Now, as I stretch my arms up, my thoughts flicker between that and what’s in store for me tonight. If I’d met this Blake before Pierce asked me to accompany him to the benefit, I don’t think I could have said yes. It feels wrong, even if there’s nothing wrong about it.
My stomach growls as I roll off the mattress. It’s been hours since I’ve eaten anything. If I’m going to spend hours getting myself beautified, I’m going to feed the monster in my stomach. I tiredly make my way to the bathroom and splash some cold water over my face, trying to salvage whatever I can of my youthful appearance. I smooth over my gray cami and pull my hair up in a tight knot. Hopefully Dana will be able to make something out of my zombie self when she gets here. I need her to bring a magic wand to banish my dark circles and ashen skin. Cucumbers, cold spoons . . . anything.
As soon as I open the door to my bedroom, I see Blake sitting at the kitchen table with a full bowl of cereal in front of him. From this angle, he looks reflective, focused on the little o-shaped grains. His hair is tousled. Muscled arms showcased by the way his elbows rest on the table. It brings back memories of last night.
“What? No eggs today?” I ask, sneaking up behind him.
He turns to face me, a cocky half-grin playing on his lips. “I thought I’d follow the rules.”
“My birthday isn’t until summer, so what’s the occasion?” I tease, stepping closer.
He shrugs. “You followed my rules last night. It’s only fair.”
“That I did.” I smile just thinking about his hands on my skin. I grab a bowl from the cabinet and sit next to him, helping myself to some of the cereal.
He watches me between bites, clinking his spoon against the bottom of his bowl. “Did I say you could have some of my Fruit Loops?”
“Umm—”
“Relax,” he says, covering my lips with his fingertip.
I close my eyes and let my mouth curve into a smile again. “I knew you were teasing.”
“No, you didn’t.”
There’s something different about him this morning—more playful, light. He reaches out for my wrist, pulling me into his lap. He holds me close to his chest, arms wrapped tightly around my waist. It’s something Derek used to do when things were good, before success and time got in our way. It gives me hope that there might me more to this than mind-numbing sex.
“Do you have plans this afternoon?” he asks, kissing the back of my neck. His question wakes me from the moment, reminding me that there’s someone else who will be expecting me tonight.
“Blake, there’s something I need to tell you,” I confess, closing my eyes to brace myself for what may come. Maybe this will go over better than I think, but it could also go terribly wrong. I’ve put myself in his shoes, and I know that the female jealousy within me would be boiling over. The thought of anyone touching him, in any way, makes me bat shit crazy.
He pauses for a second then continues kissing me. “I’m listening.”
How am I supposed to tell him that my hot, powerful, extremely successful boss is taking me out tonight with his mouth assaulting my skin like this? Things with Blake start to feel less and less like a benefits-only relationship and more and more like the semblance of a real relationship when he does this. It’s in the way he kisses me. The way he looks at me—like he was last night when I finally opened my eyes. It’s in the little ways he’s changed over the last couple weeks.
If he asks me not to go, if he tells me this thing between us means something, I won’t go. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my time with Pierce if I knew it bothered Blake. If I knew there was a chance for us.
“I was invited to attend a benefit tonight . . . for work.” Watching him, I don’t see any reaction, but that’s not the part that’s going to bother him.
“Not working at Charlie’s?” he murmurs between showering my neck with kisses.
“No, I took the night off.” I stop, tilting my head to give him better access. “Someone invited me to, umm, go.” That stills him immediately.
His head comes up, his eyes cold—like they were when I first met him. He doesn’t say anything. He just stares. If I could take those words back, put this whole scene on rewind, I would.
“When he asked, I said yes because there really wasn’t any reason to say no.”
He loosens his arms but doesn’t completely pull them away from me. My whole world spins waiting for him to say something. This was a mistake; I feel it already.
“What do you mean when you say you’re going with him?” he finally asks. He’s got the same angry edge to his voice he had the night I left him in the bar. This time, there are more feelings to be destroyed.
I swallow the giant lump wedged in my throat. “I’m going to get dressed up, and he’s going to pick me up. We’re going to the event, and then he’ll bring me back home.”
“Are you going to fuck him?” The edge in his voice and harshness of his words propel me forward, wanting to be out of his arms.
“I’m not like that,” I seethe, quickly standing from his lap.
“Really?” he shouts. “What are we doing then? We’re fucking, and, from what I remember, it wasn’t that hard to get you under me.”
My blood boils. “Do you think I just fuck any guy who comes my way?” I pause, wrapping my hands into tight fists at my side to keep from hitting him. “That’s the problem with this whole stupid arrangement. You don’t know a damn thing about me.”
He dares to come closer. “I’ve memorized every fucking inch of your body, and that’s all I need to know for what we have.”
My fingernails dig into my skin. I can’t take it anymore. The way he looks at me like I’m nothing. With nothing else to add, I stalk back to my bedroom, throwing the door open with enough force to send it into the wall. I need to put space between us.
“Lila, I’m not done with you!” he yells.
“Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t realize we even started,” I remark, not bothering to look back. Without warning, his body is flush against mine, pushing us both forward.
When we reach the wall on the opposite side of the room, he spins me around and pins my arms above my head. He’s pissed, and I only have myself to thank for that. “Do you feel that?” he asks, grinding his hard cock against my stomach. “That’s what you do to me.”
Tears pool in my eyes. I gaze up at the ceiling, begging them not to fall. “I need more than that, Blake. I can’t keep doing this.”
“What do you want from me?”
“If you ask me to stay, I’ll stay, but don’t do it just because you want to fuck me. Or because you don’t want anyone else to have me.” Just voicing the last part makes me question how exactly I got here.
“I’ve given you everything I promised.”
I wiggle against him, but it’s no use. He’s too strong, too determined. “What if I told you I’m falling?”
“You don’t mean it.”
My chest heaves against his. Hearts beat fast. “Yes, I do.”
“Shit,” he mumbles, letting go of me.
“I didn’t mean for it to happen!”
“You didn’t stop it either.” He starts walking away, his hair gripped in his long fingers. A fool could see he’s struggling against himself. I follow behind him, practically falling into his back when he halts suddenly. “Don’t,” he warns.
“I’m going. Unless you ask me to stay . . . unless you can promise me more, I’m going.”
He smiles sadistically, lifting my chin to gain better access to my lips. He kisses me once, hungrily, darting his tongue between my lips just long enough to get a little taste. My mind races with the possibilities; they’re all I have left. “Don’t you dare forget that when you’re out with your date tonight.”