A large gong was struck, and a rather dumpy 'Saturn' strode onto the stage, followed by the required number of extras. The traditional binding and unbinding took place, until finally Saturn decreed that the time for sowing was approaching, and once again the harvest would be good. Now was the time for wine and feasting. Io Saturnalia!
This was the signal for the masters to arise, and ensure that the traditional cake was distributed evenly amongst those slaves there. Each took their piece, and began eating. Suddenly there was a cry from one of the young female slaves. "I've got it! I've got it!" She waved around the small dark bean that had been embedded in her piece of cake. The discovery was quickly confirmed, and all waited.
Very solemnly she walked around those present, first amongst the masters, a move that fooled nobody, for she could never select one of them, then she walked amongst the slaves, waving the bean in front of faces, studying the faces, then moving on. This, in turn, fooled nobody. The slaves knew fine well who would be chosen, for it seemed this young woman had clear desires on one of the younger slaves who had managed to acquire a relatively prosperous peculium. They were correct. She finally came in front of the one slave she had not approached before; she curtsied and handed over the bean, thus appointing the Saturnalicus Princeps, the Lord of Misrule. Io Saturnalia!
As was customary, a "throne" was demanded, and produced, and the Princeps was dressed in truly lavish clothes. No luxury was withheld, for to do so invited the punishments of the Saturnalicus Princeps, not that these could be avoided.
He took his throne, surveyed the scene, looked at the young woman who had appointed him, then announced, to the surprise of nobody, that she would be his princess. Such an appointment, perforce, required another throne, which again had been anticipated and was quickly produced.
The Saturnalicus Princeps glanced at the slave again, and announced that her clothes were hardly suitable for a princess. He pointed at Vipsania, and ordered, "Dress her in your best clothes!"
Vipsania nodded. Io Saturnalia! She made off, and came back with a genuinely marvellous gown. She strode up towards the young woman when the Saturnalicus Princeps shook his head and ordered, "Her hair is unclean. Wash it!"
Vipsania nodded, gave the required, "Io Saturnalia!" and left to find some warm water. She was almost ready to start, when suddenly the young woman darted off, muttering something about needing better boots. Vipsania had to follow, but once she had found some suitable boots, and before she could get the young slave to try them on, once again the young girl darted off. It was not long before the point was made: if Vipsania wanted help with her appearance, the least she could do was sit still and be patient.
Meanwhile, the Saturnalicus Princeps pointed to her father, and informed him that that sculpture by the fireplace should be halfway up the stairs. With an "Io Saturnalia!" the sculpture was moved. The Saturnalicus Princeps then turned to Vipsania's mother, and noted that the sculpture really belonged nearer the main door. With an "Io Saturnalia!" the sculpture was once again moved. Then the Saturnalicus Princeps scolded Vipsania for having made no progress, and for having dribbled water all over the floor. That should be cleaned immediately, and why was it that such a simple task as hair washing could not be done. The message was clear: not only should she sit still, but her antics created a lot of other work for the slaves. Then, he pointed to the father, and pointed out that he was slack, because the sculpture could not be seen on the stairways. When it was moved again, to some mirth from the slaves, the mother was questioned. Again the message was clear: try to make up your minds what you want and stop giving contradictory orders.
These antics went on for a little while, but even the Saturnalicus Princeps knew there was a tomorrow, so he called a halt to such ridiculous goings on, and demanded wine for everybody. "Io Saturnalia!" Each goblet was filled by the masters, the slaves now drinking out of gold, the masters out of pottery. As he filled a goblet, the master would bow and state Io Saturnalia! If the slave felt his goblet was filled, and he had been treated well over the year, he would return the wish Io Saturnalia! Gaius made sure he filled the goblet for the young man who had collided with his cart. He was fairly certain that when the acts started, he would be the butt of something, so there was nothing like getting on the right side of his 'master' for the day. As he suspected, two denarii at least got him a warm Io Saturnalia!
The Saturnalicus Princeps then looked over the masters, and demanded that food preparation get underway. Dutifully, they picked themselves up to go to the kitchen, but this time some of the slaves came too. This was the one day of the year when they could eat the richest of the pickings, and they were not going to have this feast spoiled by inept cooks. And so while the necessary work was carried out by the masters, it was carried out under the very keen eyes of the cooks. By tradition, the slaves had to get their food before the masters, but in this case there was clearly no shortage of food.
A very prolonged feast followed, during which time certain acts were put on by slaves, which showed up some of what they had noticed through the year. The health of a household could be determined at this time: the better the masters were, the further the slaves felt they could go.
After a series of increasingly ribald scenes, the Saturnalicus Princeps leaped to his feet and demanded support for a clean day. The place, he noted, was beginning to bear some resemblance to a pigsty, and had to be cleaned. To many guffaws, a post was brought in for him to lean on, but Gaius noticed that the post was unusual in that it had something wound around it. In fact, it looked not unlike a gigantic model of one of his bolts, standing on its end. The Saturnalicus Princeps then stood as tall as he could, bearing in mind the post must have been taking most of his weight, and pointed to a slave and said, "Take that rock, take that feather, and teach me something, or else you will be cleaning these pigsties!"
As Gaius expected, the slave took a heavy rock and placed a feather on top of it. He then held the rock out, and dropped it, seemingly on his toe. To many more alcohol-induced guffaws, he began hopping around.
"And what have you learned?" the Saturnalicus Princeps demanded.
"The rock is heavier," came the lugubrious reply.
"Io Saturnalia!" the Saturnalicus Princeps exclaimed, as most of the audience made various humorous gestures towards Gaius. "We shall spare you the dreaded pigsties!"
"Thank you, Princeps!" the slave said, still hopping. By now the alcohol was causing him to lose some control over his hopping, and he collided with a cushion. With a deal of arm waving he flopped down almost beside one of the female slaves, who then threw a cushion over his head, and a minor wrestling match between them commenced.
"So much for keeping it clean," the Saturnalicus Princeps shook his head, then after some thought, he called, "Bring me a robe!"
This was somewhat unusual. As the evening drew on the slaves usually took the opportunity to remove clothes, usually, as appeared to be happening with the couple wrestling in the corner, from members of the other sex. Nevertheless, a large red robe was brought on. He put it on, and Gaius could not help noticing that it looked suspiciously like an attempt to represent a Legate's robe.