I tried calling Maxx for the millionth time and again got his voice mail.
I was officially worried.
It had been a week since I had last heard from him. Since he had last told me he loved me and needed me.
I missed him.
With my head bowed down and my steps unhurried, I walked the two blocks back toward Longwood University.
I should have been devastated, but instead I was pissed. It was a misplaced emotion, but being angry made it easier to analyze what had become of my life.
Someone had ratted me out. And I had a good idea who it was.
Unfortunately for that person, I was boiling over by the time I reached campus and saw him immediately.
“Brooks!” I called out. He was walking down a path with Charlotte, the girl he had been with at Compulsion. I had seen them together around campus and wondered if they were dating now.
I couldn’t care less about the state of his love life. I was feeling hurt and betrayed and ready to give him a piece of my mind.
He looked up and gave me a hesitant wave. Charlotte said something, and he nodded. I knew I was the topic of that particular conversation.
I hated to think that my onetime good friend was bitter enough to go behind my back and talk to Kristie. I didn’t want to think it was true, that our friendship had deteriorated to such a degree. But he was the only person who had been aware of my relationship with Maxx and had been so vehement in his disapproval. Renee would never have done this. That left only Brooks.
Brooks stopped walking and waited for me to catch up. He said something to Charlotte, who gave me a troubled look before hurrying off.
He seemed tentative and unsure, with good reason. And when he got a look at my face, he knew I was mad. He just didn’t realize how much.
“How could you?” I bit out.
Brooks frowned. “How could I what?” he asked, doing a good job of playing dumb.
“I had no idea you could be so callous. So cruel. I’m standing in front of you, Brooks, no need to put a knife in my back when I’m turned away. Do it where I can see you.”
Brooks looked perplexed and a little worried. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Aubrey.”
I laughed hatefully. “God, I’m such a moron to think our friendship would stop you from betraying me. I should have known trying to be friends with a guy I had really bad sex with would only end in disaster.”
Brooks flinched. “Why are you being like this?” he asked, and I tried to ignore the guilt I felt at seeing the pain in his eyes. But I was hurting. Because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.
“I know it was you who told Kristie. Don’t try to deny it.”
Brooks held his hands up. “Wait a second. Back up. Told Kristie what?”
I pointed my finger into his chest. “You told her about Maxx and me. Go ahead, lie to my face and say it wasn’t you! Are you that freaking jealous that you needed to mess with my life?” I yelled, not caring that my tirade was getting us a lot of attention.
Brooks, however, cast an embarrassed look around and tried to shush me. “Keep it down, Aubrey. God, why don’t you just announce to the entire campus your private business,” he mumbled.
“Oh, so now you’re worried about my privacy? Please, don’t treat me like I’m stupid. Not after what you did!”
Even in the middle of my outburst, there was a part of me questioning why I was doing this. Was it really Brooks’s fault that I was losing everything?
No.
Even if he had gone to Kristie and told her about my relationship with Maxx, I had made the choice to be with him in the first place.
Brooks laughed. “Are you serious?” he asked incredulously.
I glared at him. “I’m glad you think this is funny!” I scowled.
Brooks crossed his arms over his chest. “First of all, I didn’t tell anyone anything, but given how much you’ve fucked up your life, I probably should have. It’s what a friend would do,” he said harshly.
I opened my mouth to hurl some more nastiness, but he kept going.
“And second, how dare you stand there and blame anyone but yourself for the shit storm you’ve gotten yourself into. You”—he pointed at me—“made the choice to fuck around with the junkie. You”—he pointed at me again—“made the choice to not care about the consequences.”
He took a deep breath and looked sad. “It was you who threw away our friendship. It was you who gave up on yourself.” He walked around me, leaving me to stand there bewildered by the turn of our argument.
Brooks turned around just before he left. “Was it worth it?” he asked.
I had been asked that a lot lately.
Was it worth it?
Watching the man who had been one of my closest friends walk away from me and out of my life, I was beginning to wonder.
I spent Friday night with Renee. We watched movies and ate junk food. I hadn’t been able to tell her about what happened with Kristie. She was dealing with so much, no sense in adding more to her plate.
I was in the library most of Saturday, hoping schoolwork would keep my mind busy. For the first time in my life, it didn’t work. I hadn’t been able to concentrate. My thoughts were a jangled mess.
Finally, I gave up and returned home. Renee was asleep when I got back, so I thought I’d try to take a nap myself. But my mind wouldn’t shut off. I kept replaying the events of the last twenty-four hours over and over again.
How did things get messed up so quickly?
Finally, not able to lie in my bed any longer, I got up. I checked on Renee, but she was still asleep, clearly exhausted from her own drama.
I went into the kitchen and, as quietly as possible, made myself some pasta. It was Saturday night, and I wondered if Maxx was at Compulsion. I had a brief thought of getting dressed and going there to find him. But I quickly dismissed that idea.
I parked myself on the couch and turned on the television, hoping mindless reality TV would be just what I needed.
And then around ten-thirty my phone rang. I was so engrossed in feeling sorry for myself that I startled at the sound.
I looked down at the screen, and my heart leaped into my throat.
It was Maxx.
“Hello?” I said.
“There you are,” Maxx slurred, his words stringing together in a way that was barely understandable. I could hear the pounding of music in the background and knew he was at Compulsion.
“Why did you leave me?” Maxx sobbed into the phone, though it was hard for me to hear him. He sounded completely bombed out.
“Maxx, are you all right?” What a stupid question. He most certainly was not all right.
“I love you,” he cried, his words garbled, and then I heard a loud smack over the thumping music.
“Maxx!” I yelled into the phone, but he didn’t answer me.
The music continued to pound in my ear, but Maxx was gone.
“Maxx!” I screamed, and then I was cut off by the dial tone.
“You selfish fucking bastard!” I cried, immediately dialing his number.
It rang and rang and rang.
When his voice mail picked up, I hung up and tried again.
I called at least a half dozen more times before giving up.
Something was wrong. I recognized the sound of Maxx’s voice when he was high, but this was something different. Something more. I couldn’t stop thinking about how desolate he sounded. How lost.
Damn him!
I wrote a quick note to Renee, letting her know I’d be back in a bit, then grabbed my coat and keys with one destination in mind.
Compulsion.
Except I didn’t know where it was.
My plan just kept getting better and better.
I needed to find Maxx’s painting as quickly as possible.