“It’s Trey, baby. Don’t get your hopes up. Every time he brings someone home twice, you think he’s finally found the one,” Brady smirks.
“Well one of these times, I’m bound to be right,” Sadie proclaims. “Let’s go play some poker with the other two lovebirds.” She grabs his hand, stopping before they leave the room.
“You coming?” she asks me.
“I’m going to wait for Grant,” I say, and she pats Brady on the arm, indicating for him to go ahead.
She walks over to me. I already know the question she has before it comes out of her mouth. She asks me if I’m fine, and I tell her I am. She tells me she’s here for me, and I know she is. I give her a quick hug and her arms wrap around me tightly. “You’ve come so far, Jessa. You’re so strong and I admire you more every day,” she whispers in my ear.
After she leaves the room, I walk over to the windows and peer out, hopeful that my dad is going easy on Grant and praying he sees what I see…the love of my life.
Grant
Mr. Harrison bends down to open a slot on the gas fire pit that sits in the middle of the patio. The snow is stacked around the outside perimeter of the cement porch and I notice a hot tub in the corner. I wish Jessa and I could have some fun in there, but I’m well aware that’s not a good idea on this trip.
Her dad takes a seat on the cement bench that circles the fire and I follow suit. It’s surprising how much the fire warms you when the outside temperature is so unbearably low. Taking out two cigars, he lights one and then passes the second and a lighter to me. I’m not usually a cigar smoker, but I’m not about to tell him that. I take it, light it, and cough a little before handing him back the lighter.
Mr. Harrison leans back, staring into the fire for a long moment, as I try to appear comfortable when I’m anything but. Then his eyes veer to me and I try to prepare myself for what he’s going to ask. Which question will it be? What are my intentions with his daughter? Do I love her? Can I commit? He inhales the smoke, resting his hand that holds the cigar on his knee that’s crossed over his other leg. Slowly exhaling, his eyes stare intently at me. I watch the slow stream of smoke travel up into the sky.
“Tell me, Grant, out of all the girls, why my daughter?” he asks and I panic. Of all the questions, he picks this one. How do I describe something I just realized I was feeling myself?
“I love her,” I assure him, but he just huffs.
“That’s a cop out. Try again.” He swishes his tongue in his mouth in obvious distaste. I haven’t had to speak with a father since Lizzy, and even then, he didn’t care what I did with his daughter.
“Her heart, sir. It’s so big and welcoming,” I say, and a smirk comes across his face, but not a happy one. Is there anything I can say to please this man?
“Yes, and that’s exactly what has gotten her in trouble in the past,” he remarks, and I understand completely what he’s saying.
“I would never betray her trust,” I respond, and he leans closer to me.
“You do know, correct?” he whispers, as though someone could hear us.
“I do. She’s told me what happened.” I sit back a little due to his intimidating presence.
“That surprises me,” he says, leaning back again.
“What, that she told me?” I ask.
“No, the fact that you say you love my daughter, but you’ve been here for what, four hours now and still haven’t gone to beat the shit out of him?” He takes another inhale from the cigar.
“You have no idea how hard it was not to hop on a plane after she told me, but what good would that do her?” I ask. “She clearly has moved on, and if I make her relive what happened, I’d be the asshole.” I let the cigar rest between my fingers, although he probably sees it slightly shaking.
“Hmm…nice excuse,” he remarks.
“It’s not an excuse, sir. I know I’m not good enough for your daughter. She deserves a lot better than me. Please don’t think I’m with her for any other reason than I simply can’t breathe without her. Believe me, I’m not usually so selfish. But I can’t tear myself away from her, no matter how hard I’ve tried. If you’re going to hate me, hate me because I’ll fail her someday. One day, I’ll give her every reason to leave me. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll never walk away from her. But most likely, I’ll cause her break both our hearts.” A sense of calm comes over me that I finally admitted my fear to someone, but it sucks that the person I said it to was her dad.
He gives me a long appraising look, inhaling and exhaling the smoke. I don’t let my eyes waver from his, trying to display my best self-confident posture. “Well…shit. How the hell am I supposed to give you the third degree when you come out with that?” he asks, shaking his head with a small smile. “So, let’s go about this a little differently. What has you so fucked up, Grant?”
“Believe me, sir, you don’t want to know,” I inform him.
“Okay…no more sir. It’s Calvin. No Mr. Harrison, just Calvin. If you’re going to be part of my daughter’s life and if what you’re saying is true, I deserve to know how you’ll make her leave you one day. You won’t understand unless you ever have a daughter, but I have to know what to say to her when she comes to me hurting someday, and I want to be able to explain to her that it wasn’t her fault.”
“I don’t know where to start,” I admit. “My mom died when I was fourteen…” I start to tell him my whole sordid past. He sits quietly, listening with no emotion or reaction.
Fifteen minutes go by and I’m done telling him about my mom dying, my dad leaving, and even Lizzy. I lean back and extinguish the cigar in the ashtray on the table. At this point, I don’t have to worry about impressing him. I’m sure he’s ready for me to get the hell out of his daughter’s life.
“See, what you didn’t know is I already knew she would be bringing you home someday.”
I scrunch my eyes, wondering what he’s talking about.
“After Christmas, I knew there was something between the two of you, but Jessa was dating that Rob guy. I saw the way you looked at her and it scared the crap out of me,” he says, leaning forward again and looking me in the eye. “When that asshole Jason did that to Jessa, she was lost. She went to a dark place, and her mom and I didn’t know if she’d ever come out of it. Staying in this town after what happened has been a struggle, but we’ve built our life here and we’re not going to run away because of some punk,” his voice escalates in volume.
“Anyway, she dealt with it by changing her appearance on the outside and I was fine with that. Of course, I wasn’t thrilled with the tattoos or piercings, but it seemed to make her feel whole again. When she wanted to transfer, I never argued, as much as I didn’t want her to leave. Whatever she felt she needed to do to heal, I was going to make happen. Now, she brings you home. Forgive her mom and me for judging you, but you must see why you scare us. We’ve just barely gotten the old Jessa back, and from the minute you guys got out of the van, we felt it...” His eyes are now studying the fire, and he looks as if he’s contemplating something in his head. The next thing he says blows my mind.
“So your mom died, your dad’s an ass, and you had a traumatic experience in high school. None of that has anything to do with who you are, Grant. I know it sucks, and that’s coming from a fellow fuck-up, but it’s your past, not your future. You know what I’ve witnessed in just the two times I’ve met you? A man determined to succeed and achieve greatness, despite what he’s been through,” he says and then presses on while I hang on his every word.
“You have to do two things, and I know it’s hard, but if you want to keep her, you don’t have a choice. Just love her and let her in. If Jessa knows anything, she knows how to love. But you have to let her love you, and in order for that to happen, you have to let her in. I like you, but I question if you’ll be able to do that. For your sake and hers, I hope I’m wrong, and that you won’t allow her to waste time on someone who won’t fight for her.” He stands up and walks over to me. “I don’t want to hear your promises or commitments. Your actions will speak for themselves. In the meantime, welcome to our family.” He shakes my hand and I rise to my feet. “Go ahead, she’s been peeking her head through those curtains for awhile now.” He nods his head toward the window and the curtains move quickly.