3. Some while after, when Mr. Brown had been arrested and his venue changed, Goatee, Tank-Top, and possibly Sy the timer man blew themselves inadvertently sky-high, as follows: I had considered reporting to Jimmy Harris the contents and objectives of both the Pontiac hearse and the Chevrolet pickup; but though I believe profoundly in the institutions of justice under the law, I can manage at best no more than the Tragic View of their actual operation. Therefore on second thought I considered reporting neither. But while the bark of both the black militants and the red-neck vigilantes was worse than their bite, the former were a threat much more to property than to people, the latter vice versa, and one’s BLTVH sympathies are of course all with the hearse in this matter (even though, to complicate things, some of those red-necks are friends of mine: good-hearted, high-principled, even lovable people except where certain prejudices are touched. And at least one of those blacks happens to have been a hopeless sociopath. The Tragic View!).
Thus it was the Pontiac, not the Chevy, I’d intercepted and tried to reason with; thus it was the Chevy I reported, by telephone from Joe Reed’s office to the Easton state police barracks when Joe closed the draw. That evening I informed Drew that I’d done so, and that the red-necks in turn, if questioned, would surely identify the hearse, its occupants and intentions, as would I if interrogated under oath as a witness in the matter. Drew and company prudently thereupon changed vehicles and left town, resolved to dynamite any courthouse where their hero was to stand trial. But as in the field of cesarean sutures, for example, big-city expertise in the field of high-explosive terrorism is less readily available to us home folks: Sy’s timer (or something) misfired outside a little village across the Bay as the group — minus Drew, temporarily outcast for his connections with me — motored toward its first new target. The remains were unidentifiable, almost unlocatable. There was chortling among conservatives, tongue-tisking among us Stock Liberals.
“Goatee,” their leader, was, I then learned, Dorothy Miner’s son, Yvonne’s brother, Drew’s brother-in-law, whom Dorothy had toiled to put through high school and college: an easygoing youngster turned terrorist by his reading of history at a black branch campus of the state university. “Tank-Top,” whom I’d taken for vintage ghetto, turned out to be the child of third-generation-affluent New England educators; he had discovered his negritude as a twelfth-former at the Phillips Exeter Academy, become a militant at Magdalen College (Oxford), and exquisitely exchanged his natural Boston-Oxbridge accent and wardrobe for what we heard and saw above. His major passions in student days had been rugby and the novels of William Dean Howells.
4. My bait had been taken by a fair-size croaker, or hardhead, increasingly rare in these waters where once they abounded. A fellow fisherman had thoughtfully unwound my tackle from the lamppost and played him for me through the foregoing. Now he returned the gear to me and stood by with his companions for the reel-in. As sometimes happens in bridge fishing, where the game isn’t caught until it’s in the basket, my prize, well hooked and played, flipped itself free midway between river and roadway and splashed home.
“That a heart-buster now, ain’t it?” my colleague commiserated, and went back to his own lamppost.
5. But it wasn’t, as my survival to this sentence attests; no more than the Argonne Forest had been, or my evening in Captain Adams’s Floating Theatre, or any other mauvais quart d’heure of my life to this, including that mauvaisest just recounted. At the end of your Floating Opera story, 37-year-old Todd Andrews, his attempt at suicide-by-holocaust having fizzled, imagines he’ll probably go on living one day at a time, as he has thitherto; the cardiac report of the doctor you call Marvin Rose (now dead of — you guessed it) is of no interest to him. And the 54-year-old Todd Andrews who has been telling the story of his Dark Night of the Soul gives us no clue to that report, though his tone and attitude — not to mention the fact of his narrative — imply the fulfillment of his expectations. Now, as I left the bridge with Polly Lake, I realized that my heart had finally ratified my change of policy of some years past, when I’d ceased to pay for my Dorset Hotel room one night at a time and moved for the most part out to that cottage I’d bought from the Macks: i.e., that I was fated to no less than the normal life expectancy of male WASP Americans of my generation; that that old Damoclean diagnosis of bacterial endocarditis had been for me ever at least as much a spiritual need as a physical fact; and that just as the fact had gradually long since become irrelevant, the need had imperceptibly passed as well.
So I saw, retrospectively, with sharp suddenness as we left the bridge. The river was still; Polly Lake’s nose perspired despite her car’s air conditioning as she chattered crisply about Nice Young Jimmy Harris, whom she’d known as a schoolboy and lost track of till today. I couldn’t answer; she attributed my incapacity to excitement, nervous exhaustion — which it surely was, but not from the encounter itself. I trembled toward a vast new insight, which I was far from confident I could cope with: the virtual opposite of the one I reached in my old memoir. There I premised that “nothing has intrinsic value”; here I began to feel (I can scarcely enounce it; have yet to lay hold of its excruciating, enormous implications)… that Nothing has intrinsic value… which is as much as to say: Everything has intrinsic value!
I don’t know what I’m saying; I’m no philosopher; I despise cheap mysticism, trashy transcendencies. But the river, every crab and nettle on the swinging tide, every gull and oyster and mosquito, not to mention Drew and Tank-Top, Polly Lake, Joe Reed, Jimmy Harris, the Choptank Bridge — and my late father, and the Mother I Never Knew, and Jeannine Patterson Mack Singer Bernstein Golden, all her husbands, and her mother, who once came to me naked and by surprise on a humming summer noon a hundred years ago, and all the creatures of the past, the present, the future — they all are precious! Were precious! Will be precious!
I wept for history. I came perilously close to something “beyond” the Tragic View. Polly understood, suggested we stop somewhere for a bracer. We did, aboard my skipjack in the Municipal Basin, where she has often been my companion. I felt a need to drift with time and tide on something intimately seasoned, crafted, nobly weathered yet still gracefuclass="underline" my Osborn Jones and good Polly Lake both filled that bill. Cold Molson’s Ale returned the Mystic Vision to incipience, restored me to my home waters: rationalist-skeptical BLTVHism, where I am still moored — though with dock lines thenceforth and to this hour singled up, ready to cast off for that strange new landfall briefly glimpsed.
I had meant to end the historical part of this letter with a fuller account of Harrison Mack’s “decline” and Lady Amherst’s artful comforting of his last years. But my morning allotted to letter writing has moved ahead into early afternoon; I must go down to the boatyard and attend to brightwork on Osborn Jones. Therefore I shall skip the account of Jane Mack’s visit to my office last week: her curious confession, her disquieting combination of shrewdness, candor, and obliviousness. Your retelling of it notwithstanding, I cannot say confidently that Jane even remembers our old love affair! It is in any case as if it had never happened. Remarkable, that the bridge between fact and fiction, like that between Talbot and Dorchester, is a two-way street.