Funny how one of the worst days of my life could quickly turn into one of the best.
I spooned sugar into my cup. “Where’s Brody?”
“Down at the bank working out the loan details. Then he’s going to work.”
“He’s not coming back?”
“Not till his shift ends, probably. Why?”
“I was thinking. When Aiden wakes up, why don’t we take him down to the petting zoo in Crawford? He’d like that. My mom and dad used to take me there when I was little.”
“It’s closed, Jay,” she said, rather coolly. “Closed down years ago. And even if it hadn’t, it wouldn’t be open in the winter.”
“Oh.” Hadn’t thought about that. “How about, like, the Chuck E. Cheese in Pittsfield, then? It’ll be fun. We could get a pizza and let him play in the ball pit. He likes pizza.”
“What are you doing?”
“What do you mean?”
Jenny shot up and snatched my coffee, even though I hadn’t taken a sip yet, and brought it to the sink. “You can’t take me on a date, Jay. I’m not your girl anymore.”
“I know,” I said, “but we’re still Aiden’s parents, and… what about what happened in there?” I practically whispered it, though I don’t know why.
“What about it?” she said, now as icy as last night’s storm.
I pulled my cigarettes.
“You can’t smoke in here. It’s bad for Aiden.”
“Why are you acting like this?”
“Like what?”
“All cold and distant. Five minutes ago, I was inside you, and now you’re acting like…”
“Like what?”
Jenny’s eyes narrowed, mean, the way they did before she unleashed a torrent, only she pulled up this time. She’d balled her little fists and was ready to let go on me. But she stopped. Christ, I’d never understand women.
“What’s going on with you, Jay?” She said it so still and perfectly calm.
“With me? You’re the one who jumped me back there, and now you’re acting like you don’t know me.”
“I can’t do this,” she said.
“Do what?”
“This!” Jenny shook her head side to side, as if she had to work to keep the thoughts from getting too comfortable in there. “Nothing’s different, Jay. That… was… nice.”
“Nice?”
“Yes, but it doesn’t change anything. My boyfriend is down at the mortgage broker’s getting us a loan on a house, and we’re going to move to Rutland, because that is what is best for my son. Just because you’re all screwed up in the head over your brother and feeling lonely-”
“I’m not screwed up in the head over my brother-Okay. Maybe I am, a little bit. But not for the reasons you think. And I’m not saying these things because I’m lonely.” I got up and moved toward her.
“Don’t.”
“Why? I want to be with you. I fucked up some shit, I know. Didn’t give you everything I had, and I’m sorry, but I’ll do better this time, Jenny.”
I kept moving toward her, and she kept backing up.
“Stop,” she said, now pressed against the counter. I tried to move in to kiss her again, but she wouldn’t let me, kept turning her head, pushing me off. “I mean it, Jay.”
“I know you still love me too.”
“We have a child.”
“Don’t give me that. That’s not how you still love me. You still love me like you did back there. Don’t you think I felt it? You can’t fake that.”
“It doesn’t matter if I do.” She strained to push me away, but I didn’t give an inch. “Stop it.” She stared out the window, through the open blinds. “People can see in here. Please. Move.”
I looked out the window. The streets were barren and white.
“No one can see anything.”
“Let me go. I mean it.”
I had begun to back off when a key turned in the tumbler and the door shoved open. The two of us froze like deer on the Turnpike, right before they get flattened by a big rig. Brody kept his hand on the door handle, mean mugging our way.
“What are you doing here?” Jenny asked.
Brody yanked the key out of the lock, glowering at me. He tossed his giant, clanking ring on the table. “I live here?” He made for the fridge, snagged a beer, and slammed the door. “What’s he doing here?” Brody didn’t turn to look at me as he asked. Using the countertop, he popped off the bottle top and chugged his beer.
Jenny spun around to the sink and ran the water. “Jay stopped by to see Aiden.”
“That so,” Brody said, slipping off his leather jacket, which, although faded and worn, was probably the nicest he owned. Underneath, he was wearing what he probably considered to be dress clothes, meaning not his usual jeans and T-shirt. He looked ridiculous in Dockers and motorcycle boots. Brody must’ve felt self-conscious, because he immediately tugged off the collared golf shirt, leaving only a wifebeater and torso covered in ink.
“I thought you were going to work from the bank,” Jenny said, water still running, back still to him. “How’d it go, by the way?”
Brody smoldered by the fridge. He eyeballed me as he answered her question. “How’d it go? Fucking bank says we can’t get a loan!”
I hadn’t said a word since Brody had gotten home, and I didn’t want to be there for this conversation.
“Give Aiden a kiss for me when he gets up,” I said, and went to retrieve my coat from the back of the chair, but Brody hooked the chair with his foot, pulling it toward him, out of my reach.
“Don’t leave on my account, Jay,” Brody said. “Have a seat. I obviously interrupted something.” He spread his arms in a magnanimous gesture, alternating his stare between Jenny and me. “Please, go on.”
“Nothing left to talk about,” I said.
“You sure? How goes the hunt for your faggot brother?”
“What’d you say?”
Brody pulled out his cigarettes, extracting one with his teeth.
“You know I don’t want anyone smoking in here,” Jenny said.
Brody lit up anyway. “Fucking bank says I can’t buy a house. Better believe I’m smoking in the fucking apartment I rent.”
Jenny slid open the window and a cold gust blew in.
“Yeah, Jenny was telling me about your faggot brother,” Brody said. “Blowing dirty trucker dick down at the TC. That’s gotta suck.” Brody snickered. “No pun intended.”
I lunged and snagged my coat. I could see where this was headed.
“Y’know, everyone in Ashton knows he killed your parents, that’s been going around for years. But finding out your own brother, the one you used to look up to, is a whore as well?” Brody looked at Jenny. “I’ll be glad when the cops pick up his sorry ass. I wouldn’t want someone like that around my son.”
“Okay, Brody,” I said. “I get it. You’re having a bad day. Sucks about the loan.”
“What the fuck would you know about it, huh, junk man?”
“Brody, why don’t you go to work?” Jenny pleaded.
“Why don’t you shut the fuck up?” Brody said, swilling some more beer.
The open window chilled the apartment and the heater kicked on, a loud thrumming, droning beneath the floor.
We’d passed the point where I could walk out now. I sure as shit wasn’t leaving Jenny and my son with this guy, not the way he was acting.
I dropped the coat. “I think I will stay.”
“Terrific!” said Brody. “What do you want to talk about?”
“How about the Commanderoes?”
Brody set the beer on the counter and stepped up hard. “Excuse me?”
“The motorcycle gang you were in.” I pointed at the big panther tattoo on his arm, the one that looked like a hastily done cover-up. “That’s their insignia, right?” It was easy to see how a flaming wing and a gun would fit underneath.