My mouth hangs open as he releases me. He guides me out the door by placing his hand on my lower back. The whole walk back to the elevator is a blur. This whole city and the men in it are throwing me for a loop.
MY WHOLE LIFE IS A SERIES of complicated predicaments lately. I find myself questioning it more than I’m actually living it. Given the way things ended with Derek, I promised myself I wouldn’t get in that position again. Not that I have that much control over it. Love is the greatest risk, but yet, it’s the greatest euphoria one will ever feel. That’s what makes it so hard to stay away from. I want to feel that way—like nothing else matters but that one person. Riches, beauty, prosperity . . . it all pales in comparison.
I’m not in love at the moment, but my choices are putting me at risk to fall back into it. Blake’s not going to reciprocate, so why do I keep doing this to myself?
“Okay, what’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?” Dana asks, standing next to me at the end of the bar. It’s almost closing time and the crowd has thinned out.
“You’d think I was crazy if I told you.”
“Are you kidding me? You’re as normal and boring as they come. Spill.”
I focus on the old bar top, tracing my fingers along the grain of the wood. It’s mundane, but I need something not so exciting in my life. “You know how I asked for tomorrow night off?”
I glance over at her, waiting for her to nod. She does.
“I kind of have a date, or at least, that’s what it feels like.” Her eyes narrow in on me. I see unasked questions there. I try to silence her by guessing them. “He says it’s not a date, but his actions tell me something completely different. Anyway, I don’t know what I should tell Blake or if I need to tell him anything at all.”
She’s quiet for a little bit, marinating on my words. Then she says, “This is perfect.”
“What?” I ask, surprised.
“He’s going to be jealous. If he really wants you, you’ll know it after this.” She waves for Charlie to come over, which he does quickly since there’s no one to serve. “Lila needs a shot. Actually make that two.”
“Wait,” I say, putting my hand up. Charlie pauses, thinking I’m talking to him, but I wave him off. “That’s not why I’m doing this. The guy’s the CEO of the company, and he says it’s just a work thing, but the way he acts around me—”
“Stop! Will you quit thinking so much?” She shakes her head, grabbing the shot glass Charlie sets on the bar.
The image of Pierce in a black tux flashes in my mind. My breathing accelerates just imagining it.
Dana notices, passing me a shot. “Drink this, and I’ll get you another one. You’re going to need it.” I down it, realizing just how much I do need it. I’ll be lucky if I sleep at all tonight.
“What am I going to do?” I ask, putting back another shot as soon as Charlie pours it.
“You are going to go out with your boss. It’s not like Blake gives a shit anyway, and if he does, this will wake him up. I can’t believe this,” she says, practically dancing at the end of the bar. One of the two guys still inside whistles, drawing a sneer from her.
“I’m glad you find this amusing.”
“Enjoy the ride, Lila. Most women would line up to be where you are right now.”
Maybe she’s right. This should be fun, or at least that’s what I’m going to tell myself to get through it. This is about fun and nothing more.
The whole ride home I ponder how I’m going to tell Blake. If he’s home tomorrow night, I don’t want it to be a surprise. I’ve witnessed his temper, and I don’t need him swinging at my boss. Besides, I’d want to know—not get hit in the face with it.
When I walk into the apartment, I don’t see Blake, but the light in his room is on. I set my purse on the kitchen counter and stare off at the wall, trying to decide what I should do next. I haven’t seen him since Wednesday night, but I know if I go in there, I’m going to feel guiltier about accepting Pierce’s invitation. Deep inside, I know it shouldn’t be this way. What Blake and I have is an understanding, one that includes lots and lots of hot sex; it’s getting weird, though, because I can’t even think about him with anyone else, touching another woman the way he touches me.
Deciding I can just tell him tomorrow, I take a quick shower and slip into my flannel pajamas. My long red hair is a matted mess from being wrapped in the towel so I comb through it carefully, letting the damp strands fall onto my back.
“Hey,” Blake says, surprising me by stepping in behind me. He wraps his arms around my waist, burying his face in the crook of my neck. It feels so intimate—so opposite of anything we’ve let our hearts be. It’s impossible to stand here and not relax into it.
Looking up, I catch his reflection in the mirror. I can tell he’s been painting. His hair is messed up, and his black T-shirt is covered in specks of red and blue.
“Hi.” I smile, leaning even further into him.
His lips press to my sensitive, damp skin, moving from one shoulder blade to the other. “I didn’t hear you come home.”
“I didn’t want to interrupt you.” I cover his hands with mine, relishing in the feel of his lips.
“I’ve been waiting for you, actually. There’s somewhere I want to take you if you’re up for it.”
“Tonight?” I have no idea what time it is, but it was after three when I came in.
“Or we can go tomorrow night,” he says between kisses.
That brings what I have to tell him back to the forefront of my mind. I quickly push it away, wanting to stay like this a little longer. “Tonight works.” Not like I was going to sleep anytime soon anyway.
He squeezes me, feathering my neck with more kisses before pulling away. “I’ll give you a couple minutes to change. Wear something comfortable.”
As he walks away, I can’t help but think that this is the Blake I like. Sweet. Charming. The one who shows me that there’s more to what we have than just meaningless sex.
There’s no way I can tell this Blake about tomorrow night.
I quickly throw on a pair of faded blue jeans and a worn gray hoodie. Morning will be here before we know it, so I tie my unruly hair into a tight knot at the top of my head, anticipating the possibility of running into the early morning crowd. Before going to find Blake, I pull my jacket from the closet and slide my feet into my chucks.
I don’t have to go far. He’s leaning against the counter with his hands tucked into his jean pockets. “Ready?” he asks, smiling.
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?”
“Nope.” He looks edible in an oversized gray sweater and charcoal beanie. Preppy was my type through most of high school and college. That’s not the case anymore. My new type is sexy-just-kind-of-pulled-together bad boy.
When he wraps his fingers around mine, I hide my bulging eyes by looking down at my shoes. Something is different. This is a different version of us.
He leads us out of the building, not stopping until we’re alongside an older, dark-colored car. “Lila, I’d like you to meet Frank.”
I’m stupefied. It might be the vodka, or the fact that I’ve been up for almost twenty-four hours.
“The car, Lemon Drop. It’s the only thing from high school that’s still with me so I thought he deserved a name.”
I slept with Blake before knowing what kind of car he drove, or that he even had a car. Nice, Lila.
“Are we taking him somewhere?” I ask, running my fingers over the smooth paint.
“Fuck yes.” He places the key in the passenger side door, then opens it for me. “Get in.”
After I’m safely inside, he runs along the front of the car and jumps in the driver’s seat. The whole car vibrates when he turns the key.
“What kind of car is this?” I ask as he peels out into the street.