“You want to spend the night with me?” I said.
“No,” she said. “I want you to spend the night with me.”
“What’s the difference?” I said.
“I’ve already got all my girly stuff laid out in my bathroom,” she said. “Plus, I’ve got my iPod hooked up to some speakers. To set the mood.”
“I thought you were tired.”
“I am,” she said. “But not that tired.”
“And you’re scared,” I said.
“Without my knight in shining armor I’d be terrified,” she said.
“I should probably bring my jewelry cases,” I said, “just to be safe.”
She raised her arms over her head and clasped her hands together, arched her back, and pretended to yawn. Which of course caused her nightshirt to rise exactly ten inches—I know because I’m a trained observer, and have developed an eye for detail.
“I have to compliment you on your grooming,” I said.
“Oh, Gawd,” she said. And, bless her heart, she managed to blush without pinching her cheeks.
Alison tilted her face and put some huskiness in her voice and said, “Come here, Cosmo.”
I followed her into her room. She closed the door behind me and turned the lock. Then she stepped to the nightstand, dimmed the lights, and turned on her iPod to mask the sounds of the robbery that would soon take place in my room.
She swayed to the music a bit and peeled off her nightshirt. “Cosmo, you know what I’d like to do right now?” she purred.
“What’s that?”
“I’d like to give you a blow job.”
“Of course you would,” I said. “But what’s in it for me?”
Chapter 30
To borrow a phrase from my former Commander In Chief, I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Alison Cilice.
In fact, I didn’t even engage in the type of relations that would cause a stain or force me to define the word “is.” I thought about it, wondering if I could find a way to justify it in the name of national security. After all, the mission started out as a national security issue, right? Unfortunately, it quickly made a left turn into this hotel robbery ring. Alison was certainly a thief. But was she a terrorist sympathizer as well? I didn’t think so. If the guy from Denver—Adnan Afaya—was trying to infiltrate the Park ‘N Fly’s, as Darwin believed, I didn’t think he’d made the pitch to Alison yet. My guess was the cameras caught them on a first or second date. I also didn’t think Afaya was tied to the hotel robberies, so I didn’t see any way to justify making stains with Alison. But I was in a spot: I didn’t feel comfortable having sex with her, but I also couldn’t leave yet, since I had to let things run their course next door.
Which is why, after initially rebuking Alison’s advances, I agreed to lie in her bed awhile, fully clothed. I routinely test weapons and torture devices for the military, so I wasn’t worried about succumbing to her advances. But she came at me from a different place than the military. Where the weapons relied on pain, Alison nibbled my ear and gently blew warm air into it. This part wasn’t cheating, I told myself. But it wasn’t torture, either, and she was making progress. I knew I had to put a stop to it. But before I could make that announcement, Alison started moving her hands in a practiced manner all over my body. This still wasn’t cheating, but it had some of the earmarks of torture. She quickly got to the area of my body that would constitute cheating, and it was finally time to draw the line. I managed to find my voice.
“Sometime later tonight I’m going to regret that I said this now—but you need to stop doing that,” I said.
“Can’t hear you,” she said, playfully. She grabbed my hand and thrust it between her legs and held it there while she bucked her hips. Thinking back on it now, I probably could have muscled my hand out of there a few seconds quicker than I did.
“You’re hired!” I said.
“What?”
“What I meant to say was, I can’t do this.”
“Why not?”
“It’s that time of the month.”
“Not funny,” she said.
“I have a headache. I’m tired. The kids might come in.”
“Is it me? Is it because I’m fat?”
“Of course not,” I said. “You’re beautiful.”
“What, I’m not sexy enough for you?”
“You’re definitely sexy enough.”
“Then really,” she said. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m sort of involved with someone.”
“Unless she’s here, I don’t see a problem.”
“The problem is—and I can’t believe I’m saying this—I’d be using you. And that would be—what’s the word I’m searching for? –Oh yeah: wrong.”
I may have heard the slightest sound next door. Alison definitely heard it. She moved closer and whispered, “Cosmo, what you just said—it’s so respectful. Maybe you didn’t mean to, but you’ve gotten me all worked up tonight. Can you just lay here with me a few minutes while I sort of solve my own problem?”
“I can do that,” I said.
Over the next twenty minutes I forced myself not to laugh as Alison pinched, tugged and slapped various parts of her body while performing an over-the-top vocal medley from her sexual songbook: high-pitched, chirping sex sounds, throaty moans, and some sort of maniacal horse whinny toward the end that erupted into a crescendo of low-budget porn passion.
Which taught me that sex, when you’re not a participant—can be hysterical. I’ve never been disinterested in sex before, so this was a ground-breaking experience for me. It gave me a sense of power I’d never felt before.
So this is what it must feel like to be the woman, I thought. To have all the sexual power in the relationship.
When Alison’s last gasps and spasms had subsided, I said, “I need to make a quick call.”
I brightened the light, lifted her phone from the cradle and dialed my room number. Alison heard the phone ringing next door.
“What the—”
I held up a finger to silence her. Quinn answered, said a few words, and I said “Okay.”
I hung up the phone and said, “Alison, we need to talk.”
She sat up in the bed and covered her breasts with her arms, a gesture that seemed odd, considering what we’d just been through.
“What’s going on?” she said, trying to keep her voice steady, but failing miserably.
“There are two dead bodies next door.”
Her eyes grew wide. She instinctively looked at the door that adjoined my room, then back at me.
“What are you talking about?” she said.
I looked at her. “Alison, I genuinely like you, but you’ve stumbled into something far more dangerous than you think. But I’m going to try hard to keep you from getting killed, because I have a job waiting for you when this is all over.”
Something in my voice gave her the reassurance to say, “If you think I’m going to sell jewelry for a living—”
“Alison, listen up. I’m not a jewelry salesman.”
I let that sink in for a minute before continuing. “I’m an assassin for the government. I kill terrorists.”
She started laughing.
“I admire the fact that you can laugh at me when there are two dead men lying on the floor next door, men that are dead because you and the bellman tried to rob me tonight.”
She stopped laughing.
“You know the big, scary guy that was following you tonight?”
She tried to speak, but the words didn’t make it out of her throat. She swallowed and nodded her head slowly, not wanting to hear about the big, scary guy.
“His name is Augustus Quinn,” I said. “He works for me.”
There was a long pause. When she finally spoke, her voice had lost most of its power.