“All the world, hmmm.” I thought. “And you said, ‘again.’ By that you mean the thing has been flesh before?”
“It was something before which it is not now, but what it was, I can’t rightly tell you. I think it was a creature fallen, damned to suffer intelligence and loneliness in a vaporish form! And it would end the sentence. Through us it wants a strong witch, who can be as the Virgin Mary was to Christ, the vessel of an Incarnation.”
I pondered all this. “It’s no devil,” I said.
“And why do you say that?” she asked again, as if we hadn’t discussed this before.
“Because,” I said, “the Devil has more important things to do if he exists at all, and on the point of his existence at all I am not certain.”
“Where did you get an idea there was no Devil?”
“Rousseau,” I said. “His philosophy argues that the worst evil is in man.”
“Well,” she said, “read some more before you make up your mind.”
And that was the end of that part of it.
But before she died, which was not so long after that at all, she told me many things about this spirit. It killed through fright mostly. In the form of a man, it startled coachmen and riders at night, causing them to veer off the road and into the swamps; and sometimes it even frighted the horses as well as the men, which was proof that it was indeed material.
It could be sent to stalk a mortal man or woman, and tell in its own childish way what that person had done all the livelong day, but one had to interpret its peculiar expressions carefully.
It could steal, of course, small things mostly, though sometimes whole banknotes for considerable amounts. And it could come into mortals for a bit of time, to see through their eyes and feel through their hands, but this was never long-lasting. Indeed the battle left it fatigued and often more tormented than it had been before, and it oftentimes killed whom it had possessed out of sheer rage and envy. This meant one had to be very careful in helping it with such tricks, for the innocent body used for such purposes might very well be destroyed after.
Such had happened to one of Marie Claudette’s nephews, she told me-one of my very own cousins-before she had learnt to control the thing and make it obey or starve it with silence and covering her eyes and pretending not to hear it. “It is not so hard to torture at times,” she said. “It feels, and it forgets, and it weeps. I don’t envy it.”
“Me neither,” I said aloud and she said:
“Never scorn it. It will hate you for that. Look away always when you see it.”
Like hell, I thought, but I didn’t confess it.
It wasn’t more than a month after that that she died.
I was out in the swamps with Octavius. We had run away to live in the wild like Robinson Crusoe. We had docked our little flat-bottomed boat and had made a camp, and while he gathered wood I tried to make fire with what we already had, and was having no success at it.
When suddenly, the kindling in my hand leapt into flames, and I looked up and what should I see but Marie Claudette, my beloved grandmother, only looking more splendid and vigorous than she ever had in old age, with full, rosy cheeks and a beautiful soft mouth. She picked me up off the ground, kissed me and then set me down, and she was gone. Like that. And the little fire was blazing.
I knew what it meant. Farewell. She was dead. I insisted we go back to Riverbend immediately. And as we drew closer and closer to the house, we came into a heavy storm, and had, at last, to run through the water, against a fierce wind filled with leaves and debris and even sharp stones, until we came to the gates, and the slaves ran to shelter us with blankets.
Marie Claudette was indeed dead, and when I sobbed and told my mother how I knew, I think for the very first time in her life, she actually saw me. I had been a cuddly thing, of course, but in that moment, she spoke to me not as one does to a dog or a child, but as to a human being.
“You saw her and she gave you her kiss,” she said.
And then right there in the sickroom, with everyone sobbing and the shutters banging in the wind, and the priest in a state of terror, the damned fiend appeared over my mother’s shoulder, and our eyes met, and his were soft with a plea, and filled with tears for me to see, and then of course, like that, he vanished.
That’s the way my own tale will end, don’t you think? You will tell the final words. “Then Julien vanished.” And where will I be? Where will I go? Was I in heaven before you called me here, or in hell? I am so weary I don’t care anymore and that is perhaps a blessing.
But to return to that long-ago noisy moment when the rain was blowing in, and my grandmother lay neat and small on the bed beneath layers of pretty lace and my mother, gaunt and dark-haired, stared at me, and the fiend behind took the form of a handsome man, and little Katherine cried in the cradle-it was the beginning of my true life as my mother’s cohort.
First, after the funeral and the burial in the parish cemetery-we Catholics never had cemeteries on our own land, but only in consecrated ground-my mother went mad. And I was the only witness.
Halfway up the stairs, coming home from the graveyard, she began to scream, and I rushed behind her into her room before she bolted the doors to the gallery. Then she gave one aching cry after another. All this was grief for her mother, and what she had not done, and had not said, but then it passed from grief into great wild anger.
Why could this spirit not prevent death? “Lasher, Lasher, Lasher.” She caught up the feather pillows from the bed and ripped the cloth and strewed the feathers everywhere. If you’ve never seen such a spectacle, you might rip up such a pillow and give it a try. There isn’t anything quite like it, and she tore up three pillows in her rage, and soon the entire air was full of feathers and in the midst of them she screamed, and looked more miserable and forlorn than any being I have ever beheld in all my little life, and soon I began to weep helplessly.
She held tight to me; she begged my forgiveness that she’d shown me such a sight. We lay down together and finally she cried herself to sleep, and the night descended upon the plantation, which, in those days of precious few oil lamps and candles, brought everything to an early halt, and finally only silence.
It must have been past midnight when I awoke. I don’t recall the face of the clock; only the feeling of deep night, and that it was spring and that I wanted to push through the netting which surrounded our bed and walk outside and talk to the moon and stars for a while.
Well, I managed to sit up and there before me was the thing itself, sitting on the side of the bed, and it reached out its white hand for me. I did not scream. There was no time. For all at once I felt the stroke of its fingers on my cheek and it felt good to me. Then it seemed the air around me made a caress, and the thing, having dissolved, was kissing me with invisible lips and touching me and filling my body with whatever pleasure it could feel at so young an age, which, as you probably remember, was something!
After it was finished with me, and I lay there, a little puddle of baby juice beside my mother’s sleeping body, I saw it materialize again, this being, standing by the window. I climbed out of bed, weak and confused by the pleasure I’d felt, and went towards it. I reached out to take its hand, which dangled at its side like a man’s hand, and then it looked down at me and gave me its most tearful gaze and together we pushed the window netting aside and went out on the gallery.
It seemed to me that it trembled in the light, that it vanished some three or four times only to reappear, and then it died away, leaving the air very warm behind it. I stood in the warmth and I heard its voice for the first time in my head, its private confiding voice: