haunted, hunted look I had seen back in my parents’ farmhouse months ago. ‘We’ve been given a day to review our actions. That’s why it’s so quiet. Everybody is too afraid to venture out now. I am only thankful that I did Koster a favour when he first arrived, giving up the names of some Russian spies that he was able to take to his commanding officer and claim as his own. He must think you’re harmless or he would never have let you in.’
‘What will happen to the ones who refuse?’ I said, rubbing my cold hands together to try to warm the feeling into them. Somehow I already knew.
Oskar’s mouth tightened. ‘Those who don’t comply with orders will be shot. Not everybody shares Jakob’s opinions anyway. It seems the arrival of the Germans has not brought out the best in everyone. There are men here – Estonian men – who were happy to volunteer to round up Jews and help build the execution site.’ He drew in a ragged breath. ‘I wouldn’t believe it if I’d not seen it with my own eyes. After everything we’ve been through. Everything that was done to us.’
I tried to swallow, to pull my eyes away from the wound that marred Jakob’s face. ‘We need to get Etti and Leelo away as quickly as possible,’ I said. ‘Technically they’re not Jewish, but the Germans will still come for them. And Lydia—’ I looked across at her, standing quietly beside my brother, the bloody cloth still clutched in her hand. Her skin was pallid. Raindrops shimmered in her dark hair like diamonds. ‘It’s not safe for her, either. If anyone discovers who she is, she will be arrested. If not worse.’
Fear flickered across my brother’s face. ‘We can’t let that happen.’ He reached up and gripped her hand, holding it tightly. The look of tenderness which passed between them was as intimate as a kiss.
Oskar said nothing. His hands along the windowsill were clenched. ‘This isn’t what I wanted,’ he said, almost as if he was talking to himself. ‘Swapping one enemy for another? This isn’t what we planned.’ His eyes blazed for a moment, but then his shoulders slumped. ‘There may be a way to get them out. I have a contact in Narva with a speedboat. He has started running people back and forth to Finland, then a truck takes them on to Sweden. But it’s slow going. And dangerous. Now that they’re watching us… well. It will be difficult to pass a message along to him. It will take time. We will have to give them the impression we are compliant. That we agree with what they’re doing.’
I looked away so that I would not have to see his face. ‘How can we do that?’
‘There are things we can do. Small acts of resistance that helped us fight the Russians. The underground press will have to start up again. We can find messengers to hand out fliers. Tell people about what is happening with the Jews. The Roma. The Estonian Russians. The Ostplan aims to eliminate all of them. We can put people into contact with smugglers, urge them to hide or escape while they can. But as for you and Etti…’ His eyes flicked to Lydia. ‘It will take time for me to secure passage. You will need to be stationed in Narva, ready to leave at any moment. I think it would be best if you went with them, Kati.’ He looked across at me, and I understood his reluctance.
He was afraid. Afraid that if we stayed, something terrible would happen, but if we went, he could not be nearby to help. This knowledge made my temples pulse. If Oskar was afraid, scared enough to send us on to Sweden, then whatever the Nazis had planned for Estonia must be terrible indeed. In that moment, I could almost feel the invisible plates shifting below my feet. All I could do was cling to the hope that we would be reunited when the horror was over.
‘What reason would we have to be in Narva?’ I said.
‘I can think of one.’ Jakob lifted his head. ‘The Germans are calling for volunteers to help at the textiles factory; Kreenholm. It’s on a small island right next to the city of Narva. Operations have stalled since the Russians left, but the Germans need uniforms. They’re asking women to travel there to help weave the cloth.’
‘But what about Leelo?’ Lydia asked. ‘We can’t leave her behind!’
‘No,’ replied Jakob. ‘I was told there is a nanny to take care of children while women work.’
Oskar took my hand. I could feel his fingers but inside I was numb. ‘It will be dangerous there. It’s close to the border. The bombing will be worse. But that’s why my contact chose it. The constant bombing means the river goes unguarded at night. It wouldn’t be for long; we would get you out as soon as we could.’
‘Narva.’ I tested the word. I had never travelled there; indeed, I had never travelled anywhere apart from Tallinn a few hours away.