“Who’s it from?” he quietly asks. The cold air whooshes into the cabin from the open front door. Grant hasn’t moved an inch, his hand still resting on the doorknob.
“Your…it’s from your…Mom,” I stutter, embarrassed that I put us in this awkward situation. “I’m sorry,” I apologize again.
He says nothing, but finally shuts the door before slowly walking my way. As he nears me, I see the anguish that fills his beautiful blue eyes. I don’t know if he’s going to hug me, kiss me, or slap me. But when he reaches my chair, his feet stand alongside mine and he gently takes the letter out of my hand.
“So, I guess I have no choice but to tell you now.” He places the letter on the table and grabs my hand, the warmth of his touch making me believe that it’ll be okay.
“If you’re not ready, you don’t have to tell me, Grant. I wasn’t trying to find answers…” I continue talking until he places his finger on my lips.
“It’s time,” he sighs, and I can’t ignore the feeling in my gut that I’m forcing him to share with me. “You already know my mom died when I was fourteen. Well, she left a box of letters for me to read during specific milestones in my life. I don’t know what that one entails,” he says, pointing to the letter. “I thought it was from Mrs. Fletcher, but when I saw your face, I knew it was another letter from my mom.” He carefully pulls it out, reading the letter to himself before placing it back down on the table. “Does it scare you?” he softly asks.
“Does what?”
“The fact that a dead woman predicted that I would bring only one girl up here, and that she wants me to make my home here with her,” He says, his face serious.
“Am I the first?” I ask, my voice shaking because I’m hoping I am.
“And only,” he reveals.
“No, it doesn’t scare me,” I say, and a small smile graces my lips.
“Good.” His lips turn up in a wide smile. “It’s amazing how right my mom has been in the letters she left me. I only have a few left so I’m happy she surprised me with this one.” Although his smile appears genuine, there’s something there underneath it. He’s hiding more, but I have to decide how much to push. Not wanting to upset him, I decide to let it go for now.
“She sounds like a wise woman,” I say and he nods his head.
“She was.” He stands up and starts clearing the dishes, but I grab them from him.
“I’m sorry, Grant,” I tell him, praying he hears the sincerity in my voice.
“I know…everyone is. It’s hard losing a parent. God, I lost both,” he says and I scrunch my eyes in confusion.
“You still have your Dad,” I mention.
“No, he’s just a bankroller for school. He’s most definitely not a parent,” he says, his voice angry with a hint of sadness.
“It’s never too late,” I say, placing my hand on his shoulder. When he turns around, his eyes are distant and cold.
“It’s over, Jessa. Please, don’t try to mend my relationship with my father. I’m at peace with the fact that I don’t have parents.” The finality of the conversation hits me when he walks into the other room and turns the television on.
After I wash the dishes, I make my way over to him and sit on the couch. He reaches for my hand and I let him grasp it in his. I love how his large hand consumes my smaller one. Pulling on it, I follow his lead and shift closer to him. “I’m sorry,” he says, shaking his head back and forth. “I didn’t mean to be an ass, it’s just that my dad’s an asshole, and I won’t waste my time on him.” He leans over and kisses me, and I let his lips graze over mine. “Please don’t let him ruin this,” he murmurs and I nod my head, remaining silent.
Chapter 13
Grant
I never told Jessa that when I opened the cabin door, a flash of the future hit me again. A small blonde-haired girl waddling toward me with pigtails and one of those sucky things in her mouth. I scoop her up in my arms, carrying her over to Jessa, who’s sitting on the couch. After kissing Jessa, I relax down with them, happy and content to be home.
I can’t believe how my mom nailed it. I’ve never brought another girl up here before. It never even crossed my mind until Jessa came along. But as much as I’d love to make this our home, my mom is right. There’s no way I can make any money living in the boondocks.
In a way, I’m glad Jessa found the letter. She needed to know about them, but I still chickened out about revealing the whole story. How I wasn’t there for my mom when she needed me the most. Or how I disappointed Lizzy. I know I’ll have to tell Jessa eventually, but I just didn’t want to ruin our weekend.
We pack up the bags and load them in the truck after spending the afternoon curled up in bed, watching television and making love. I was able to control myself better and take it slow with her. Her eyes shift endlessly as I lock the door and she releases a breath before walking back to the truck. I’m upset we have to leave, but Jessa appears to be on the verge of tears.
I climb in and notice she’s strapped in by the window, instead of next to me. Reaching across, I unbuckle her, pulling her over next to me and strapping her back in.
“You want to tell me what’s wrong?” I ask, purposely not starting the truck until she’s honest with me.
“It’s just…I’ve only spent one night here and it feels like home.” She stares intently at the cabin, almost as if trying to embed the image into her memory. I pull her into me, kissing her on top of the head.
“We’ll be back,” I assure her. I wish I could tell her that it’s her home if she wants it to be. The words rest on the tip of my tongue, but I refrain from saying them. If I keep admitting how badly I need her, she’s bound to leave me.
“Promise?” she asks with a shaky voice.
“Promise. We’ll plan for another weekend as soon as we get back.” I squeeze her hand and start the truck.
By the time we roll back into Western, it’s dark and quiet, not unusual for a Sunday night. Most students stay in, preparing for the week. The thought of dropping Jessa off is excruciating. I love sleeping next to her; she keeps my memories at bay. She nuzzles up to me as though she just read my thoughts.
“Stay with me tonight?” she asks and my body screams yes, but my mind shuts it down.
“I can’t, I have to finish a paper,” I lie. The whole situation is going too fast, and I need to slow it down a little. We’re heading straight for a roadblock. No turn around, no u-turn. It’s either happily-ever-after or heartbreak, and from my experience, it’ll always end in heartbreak.
“Okay,” she says. I automatically know she assumes I’m lying. We haven’t spent a night apart in weeks. She releases a breath while staring out the window. Once we pull up to the Carsen’s, she grabs her bag, kisses my cheek and rushes out of the truck. She doesn’t say she loves me or that we’ll talk later…nothing.
Shaking my head, I throw the truck in park and open the door.
“Jessa?” I yell after her, but she continues walking toward the house, ignoring me.
Like a dipshit, I call out to her again, “Jessa!” Same reaction. My fist slams on top of the hood.
Following her up the steps, she shuts the door in my face, so I turn the knob and walk into the house.
Trey’s standing at the bottom of the stairs, staring at Jessa’s back before turning toward me. “Trouble in loveville?” he asks and I don’t respond, continuing to follow Jessa.
“Wait up, Jessa,” I pleadingly call out to her again, before jetting up the stairs and getting another door closed in my face. But this time, when I turn the knob, it’s locked.
I knock on the door. “Jessa, talk to me,” I beg.