Those memories I can handle now. It still bothers me when I think of how many people saw me having an intimate moment with someone who was supposed to love and protect me, but it’s what I did after that still lingers beneath the surface for me. My skin crawls at the thought that I might not be here right now if it wasn’t for Sam.
Glancing around the room, I notice for the first time that all of my old pictures have been replaced with recent ones of me with my family and new friends. Walking over to my desk, I find more framed pictures. These have me and Sadie laughing, The Invisibles playing a show, and one of all of us on the porch that Mrs. F had taken a month back. When I sit on the bed, I see one of Grant and me at the cabin. He had used his phone to take the picture of us with the snowcapped trees in the background. The smile on my face and seeing Grant staring down at me with a loving grin across his lips make my insides tingle all over.
I reach over and grab my phone, knowing only one person could be responsible for this.
Me: You wouldn’t know a little elf, would you?
Grant: Hehe…I know an elf, but believe me, there’s nothing little about him.
Me: You’re too sweet to me. Thank you.
Grant: I’m not sweet enough, but glad you like it. I hope it makes it easier.
Me: You’d make it easier…please come back down.
Grant: Baby, we have to respect your parents. It’s only a few nights.
Me: Why are you being so compliant?
Grant: Don’t get me wrong. It’s taking everything in me not to crawl in bed with you right now.
Me: Don’t fight it baby! ;)
Grant: Sleep tight, beautiful. Dream of me.
Me:You’re the only one that fills my dreams Love you.
Grant: I love you too!
I place my phone down on the nightstand, next to the picture of Grant and me. Minutes later, a soft knock sounds on my door a second before I see the knob turning. “It’s about time you came to your senses,” I say before I see Sam enter through my doorway.
“I assume you were thinking I was someone else?” She raises her eyebrows, closing the door behind her. “I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” She walks over to my bed and sits down next to me. “Nice picture,” she remarks, reaching across me to pick it up. “I love him, Jessa. He’s the real deal this time.”
“I know. I love him too, Sam,” I admit and she hugs me tight.
“Good, because you deserve happiness, sister.” She places the picture back down. “Where was that taken?”
“He has a cabin in Pennsylvania. His mom left it for him,” I tell her. She looks surprised, so I explain the story about his mom and how she died. Sam is the most empathetic person I know and I end up having to pass her a few tissues after I grab some for myself.
“That’s really sad. No wonder he’s so guarded,” she adds.
“How do you know?” I ask her, shocked that she picked up on that.
“Okay, well don’t take this wrong because anyone can see how much he loves you, but you can tell he wasn’t lucky to have the family we have. Although he’s open with his affection to you, he’s more closed off with everyone else. For example, when I hug him, he stiffens slightly.” She stands up to walk around the room.
“I guess I never noticed that,” I say. He’s always been more than willing to show me affection, touching me and kissing me almost non-stop. Sometimes he’s so handsy, I have to tell him to calm it down when we’re in public.
She picks up the picture of all of us on the porch. “Who took all these?” she questions and turns around, holding the frame in her hand.
“The non-affectionate male you have been talking about,” I joke, and she starts laughing.
“Really? Maybe I’m wrong about him, or maybe it’s just you that makes that side of him come out.” She brings the photo over to my bed. “Either way, how sweet is this?” she beams over at me.
“I know, right?” A wide smile absorbs my face.
“Alright, enough about you and Mr. Mysterious, let’s talk Dex.” She sits up, crossing her legs on my bed. “Does he have a girlfriend? Is he a womanizer? What do you know about him?” She starts throwing out questions faster than I can answer them.
“Hold on, Sam,” I laugh, raising my palm up in the air. “Okay...he doesn’t have a girlfriend and he isn’t a womanizer, but he isn’t a saint either. He barely brings girls around the house. Usually, he and Trey just go out and don’t come home until morning. Why, do you like him?”
“I don’t know,” she says, turning a nice shade of pink. “It’s fun flirting, but it would just be while he’s here since we live too far apart for anything to get serious.”
“Hmm…” I say, nudging her and she playfully nudges me back.
“Don’t say anything, Jessa,” she requests and I nod my head.
“I would never, Sam. You know that. Just enjoy yourself while he’s here,” I tell her, and she smiles before standing up.
I follow her lead and she gives me a hug before placing her hand on the doorknob. “I really came in here to make sure you’re okay,” she says. I inform her that I’m just fine, especially now that Grant has filled my room with pictures of people that love me.
After I shut the door behind Sam, I go into the bathroom to get ready for bed. Seconds after climbing under my sheets, the urge abruptly hits me. I know this is a bad idea, but part of me feels as though it would give me peace to rip it up. Opening my nightstand drawer and snaking my hand under it, I feel the corner of the photo, secured by tape. Of course my parents wouldn’t have found this.
Staring intently at the picture, I see how my smile has changed since then. It seems forced, and I also notice the way Jason has his arm slung over my shoulder, pulling me into him, as though I’m his possession. Anger fills me as I think about how stupid I was, and I start ripping the picture to shreds. Tossing the last bits of my past into the trashcan by my bed, I take one last look at the photo on my nightstand and turn off my light, knowing that was the end of Jason invading my thoughts. I’ll no longer let him have this hold over me. The image of Grant and me laughing on that deck brings peace over my body, allowing it to succumb to sleep.
Grant
I’m awoken by her screams. Throwing the covers off the bed, I run out of my room and down the hall, busting into her bedroom. I grab her and pull her into my arms. Her sobs are uncontrollable as she pushes back from me but I hold her tighter. She thrashes her body back and forth to get out of my hold, and I see her parents in the doorway, looking on with a mixture of fear and sadness in their eyes. I continue to whisper in her ear, hopeful my voice will calm her. A few minutes later, she relaxes in my arms and I loosen my grip. Her dad starts to step into the room, and I’m not about to stop him. But when Jessa pulls back slightly and places her hands on my cheeks, he retreats back to his wife’s side.
“Grant,” she sighs. I tell her again to calm down and that everything will be okay. She buries her head in my neck. I crawl into bed with her and let her snuggle close to my side, wrapping my arms around her. Her dad gives me a small nod, letting me know that he’s giving me permission to stay with her, and her mom smiles while shutting the door.
“It’s okay, baby,” I say to her, soothingly stroking my hand up and down her back.
“It was horrible,” she stutters, still trying to catch her breath.
“It was just a nightmare, baby, I’m here now,” I tell her, but her breathing is still erratic.