“I wonder what Arkin will read into that,” he thought. But at the same time, where was Kovos? Sasha’s lips were moving. She was so close he could see little specks of brown and hazel in her eyes. He knew everyone had little flecks of color in their eyes, but you needed to be really close to see them. She needed to back off. The sound coming from her lips was just murmuring. He tried to read them. He thought she was asking if he could hear her. Arkin’s lips moved, saying something to the effect of “His brain is coming back up one piece at a time. Give it a moment.” What did he mean his brain was coming back up?
What was that smell? It was Sara. She smelled like blood, sweat, and dirt, but there was a hint of something sweet, too. What was it? He smelled the others too; maybe this was a dream. You can’t smell people like that, can you? Then, finally, sound clicked back in- a lot of sound. Not only could he hear those around him, but also birds, flies, and a bunch of little things he was sure were in the ground.
“Are you back? Can you hear me?” Sasha asked, placing her hand on him. He could feel her pulse through her hand even with his shirt on. It wasn’t a dream. He was an Elf. He sat bolt upright.
“Kovos?”
He looked around from face to face, trying to hear, see, or smell. That couldn’t have happened. He wasn’t dead. He was… He knew. He remembered everything. He brought his knees up to his chest. There were tears in the other’s eyes now, no one excluded.
“He’s gone, Legon,” Keither said, choking.
All this pain was for him. It was his doing. If he hadn’t let them come…There was only one thing for it. Remembering back to when he met Sara in Salez, he reached out to the others. Not to their conscious minds, but to a deeper part, accessing them in a way that could not easily be blocked. He found pain there. He pulled at the last day’s worth, absorbing it in himself. He felt the loss of a brother, of a friend, and an overwhelming fear that connected it all together. All these emotions and more flooded in. All of them were near the point of insanity, if even just for a short time. The mind had its limits, and they were near theirs. At first they resisted him, but it was so easy to let go of pain when another was willing to take it from you. Eventually they stopped trying. It was immense but somehow bearable, as if this was something he was born to do.
Arkin had said that Venefica had specialties that showed themselves when they hit a class four or five. One was that of healing. Being able to take another’s pain was a gift of the healer. The magic allowed them to take on pain and suffering without destroying themselves. Still, taking this on and still shielding his sanity strained his magic. Eventually the pain would crush the Venefica and they would let go.
Legon didn’t want to be protected by the magic. He wanted to feel it, wanted to know the damage it caused. He let the walls down, letting it flood over him. He felt scared. It was too much. This was stupid. Why did this have to happen? Why did there have to be so much suffering in this life? Was that all life was?
His body was shaking with sobs of fear and pain of all kinds. He had opened the link with the others too far. He’d been warned of this; he could lose his mind.
Darkness shrouded him as all light turned to dark and the litany rang in his head, for it was a litany he realized; it was more than a script that one recited. It was truth and hope.
Fear is the blinder. I am the light and master of sight. I will master my fear and never again see night. I will become the dark and the light, my fear will pass through me, and I will stand alone in the light.
He repeated it again and again in his mind. It was fear that he faced. He saw that now, but to face fear he must leave the light. He let the darkness of pain and thought flow through him, letting it saturate his mind and body. Leaving the others behind, going on a journey that no one else could take with or for him, he was the darkness. He wanted to die but the litany brought him back. He saw a pinprick of light. It expanded and he felt heat from it. Soon the dark was light. The fear was gone but the pain remained as it should, as a reminder. No longer would he be afraid of it. Pain was part of life. Without it there could be no happiness. With this realization he found peace. He would not feel pain and sorrow to the point of no return; it could only destroy him if he permitted it.
Sara felt her body relax as her burdens of the last day left her. This time the void they left was not replaced with love and kindness like before. She would have to fill the void on her own. The pain in her arm left her and she had a feeling of euphoria. It was difficult to feel distressed because when she did, it left her and went to Legon. She did not want to increase his suffering, so she focused instead on the present and the break that she was receiving from her pain. She was grateful for what she had been given. She had experienced many trials, but she’d been given a lot too.
She didn’t notice time go by as she knelt next to her Everser Vald. She looked at her situation with a new perspective, one that was not filled with doubt and hopelessness. Gradually the pain in her arm returned, along with all of the rest of it. But now from her reprieve she knew what she was to replace the suffering with. She still felt stress and anxiety, but now she tried to see the two perspectives separately. Adding them together, she came up with a new one, one that was her choice, one that didn’t discount the bad but pushed her to the good.
Legon sat quietly with his eyes closed. He was breathing deeply. She and the others waited patiently.
Soon he opened his eyes. They were different. She saw them in incredible detail, etching the image in her memory forever. She locked eyes with him, and she attempted to look into his soul to unravel the mysteries of the Everser Vald, but the answers didn’t come. Still, the eyes were different, not just in physical appearance but in substance. There was… more behind them now. Was that from being an Elf, or from what he had done?
She looked away. She wasn’t worthy of holding his gaze, not after all that he had done for her and what he would do for them all. It wasn’t that he was deity or a prophet. No, it was rather what he was destined to do that made her feel a sense of awe. She also now knew his lineage, but Arkin wouldn’t reveal that, nor would she. That was the Elves’ place.
Legon looked around the circle and Sara followed his gaze. Arkin was looking down, but not at him or anything else, judging by the look in his eyes. Keither was looking at him, not believing what he was seeing. Here was one that looked at the world through logic, Sara thought, but magic was still beyond him. Sasha had great tears running down her cheeks now. Sara knew that they sprung from happiness. Her brother was free of growing old and dying. She wouldn’t have to know the pain of losing him. Sara would have to look at Sasha differently as well. Legon spoke to her then.
She was caught off guard by a finger under her chin, guiding her face. No more was this the rough hand of a butcher, but the soft tender hand of the healer. He looked her in the eyes, not letting her look away.
“What are you thinking, Sara?”
What an odd question, but this whole scene was odd. There was a reverence to it that wasn’t appropriate for the mourning of a friend and loved one.
Her throat caught as she spoke.
“ U n Prosa,” she said, using what she knew of the old tongue. Her head jerked from his hand as she looked down. She could just see his face. He paused, looking curiously at her.
“Why do you look away from me?” He was hurt, but that wasn’t the intent. Arkin answered for her.
“She means no disrespect. In fact, she respects you very deeply, but I am afraid that she knows more about you than you do.”