By now they had reached the bus shelter on Broadway. The bench inside was filled. He said “Should I ask someone to get up so you can sit?”
“I’m fine,” she said. “Standing’s good for me too. So what did you end up doing the next summer?”
“I got a job as a busboy at Grossinger’s. I told them I was eighteen, and being a big kid, they believed me. And I guess they weren’t that choosy for such a job. The summer after that, I was legitimately eighteen and in college, and worked as a waiter and made a bundle.”
“You never went back to your camp?”
“No. I guess I went where the money was and where there was more potential for work.”
“So you didn’t even try to be a guest waiter at your camp?”
“I don’t remember. Probably not. The busboy job came up and I was told if I did well at it there’d be a good chance for a waiter’s job the next summer and also during the Jewish holidays, which was when you really cleaned up.”
“It seems, then, that you and this girl weren’t meant to get together,” she said. “I mean, if you truly wanted it to happen, you would have gone back to your camp as a guest waiter, if you could get the job — made, I would think, about as much as you would as a busboy at Grossinger’s — and in some way sought out the girl.”
“How? By just going to her camp and looking for her? Or playing on the softball team again against her camp’s team, if there was going to be a rematch, and hoping she’d be there? I don’t even know if a guest waiter was allowed to play on the camper-waiter’s team.”
“Then by trying to get a job at her camp as a guest waiter, if they had them.”
“I never thought of that,” he said. “And it’s getting a bit farfetched. Because what were the chances of her returning there? Good? Only so-so? I don’t know. And by then she might have had a boyfriend, if she already didn’t when I first saw her. And I’d lost some of my interest in her, which would have been natural, or had become in one year more of a realist. Something. Maybe all those. By the way, what I also never told you is that when I first saw you at the party we met at, but before I went over to introduce myself, I actually thought for a few moments you might be her.”
“But you never asked me if I went to a camp in Pennsylvania when I was a girl. And she has to be considerably older than I. Ten years.”
“I thought her looks might have stayed that young. It’s possible. Forty could look thirty. But it was just something that flashed through my mind then, or whatever it did, and I quickly knew was impossible. But I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“Sure you should have,” she said. “And long before. It’s interesting. And if this girl was instrumental in being the prototype for the women you were later attracted to—”
“Her expressions too. Just by her face she seemed very bright and cheerful and self-contained, as I think I said, and mature. So it wasn’t just her good looks that first attracted me to her, as it wasn’t with you.”
“I’m glad. And what I started to say was that I’m grateful to her, if she was even remotely responsible for you being drawn to me at that party. You came over, we got to talking, found we had lots in common, started seeing each other, married, and the rest.”
“So it all doesn’t sound too silly to you?”
“Not at all.”
He stepped out into the street and saw their bus coming. “There’s our bus.”
“Good,” she said. “I’m getting tired.”
“It looks crowded. If all the seats are taken, would it be all right with you if I ask someone to get up and give you his seat?”
“Yes, thanks. I could never ask anyone that myself.”
Talk
He hasn’t talked to anyone today. I haven’t talked to anyone today. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to. It’s not that he hasn’t wanted to talk to someone, but he just never had the chance to. He only realized he hasn’t talked to anyone today when he sat down on the bench he’s sitting on now. In front of the church across the street from his house. I like to sit on it after a long or not-so-long walk around my neighborhood. I usually take the same route. Almost always end up on the same bench. One of the benches in front of the entrance to the church. It’s now 6:45. Closer to 6:47. I haven’t talked to anyone today since I woke up more than twelve hours ago, rested in bed awhile, exercised in bed awhile, mostly his legs, and then got out of bed and washed up and so on. Did lots of things. Brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, dressed, took my pill, let the cat out, let the cat in, gave the cat food, changed its water, let the cat out again, made myself breakfast, ate, got the newspaper from outside before I made myself breakfast and ate, same things almost every morning soon after waking up, same breakfast, coffee and hot cereal and toast, maybe blueberry jam and butter on the toast every third or fourth day instead of butter and orange marmalade, same newspaper, different news but some of it the same, same cat, same water bowl for the cat, same kibble in a different bowl for the cat, same plate for the cat’s wet food and same wet food till the cat finishes the can in about three days. Then I shaved, did some exercises with two ten-pound barbells, one for each hand, curls, he thinks they’re called — the exercises — and so on. No one phoned. The classical music radio station was on when I shaved and exercised and after he was done exercising he turned the radio off. Then he sat at his work table in his bedroom. I could use one of the other two bedrooms in the house to work in or the study his wife used to work in, but I prefer this room, the master bedroom they used to call it to distinguish it from the other bedrooms, the room that was once their bedroom but is now only his since his wife died. She didn’t die in that room. She died in one of the other bedrooms. He had a hospital bed set up for her in that room more than a year before she died and she died in that bed. She was unconscious for twelve days in that bed before she died. Do I really want to go into all this again? Just finish it. She was lying on her back in a coma, when she opened her eyes, or her eyes opened on their own, and her head turned to where he was sitting on the right side of the bed and she died. He closed her eyes with his hand. Her eyes struggled to stay open and then, after he closed them a second and third time, they stayed permanently closed. The day after she died I had the hospital bed removed. He bought a new bed for that room a week or two later so his older daughter could sleep in that room again when she visited him. But I was thinking before about my not talking to anyone today. I haven’t. He hasn’t. Talked to anyone today. No opportunity to, as I said. He could have made the opportunity to, I suppose, but he didn’t. I didn’t go out of my way to talk to anyone today, he’s saying. He likes these kinds of conversations to happen naturally. He’ll be in the local food market, for instance — not to bump into people he knows from around the neighborhood or initiate small talk with employees behind the food or checkout counter or with shoppers he doesn’t know — but to buy things, mostly food for himself and his cat — and he’ll bump into someone he knows. Hi, hello, how are you? And so on. Maybe with someone whose hand he shakes, back or shoulder he pats, cheek, if it’s a woman, he kisses. Someone who most of the time stops his or her shopping to talk to me, and whom I like to talk to too. Am I being clear? He thinks so. Anyway: that didn’t happen today. It’s happened plenty of times in the almost twenty years he’s lived in the house and been going to that market. But I didn’t go to that market today. No market, and he rarely sees anyone he knows at any other market. He did, after writing in his bedroom for about three hours, go to the Y to work out. I often see someone I know from the Y in the fitness room, or whatever that room with all the resistance machines, he thinks they are, is called. Fitness center. I should remember that by now. Fitness center. Fitness center. And sometimes he sees two or three people there he only knows from the Y and have a brief conversation with them or just say “Hi” or “Hello” or “How you doing?” to. And he has, in the local market a few times — the one he almost always goes to because it’s so close and the prices aren’t that much higher than the big chains and they get you out fast because they have lots of working checkout counters for a store its size and just about all the checkout clerks know him — bumped into people he knows only from the Y and chatted with them. Though for the most part these chats are shorter than the ones he might have with the same people in the Y, and one or the other of them will usually say something like “Funny to see you here after seeing you so many times in the Y” or “I almost didn’t recognize you out of your gym clothes.” As for the weight room in the Y, which is right next to the fitness center, he has fewer conversations there than he does with people in the fitness center, since there are much fewer people working out in it. They also seem more serious and involved in their workouts. But he’s still had a few conversations there when both he and the other person working out took a minute-or-so break from the weights and were standing close enough to talk to each other. Like one a few days ago. “I always see you with a book. What are you reading now?” this person asked him, or said something like it: a man; very few women work out in the weight room. Someone he’d seen several times before in both rooms but never spoke with or even said “Hi” to but might have smiled or nodded at. He held up the book so the man could see the cover. “