This time of night, the trees thick around them, the moon and stars weren’t nearly as bright, and the Buick’s headlights burned a path into the thickening darkness.
They eventually came to a road leading deeper into the park. There was a chain blocking access, and a sign stating what the park hours were and that there was no trespassing.
Eli stopped in front of the chain, extinguished the headlights, and glanced at John in the back.
“Can you move the chain for us?”
John issued an irritated sigh and stepped out of the car and hurried over to the chain. He unlatched one end and took it over to the other end and waited until Eli had driven forward, and then he went and latched the chain to its post again and climbed back into the car.
“If some park ranger ends up interrogating me,” John said, “I’m pointing the finger at you.”
They continued, slower now with only the parking lights to guide their way. The darkness here was even thicker, and a few times the Buick’s tires veered toward the edge of the drive onto the loose gravel and dirt, forcing Eli to readjust. Finally they arrived at a small parking lot, a pair of pavilions standing up on a slight hill, a swing set and slide and other playground equipment stationed off to the side.
Eli parked in front of the playground and turned off the ignition. Here the silence was just as thick as the dark, if not thicker. They listened to the engine tick.
“So,” John said, drawing out the syllable, “should I even bother asking?”
Eli didn’t speak, but his face was tilted toward Ashley. She blinked, her soul or spirit or whatever having returned to its place within her skin, and noticed his gaze was fixed on the glove compartment. With a gesture, he asked, “Mind opening that?”
She clicked it open, a soft light inside illuminating an owner’s manual, a folding map, a small flashlight, and a pack of cigarettes.
“Ah, good,” Eli said. “I was hoping I hadn’t taken those out. Mind handing me the pack?”
They were Parliaments. She handed them to Melissa’s father, who immediately tore off the cellophane wrapping and opened the box and slid out a single cigarette. He went to close the box, paused, and offered it back to her.
“Care for one?”
Ashley, always a social smoker, had felt the sudden craving for nicotine the moment her eyes alighted on the pack in the glove compartment. The need was strong, especially after today, but for some reason she found herself shaking her head.
“Suit yourself.” He glanced in the back. “Mind letting me borrow the lighter?”
“You can have it,” John said, placing a gold-plated lighter in his father’s hand.
“Just want to borrow it, that’s all.”
Eli stepped outside and closed his door and stood against the car, attempting to light the cigarette. He couldn’t seem to get the lighter to work at first and kept shaking it until finally it produced a small flame.
The silence inside the Buick continued. She had the feeling John wanted to say something, maybe a quip to try to relieve the situation, but he didn’t speak. She could hear him breathing. She could hear herself breathing and held her breath, worried it was too loud. Finally that craving become too much and she took a cigarette from the pack Eli had set on the console and opened her door.
John opened his door as she was shutting hers. She didn’t wait for him as she circled the car and met Eli on the other side. He didn’t need any verbal prompt and already had the lighter out, ready for her. Again it wouldn’t light on the first try and he had to shake it a few times before he finally managed to produce enough of a flame so she could get the smoke started.
John came around the car from the rear, slowly, his hands in his pockets. The temperature was still cold but she didn’t feel it as much as before. Maybe it was the cigarette. Maybe it was just that she still felt numb to the whole situation.
“Thanks,” Eli said, holding the lighter out to his son.
John kept his hands in his pockets. “I told you, I don’t smoke.”
“I know.”
“I don’t need the lighter.”
“But I want you to have it.”
“Why?”
“I told you, it’s my lucky lighter.”
“And what is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you take it and put it in your pocket to humor your old man.”
John didn’t look like he was going to budge. Then, finally, he withdrew a hand and took the lighter from Eli and stuffed it in his pocket.
Despite Eli’s head start on her, Ashley finished her cigarette first. She retrieved another from the car and this time had to have John try to use the lighter. Unlike his father, he was successful the first time around. They stood there then in silence, the soft wind rustling the tops of the trees, insects chirping in the leaves and bushes. Ashley eyed the playground and broke away from their small silent group, her shoes crunching the grass until she reached the mulch. She went straight to the swing set, lowered herself onto one of the swings, the rubber seat freezing.
She wasn’t quite sure why she had decided to leave the group. Obviously it was temporary. Whatever was going on, she knew it was unlikely she would be leaving these two any time soon. By now she had accepted the fact that Jeff was indeed dead, and that in many ways it was her fault. She had accepted that she might never return to her apartment, that she might never see Rex again. She wondered how long he would fare without her giving him new food and water. He was a resourceful cat, but he was still a cat, and there were limitations that she knew he would not be able to overcome.
Ashley was so lost in her thoughts, staring out at the dark trees, that she wasn’t aware John had approached until he cleared his throat.
“Mind if I join you?”
She took a deep drag on the cigarette and shook her head.
He sat on the swing beside her, his hands first wrapping around the chains and then letting go. “Damn, that’s cold.”
Ashley said nothing. She saw Eli had gotten back into the Buick.
John said, “You want to hear something pathetic? I don’t think I’ve ever swung on one of these before. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen people do it a bunch of times, but I can’t remember a time when I actually sat down to do it myself, even when I was a kid.”
“You don’t like your father much, do you?”
“Not really. He and I have never had what you would call a loving relationship.”
“What happened?”
“What do you mean?”
“What happened between you two?”
“He was never around. For as long as I can remember, he was just never there. Him or my mom. They put us in boarding school when we were little, but not all of us in the same schools. They split us up for some reason. On holidays we sometimes saw our mother, but that was it. We never saw our father, so when we did you can imagine how little love we had for him.”
“Melissa said he killed himself.”
“That’s what I heard, too.”
“But obviously he didn’t.”
“Doesn’t appear that way, no. How close were you to my sister?”
Ashley drew the last puff and dropped the cigarette on the mulch. “Like I told you, we were best friends.”
“Melissa was a good sister. I wish I had been nicer to her.”
“When was the last time you talked to her?”
“To be honest, I can’t remember.”
“Did you lie to me before, back at the bookstore?”
“What do you mean?”
“The email.”
He hesitated a beat, then nodded.
She asked, “How bad was it?”
He had been moving back and forth slightly on the swing but now stopped and really looked at her for the first time.
“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “It was all a lie.”
• • •
They waited for another two hours-already well past midnight-before a car materialized out of the darkness.
Eli had run the engine on and off to keep the heater going. He and Ashley had since taken another two smoke breaks. John had joined them because he had the lighter but he didn’t speak. Neither did Eli. Neither did Ashley. Somehow they had come to the simple conclusion that now was not the time to ask and answer questions. That time would come. None of them knew when, probably not even Eli, but at some point soon.