“That’s not—I just . . .”
I don’t know why I’m explaining this.
I’m not even sure if I believe him.
But if he’s right, I never wanted to hold back. I love Vane more than I’ve ever loved anything, and if my guilty conscience affected something when we kissed, it was an accident. One I will be correcting when I finally get home.
My lips burn just thinking about it.
Though . . . that’s assuming Vane will even want me.
I abandoned him.
Left him to deal with the Gales and my mother and the mess of problems we should’ve been facing together.
I wouldn’t blame him if he hates me now.
I certainly hate myself.
“Can Vane tell that our bond isn’t . . . ?” I can’t seem to say it out loud.
Aston smiles and shakes his head. “You know, I’ve threatened your life multiple times and you barely batted an eye. But the slightest mention of boy troubles and you get all weepy?”
I want to tell him I’m not going to cry, but my eyes are burning. I do my best to blink back the tears.
“Oh, cheer up. Even if he can tell, I hardly doubt he’s running off to break your bond.” He laughs as I frown. “Don’t tell me you still foolishly think that bonds can’t be broken?”
His question swells inside my mind, refusing to sink in.
I can’t believe it.
I won’t believe it.
Aston sighs.
“Honestly, haven’t I taught you anything?” He points to the row of twenty-nine symmetrical holes in his shoulder. “Everything can be broken, Audra.”
CHAPTER 15
VANE
I’ve been on some pretty awkward first dates in my life—most of which were epically ruined by Audra in her chaperone-from-hell days. But meeting The Girl I Canceled My Betrothal To with half the Gale Force watching definitely wins the prize for Most Ridiculously Uncomfortable Moment in the History of Uncomfortable Moments.
I mean, what do they think I’m going to do? See how hot Solana is and drop to one knee, begging her to marry me after all? Or maybe we’re just supposed to make out right here.
Not gonna happen.
Though she is hotter than I expected, I’ll give them that. And the tiny yellow dress she’s wearing, hugging every curve—and there’s quite a lot of curve on display—is a nice touch. But when I look at her, all I think is: no.
Just . . . no.
I take a deep breath to try to stay calm, but when I turn to Os and see his hopeful smile, I hit my breaking point. “I can’t believe you did this.”
“Vane, it’s not what you thi—”
“Don’t start,” I warn him. “I’m not an idiot, okay? And clearly you think I am if you thought I’d fall for this.”
I’m shaking now, but I can’t help it.
Os puts a hand on my shoulder. “I promise, Vane. Solana is only here to train you.”
“Oh, really? Funny, because Fang never wears a sexy dress for our training sessions—so is that the new Gale Force uniform? Will you all be wearing that from now on?”
“Well, I can if you want,” Gus interrupts, “though yellow really isn’t my color.”
If I weren’t so pissed I would probably laugh. Instead I just glare at him before jerking away from Os. “Find a new trainer.”
“Vane—”
“Find a new trainer!”
A painful silence follows and I wonder if I’m really allowed to shout orders at the captain of the Gales. But I’m done being calm about this.
I do feel a little bad when I glance at Solana, though.
She’s staring at the ground, her face all red and blotchy, like she’s trying not to cry.
I hate that I’ve hurt her—and I hate the Gales even more for putting me in this situation.
I rub my temples, feeling a massive headache forming. “I can’t deal with this today. Call me when you find a real trainer.”
Then I wrap myself in the nearest Easterly and launch into the sky.
I’m sure someone will try to follow me, so I add extra winds to speed my flight. I have no idea where I’m going—I just need to get away. But somehow I end up at the last place I really want to be. The place I’ve been trying to avoid.
I shiver as I touch down in front of the crumbling, fire-scarred shack, even though it’s easily the hottest day of the summer. I thought the place couldn’t look any crappier, but the palm branches that used to line the scorched roof beams have all blown away, and there are date roaches everywhere. They crunch under my feet as I make my way inside and find more dirt and chaos. The leaves Audra used to sleep on are scattered on the floor and there’s a pile of rotting animal carcasses, probably courtesy of her stupid hawk. I can see him watching me from a nearby tree.
I should try to clean things up, but I feel too sick.
Sick of not sleeping.
Sick of dealing with all the problems by myself.
Sick of waiting for her to “be home soon.”
“This isn’t soon!” I shout, picking up a rock and throwing it at the cracked window.
Of course I miss.
Audra’s stupid hawk screeches at me as I reach for another.
“Don’t tempt me!” I shout, aiming at his gray head.
Gavin’s red-orange eyes glare at me for a second. Then he dive-bombs me.
I flail and duck, expecting him to rip out a chunk of my hair, like he always did when I was a kid. Instead he lands on my wrist.
I freeze.
I hate birds—especially this bird.
But as I stare into Gavin’s eyes I realize he’s the only one who understands what I’m feeling. The only one who misses her as much as I do.
“You must be really desperate,” I whisper as I scrape together the courage to stroke his feathers. I’m half expecting him to snap off one of my fingers. But he leans into my hand, cocking his head so I can scratch his neck.
“Well, at least you made one friend today,” Gus says from somewhere behind me, making Gavin screech again. “I can’t say the same about the Gales.”
I roll my eyes and stroke Gavin to calm him. “I guess I should’ve known you’d be the one to follow me. That’s kind of your specialty, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, and I saved your life because of it. You’re welcome for that, by the way.”
“Right. Thanks for chewing on me.” I hold up my bandaged pinkie. “Let’s hope I don’t have rabies.”
“Wow, are you always this pissy? Because I’m starting to get why Audra needed a break.”
His words sting way more than he realizes, and I have to blink hard to force back any tears.
“Look,” Gus says quietly, “I get that you’re exhausted and the Gales are putting a lot of pressure on you. But if you would just give them a chance to—”
“If you’re going to try to talk me into training with Solana, you can stop right there. It’s not going to happen.”
“I know. You made that pretty clear when you screamed at Os—and you’re lucky he didn’t launch you across the desert for disrespecting him like that. But I gotta say, I don’t get what the big deal is.”
I roll my eyes. “Maybe betrothals are normal for you—”
“They’re not, actually. You and Solana are the first. Were the first. And that’s the thing, Vane. You canceled it. It’s over.”
“Is it? Sure seemed like they were trying to change my mind today.”
“So what if they were? What, are you afraid it’s going to work?”